Should I say something next time?

[GODZILLA]

My sister who is has been married for 12 years now is married to a guy who can be a dickhead at times. However, something peculiar happened at my grandmothers funeral. First, while I was with them in the car driving somewhere to eat (my parents went back to the hotel) they started talking about who gets what since my grandfather had already passed and now my grandmother would have passed thus leaving things like the estate up for grabs and to be divvied out among my Dads family. That in itself was quite the headache for my Dad since he really did not care what he gotten and so forth. But my brother in law kept going on about how my Dad is doing everything wrong and does not know what he is doing and that he should let him handle everything from selling the house since apparently now my brother in law knows how to sell a home that's worth a few million. 

Then, he has the gal to talk about what he will get when my parents pass away. I can tell you this really bothered me even more. He then starts to complain about how one of my brothers who is a bit slower will get more than everyone else. My brother in law claims he has gone through my parents will and knows their finances. By now I am just fuming on the inside. Mostly because I do not like it when people attack my parents like this, and also I could care less with what happens when my parents pass away. And I am not exaggerating when he claims to know about my parents finances. He says he has gone through their stuff and found out how much they pay in taxes and how much they own when it comes to worth net worth..etc. I stayed silent, mostly because in the past when confronting him about things he is clearly bull shitting about he really won't care and it just causes problems. But I just sat there in the backseat just trying to hold my tongue. I feel like a coward for not speaking up though.

I am just wondering, should I bring this up to my parents despite this being almost a year since it has happened? I think something else to consider is that their relationship with my parents has become quite strained as of late. We had them over for Christmas dinner, and a week later they told my parents straight up that they did not have a good time. They then threw out the excuse that it was because I yes, ME made them uncomfortable because I have been doing bad things like watching porn and such. They claimed to have saw me doing that when we were on vacation the summer before. But i can't not tell you how untrue this is. I never did that when we were on vacation. And if I even do i do it alone, in my bedroom in my home. (TMI? lol)

I should also mention they have somehow turned my sister against my parents, secretly. Her and her girlfriend are now part of their little gang and talk shit about the rest of my family behind our backs.

I am just not sure what I should do in this situation.

I may be the wayward family member that is open about his lack of belief in a God in a family that believed in God, but at least I respect my parents and don't talk shit about em'.

[downbeatplumb]

My sister who is has been married for 12 years now is married to a guy who can be a dickhead at times. However, something peculiar happened at my grandmothers funeral. First, while I was with them in the car driving somewhere to eat (my parents went back to the hotel) they started talking about who gets what since my grandfather had already passed and now my grandmother would have passed thus leaving things like the estate up for grabs and to be divvied out among my Dads family. That in itself was quite the headache for my Dad since he really did not care what he gotten and so forth. But my brother in law kept going on about how my Dad is doing everything wrong and does not know what he is doing and that he should let him handle everything from selling the house since apparently now my brother in law knows how to sell a home that's worth a few million. 

Then, he has the gal to talk about what he will get when my parents pass away. I can tell you this really bothered me even more. He then starts to complain about how one of my brothers who is a bit slower will get more than everyone else. My brother in law claims he has gone through my parents will and knows their finances. By now I am just fuming on the inside. Mostly because I do not like it when people attack my parents like this, and also I could care less with what happens when my parents pass away. And I am not exaggerating when he claims to know about my parents finances. He says he has gone through their stuff and found out how much they pay in taxes and how much they own when it comes to worth net worth..etc. I stayed silent, mostly because in the past when confronting him about things he is clearly bull shitting about he really won't care and it just causes problems. But I just sat there in the backseat just trying to hold my tongue. I feel like a coward for not speaking up though.

I am just wondering, should I bring this up to my parents despite this being almost a year since it has happened? I think something else to consider is that their relationship with my parents has become quite strained as of late. We had them over for Christmas dinner, and a week later they told my parents straight up that they did not have a good time. They then threw out the excuse that it was because I yes, ME made them uncomfortable because I have been doing bad things like watching porn and such. They claimed to have saw me doing that when we were on vacation the summer before. But i can't not tell you how untrue this is. I never did that when we were on vacation. And if I even do i do it alone, in my bedroom in my home. (TMI? lol)

I should also mention they have somehow turned my sister against my parents, secretly. Her and her girlfriend are now part of their little gang and talk shit about the rest of my family behind our backs.

I am just not sure what I should do in this situation.

I may be the wayward family member that is open about his lack of belief in a God in a family that believed in God, but at least I respect my parents and don't talk shit about em'.

Get a nanny cam and get him to open up. move it to DVD and show the DVD as part of Christmas festivities.

[chimp3]

Sounds as boring as most reality tv shows. I say fuck them and move on!

[brewer]

First, condolences. I think I remember a previous thread where you talked about this. 

Who get's what can do strange things to people after a death. Apparently it's effecting them pre-death also. 

That being said, I get the feeling that there are misplaced and unfounded entitlement issues going on here, issues that proceed the death. 

Do they talk to your father directly about the estate or is this all backstabbing talk? 

If you think your dad is clueless to this you might want to have a light conversation about what he thinks the rest of the inheritors expectations are. If he's not in touch then suggest he have a talk with sis/bro in law. 

I'm sure that you have a phone with the ability to record conversations. Use it next time, just in case.

[Minimalist]

Your dad should probably talk to the lawyer who drew up the will.  These things should be revised from time to time.

[Brian37]

First, condolences. I think I remember a previous thread where you talked about this. 

Who get's what can do strange things to people after a death. Apparently it's effecting them pre-death also. 

That being said, I get the feeling that there are misplaced and unfounded entitlement issues going on here, issues that proceed the death. 

Do they talk to your father directly about the estate or is this all backstabbing talk? 

If you think your dad is clueless to this you might want to have a light conversation about what he thinks the rest of the inheritors expectations are. If he's not in touch then suggest he have a talk with sis/bro in law. 

I'm sure that you have a phone with the ability to record conversations. Use it next time, just in case.

When my adoptive dad died my have sister by adoption hoovered around my mom like a vulture. 

With my biological family I have told them only TWO people will get anything, my younger sister Julie, and my best friend John. If my younger sister wants to share that with the rest of our family, it would be up to her. But it still remains you have to put your wishes in writing so that there is no dispute. That is what my late mother did, and I am glad she did because it made all the legal stuff far easier.

[KittyAnn]

..yeah first, condolences and warm hugs☀️
in my opinion the conversation is always good, but it has to be thought-out and without emotion and accusation, because otherwise everything can turn against you.
and in Poland we say... "with the family we look good only in the picture".

...btw welcome on a board 😊

[brewer]

..yeah first, condolences and warm hugs☀️
in my opinion the conversation is always good, but it has to be thought-out and without emotion and accusation, because otherwise everything can turn against you.
and in Poland we say... "with the family we look good only in the picture".

...btw welcome on a board 😊

Mine only looks good over a land line.

[Fireball]

..yeah first, condolences and warm hugs☀️
in my opinion the conversation is always good, but it has to be thought-out and without emotion and accusation, because otherwise everything can turn against you.
and in Poland we say... "with the family we look good only in the picture".

...btw welcome on a board 😊

Mine only looks good over a land line.

Got any that only would look good over a land mine?

[brewer]

Got any that only would look good over a land mine?

You gotta examine all those tiny particles while they're still on fire.