Let's edit the NT.

[Minimalist]

1) Too many people witnessed the crucifixion of Jesus.

Name one, fuckface.  I want to cross-examine him or her.

[Succubus]

Canonize all of the books that were left out.

What, Peters resurrected smoked salmon? Not even the Catholics would believe that. No, wait...

[brewer]

Canonize all of the books that were left out.

What, Peters resurrected smoked salmon? Not even the Catholics would believe that. No, wait...

Toddler jesus has a tantrum and kills? What a wonderful god.

[Gawdzilla Sama]

Everywhere it says "crucifixion" that would become "gruesome fiction". 

"Virgin" would become "incredible liar". 

"Faith" => "Failed"

Etc. 

First Autocorrected Holey Bible.

1) Too many people witnessed the crucifixion of Jesus.
Romans in fact did put to death a lot of people in that way so there is 99,9% of the probabilities that Jesus die in that way.

2) Virginity.
In this case there is 99,9% of the probabilities that Mary had sex in order to conceive.


3) Faith.
Most people have faith in something or someone.
Atheists have faith in the idea that there is no God.



To summarize.
You may have got one and failed two.  

Sorry, Little Dik, your fictions don't count as evidence. And I mean the ones you use to prove your godboy ever existed. You lose. Again. As always.

[vulcanlogician]

Then he turned the water into wine Jose Cuervo. The guests were all amazed, and there was much "getting down" that night at the wedding feast.

[The Grand Nudger]

The correct start of the bible should be, "Once upon a time."

Technically, it already does start that way.  It;s just that some people read it like a chronological news report...so, "In the beginning" is taken literally.

[Wyrd of Gawd]

Everywhere it says "crucifixion" that would become "gruesome fiction". 

"Virgin" would become "incredible liar". 

"Faith" => "Failed"

Etc. 

First Autocorrected Holey Bible.

The Bible does come with a couple of advisories within its pages. One says not to believe in Jewish fairy tales and the other one says that the whole thing is just a BS story meant for entertainment purposes.  

Titus 1:14 (CEV) = "14 Don’t pay any attention to any of those senseless Jewish stories and human commands. These are made up by people who won’t obey the truth."

2 Maccabees 15:38-39 (CEB) = "38 If the story was told effectively, this is what I wanted. But if it was told in a poor and mediocre fashion, this was the best I could do. 39 Just as it is harmful to drink wine or water alone while wine mixed with water is delightful and produces joy, so also may the writing of this story delight the ears of those who encounter this work.

The end."

[Fireball]

crucifixion ---> crucifiction

[Cod]

A large number of people maybe 20 or 30 followed Jesus into the mountains. Jesus bullshitted them for an unknown length of time but it was getting dark, so they decided to eat. As it was Sunday all the shops were closed so Jesus needed to work his magic. All he had to work with was a couple of Cod fillets and some Kingsmill bread. Jesus brought forth captain birdseye who made slender lengths of Cod in bread crumbs for the crowd, not surprisingly there was at least 10 baskets of the fishfingers left over.

[The Valkyrie]

It needs an extra page that says, "This is a work of fiction. ANy similarities to people living, dead, or resurrected is purely coincidental"*




*"No, Jesus really isn't coming back".