My father

[onlinebiker]

We Lugans are a stoic bunch, ain't we??

My dad is full blooded - and speaks the lingo with the Chicago accent. I' d be less than surprised if your dad did too.


Have some kugelas, and hang in there.

[Sal]

My condolences.

[DodosAreDead]

He sounds like a really interesting man. May he rest in peace. 

I don't know if it's appropriate to share here, but my grandfather died in an ICU unit in July. My father (his son) was with him at the time when the heart monitor began to flatline. He said in the final moments he was too busy intensely monitoring the line to actually just pay attention to his father and be with him mentally, and he still feels very guilty about that. The point is, you're wishing you could've brought him home, my father wished he would've payed more attention to him in those final few moments. Something always eats at you, I guess, whichever way it goes down. I sincerely hope you find solace in some way.

[Deesse23]

That sucks, man. My sincere condolences.

My father was born in 1938 to second generation Lithuanian (father) and Polish (mother) parents

He was an emotionally distant man.

My father is a 1939, and grew up at the german lithuanian border. Family stayed in Russia after the war and settled to Germany in 1960. He also worked his whole life (tractor driver in russia and construction worker in Germany). He also is an emotionally distant man. We get along together, but only if we dont have too much interaction.
He will turn 80 in May and his health is deteriorating rapidly lately (lifetime drinker and smoker).

So, yeah, i think i can relate to your situation.... somehow.

[Jackalope]

A week has passed and the initial sting has faded.

My last words to him were "I love you". His to me were "take it easy" in response. I don't recall him ever uttering those three words to me.

My father was generous in his estate, but he was stingy with his love, or at least his expression of it. I'm not bitter, it's just how he was.

[outtathereligioncloset]

We made the arrangements for his cremation this afternoon.   I managed to keep myself emotionally detached to get through the process.

I felt guilty about it seeming to be about me now but I realized that now that he's gone, it kind of is.

It is YOUR loss.  You're allowed to feel it without feeling guilt of it being "about" you.

My heart goes out to you and your family.  

When it comes time to scatter those ashes (if that is the plan) please get someone well-versed in what to expect, to explain that to you.  It is not at all like movies and TV would have us believe. 

And from the sound of it, if your father had gone home, it's questionable whether he'd have been very aware that he was there.  Plus, if he had gone home, you would have very likely wondered if something more could have been done for him to ease his suffering or give him a few more days if he had been in the hospital.  There just is no good place to die.

[popeyespappy]

My sympathies, Cathooloo. I lost my dad a little over a month ago so I feel your pain.

[Jackalope]

Ugh, probate is proving to be sticky.

Pat - my dad's wife - had promised certain items to her sister when Pat was dying of lung cancer and very drugged up in hospice about 5 years ago. The problem is, those things are explicitly left to myself and two siblings in their irrevocable 2005 wills. Pat's sister wasn't expecting any cash, and she's getting quite a bit, so we're hoping we can negotiate an exchange, because we do want them to have the things they want. Getting the collectible stuff valued is proving very challenging and the probate court requires us to be able to demonstrate how we valued the property, regardless of where it goes. Once it's in our hands we can do what we want with it.

[Jackalope]

I'm kind of over the whole grief thing.

I learned or confirmed a few things about my father while settling his affairs. It became pretty apparent that he knew very little about me, and didn't seem to particularly care to find out. He didn't know what I did for a living, or that I'm actually pretty goddamned successful. The writings we found pretty much confirmed what I had always felt, my older sister was the favorite.

I guess I was right all along, and I'm OK with it I suppose. I didn't like the man much anyways.

[SteelCurtain]

Closure is good, even if it's not particularly uplifting.

Glad you were able to get some, my friend.