The Valkyrie's Guide to...

[Gwaithmir]

I haven't the slightest idea what's going on here.

My advice column.

I'm strange.

You'll get used to me.

Indeed. You are pleasant on the eyes.

[ignoramus]

^^^

Like they say in show business:

[Mr.Obvious]

Dear valkyrie,

I am a long time reader and a Huge fan.
And now i am in fire need of your advice myself.

During black mass The other night, things got out of hand. Long story short; i need to know how to get goat's blood, Some vomit, about half a liter of semen and patches of burned skin The size and shape of three hands from my west-facing wall. I could repaint, but that's not in The budget for another year ar least.

Any advice? My gimp says it looks stylish, but I don't know. He seems amazed by anything outside of The box in our dungeon.

All The best,

P. D. Obvious

[The Valkyrie]

In this case fire and insurance are your friends.