Funny human rituals

[Aegon]

Scratching our butts. Why do butts itch in the first place? It has no purpose!

Wipe your ass better!

[Edwardo Piet]

Where I'm from around Manchester England people ask each other if they're alright as a greeting but it's not like proper asking.

I still regularly take that literally and they look at me funny when I actually address their question.

Then when they look at me funny I remember "Oh right it's completely meaningless. I forgot."

Perhaps it's more of a northern thing than a Manchester thing. I'm in the north east and they do it here too. Either that or they are looking at me funny or buggering off before I can respond for no goddamn reason.

[Catholic_Lady]

Our hygene rituals are pretty obsessive if you think about it. We scrub our entire bodies every day, making sure to wash and rinse every nook and crany in ourselves with this thing that kills germs. And then we use a special foamy liquid to scrub our scalp and wash our hair. We shave certain parts of our bodies every day. When we are done, we put deodorant on. We brush our teeth with pasty stuff that is supposed to clean our mouths... and then use mouthwash to finish off killing all the germs. We put powder on our feet before putting shoes and socks on for the day. And then as the last step we spray on perfume and/or scented lotions.

...And we do this every day. I mean, as humans we must be extremely smelly creatures when we have to do this entire ritual every day just to keep from smelling bad.

[chimp3]

I witnessed this very strange ass wiping ritual. Can't go into details, privacy laws. 

OK, very strange young man covered with facial tattoos. Had to help him walk to toilet. When it came to wipe he grabbed the loose end of the paper and swatted the roll until half the paper was coiled on the floor. Then, keeping this 20+ ft length of paper intact, he wrapped a length of paper around his hand and wiped. The he wrapped more over the first dirty section and wiped again. He repeated this until he had coiled about half the roll of paper around one hand, one last wipe, and flushed.

[Edwardo Piet]

Scratching our butts. Why do butts itch in the first place? It has no purpose!

Wipe your ass better!

I'm talking about butts not buttholes goshdarnit!

[ignoramus]

Our hygene rituals are pretty obsessive if you think about it. We scrub our entire bodies every day, making sure to wash and rinse every nook and crany in ourselves with this thing that kills germs. And then we use a special foamy liquid to scrub our scalp and wash our hair. We shave certain parts of our bodies every day. When we are done, we put deodorant on. We brush our teeth with pasty stuff that is supposed to clean our mouths... and then use mouthwash to finish off killing all the germs. We put powder on our feet before putting shoes and socks on for the day. And then as the last step we spray on perfume and/or scented lotions.

...And we do this every day. I mean, as humans we must be extremely smelly creatures when we have to do this entire ritual every day just to keep from smelling bad.

The whole universe is deadly to us including tiny germs in our own homes ...
Tell us again how God created everything just for "us" ...

[brewer]

Giving a finger wave to anyone else on a motorcycle because.......  we both know how cool we are.

Here's to you ... motorcycle man.  
Edited to add:  or woman

In cowboy country they do the same thing, but both have to be driving trucks. Lift one index finger off the wheel. It is not done if a non truck is involved.

I'm surprised no one has mentioned going to church. Shouldn't god know your thoughts?

Or pulling over and stopping while a funeral procession passes.

[Fireball]

Our hygene rituals are pretty obsessive if you think about it. We scrub our entire bodies every day, making sure to wash and rinse every nook and crany in ourselves with this thing that kills germs. And then we use a special foamy liquid to scrub our scalp and wash our hair. We shave certain parts of our bodies every day. When we are done, we put deodorant on. We brush our teeth with pasty stuff that is supposed to clean our mouths... and then use mouthwash to finish off killing all the germs. We put powder on our feet before putting shoes and socks on for the day. And then as the last step we spray on perfume and/or scented lotions.

...And we do this every day. I mean, as humans we must be extremely smelly creatures when we have to do this entire ritual every day just to keep from smelling bad.

What you mean "we", and "every day", kemo sabe? If it is extremely cold weather, I don't shower every day. I shave 3 times a week. I brush and floss my teeth but don't use mouthwash. I don't powder my feet unless I'm going to be sweating heavily.

We can do with a lot less washing and foo-foo than Madison Avenue advertisers have told us.

...and my stool smells like fresh-baked cinnamon buns, too.

---

Giving a finger wave to anyone else on a motorcycle because.......  we both know how cool we are.

Here's to you ... motorcycle man.  
Edited to add:  or woman

In cowboy country they do the same thing, but both have to be driving trucks. Lift one index finger off the wheel. It is not done if a non truck is involved.

I'm surprised no one has mentioned going to church. Shouldn't god know your thoughts?

Or pulling over and stopping while a funeral procession passes.

When I had a motorcycle, it was a raised fist, in salute to other riders. I got rid of it because it seemed like everyone in the greater Los Angeles area wanted to kill me. I didn't like riding with kind of paranoia.

[The Industrial Atheist]

How we ask each other often strangers "How are you doing?" and we always answer "Ok. or Good" Your girlfriend/boyfriend/wife/husband could have left you for somebody younger/hotter/richer. Your dog or cat could have died. You could have unpaid medical bills(for us US'ians) causing impending financial disaster. All in the same day. Chances are you will still say "O.K. or good."

I thought of this because I was like "can I really not say "Sort of shitty?" Why ask then? Isn't it kind of a meaningless gesture like asking someone if apple pie tastes good?

[Seraphina]

Saying "bless you" when someone sneezes is a funny human ritual. I say it sometimes to fit in. Maybe I should start an atheist confessional thread.

-Teresa