How would you react to finding out you were making out with a transsexual?

[I_am_not_mafia]

I would advise telling a man before you sleep with him if you are pre-op, preferably before engaging in other forms of sexual activity. You don't need to justify or apologise for your existence despite what the right wing claim. I don't know about America where the conservatives are fighting back, but men can be surprisingly open minded, more than you might first expect if all you know of them is violence.

If you are post-op, he doesn't realise and you're not starting a relationship then it's not a problem as he does not need to know. After all, would you give him the rest of your medical history before having sex?

I don't think that you can invoke confidentiality of medical history between people who are considering getting intimate. There are things about a person's medical history that are absolutely a prospective intimate partner's business.

At the end of the day, there are many, many men who would not knowingly consent to intimate relations with a woman who used to be a man. Since they would not knowingly consent, then it very, very clearly falls within the category of date rape.

Utter bullshit if it's consensual. Do not cheapen the act of rape.

Transgenderism is a medical condition.

[Yonadav]

I don't think that you can invoke confidentiality of medical history between people who are considering getting intimate. There are things about a person's medical history that are absolutely a prospective intimate partner's business.

At the end of the day, there are many, many men who would not knowingly consent to intimate relations with a woman who used to be a man. Since they would not knowingly consent, then it very, very clearly falls within the category of date rape.

Utter bullshit if it's consensual. Do not cheapen the act of rape.

Transgenderism is a medical condition.

It's not consensual if the guy wouldn't have been willing to have intimate relations with a person who used to be a man.

And I certainly didn't say that transgenderism isn't a medical condition. Perhaps you should look at what I did say again?

[I_am_not_mafia]

Utter bullshit if it's consensual. Do not cheapen the act of rape.

Transgenderism is a medical condition.

It's not consensual if the guy wouldn't have been willing to have intimate relations with a person who used to be a man.

But how do you decide what the person should know in advance? What about political views? That can be an absolute turn-off. But finding out that you've just fucked a Nazi doesn't give you cause to say that you've just been raped.

Rape = non-consensual. When you tell them you don't want sex and they continue anyway then it's non-consensual. Rape doesn't mean that you've changed your mind in light of new information. Why assume that this medical condition is any more important than another medical condition?

And if you continue to call it rape, then you are also accusing TaraJo of sexual assault for not telling her partner even though she didn't have sex.

[downbeatplumb]

Utter bullshit if it's consensual. Do not cheapen the act of rape.

Transgenderism is a medical condition.

It's not consensual if the guy wouldn't have been willing to have intimate relations with a person who used to be a man.

And I certainly didn't say that transgenderism isn't a medical condition. Perhaps you should look at what I did say again?

Legally they are a woman (or man depending on which way they go) and gender alterations are secret. So there is no requirement to tell in law.

[Shell B]

There may be a moral obligation, though. If that person finds out later, it can be alarming, whether that is right or wrong. I favor open honesty in sexual relationships.

[Amarok]

It's not consensual if the guy wouldn't have been willing to have intimate relations with a person who used to be a man.

No it wouldn't . It would be awkward  but not rape , And a trans person is under no obligation to reveal their former gender any more then i'm under obligation to reveal any number of other things before sex . 

And I certainly didn't say that transgenderism isn't a medical condition. Perhaps you should look at what I did say again?

Actually transgenderism isn't a medical condition . Gender dysphoria is and even that's a matter of degrees .

[The Valkyrie]

Is he/she hot?

[I_am_not_mafia]

And I certainly didn't say that transgenderism isn't a medical condition. Perhaps you should look at what I did say again?

Actually transgenderism isn't a medical condition . Gender dysphoria is and even that's a matter of degrees .

Yes you are quite correct and that's what I should have said. I originally said transsexuality but that wasn't correct either.

There may be a moral obligation, though. If that person finds out later, it can be alarming, whether that is right or wrong. I favor open honesty in sexual relationships.

Yes open honesty is good. But there are so many things to be honest about that if you had to list them all, no one would ever have sex without first signing a contract.

And transsexuality always seems to be the exception that is singled out. No one ever claims you need to reveal your chromosomes before you have sex, for example because you are XY and suffer from androgen insensitivity syndrome and were therefore assigned female at birth. Or that you are intersex or maybe that you are cisgendered but were born infertile and without a womb. But  for some reason everyone starts debating whether transsexuals need to reveal their medical history.

Take sports. Professional athletes all have to have some freakish attribute that enable them to compete at the very top. Whether it's because their blood can hold more oxygen, or have more muscle mass, or they are a cisgendered woman who naturally produces more testosterone. Yet if they are a transsexual woman then everyone starts debating about how they should be banned. Even though in reality transsexual women have been trying and largely failing to compete in professional sports for a long while now.

Take bathrooms (toilets) or locker rooms, or rape crisis centres or women's refuges or women's festivals. No one ever debates whether lesbians should be able to use them even though we know they are sexually attracted to other women. Yet everyone debates whether transsexual women should, even though they have just as much need of it as other women, and most often more so because they are far more marginalised.

Or fertility treatment, or teaching in primary schools. Everyone else is allowed to access fertility treatment or work with children. But if you're transsexual woman then suddenly there's a debate.

Fact is that women are more than just their chromosomes and their biological function. Except when it comes to transsexual women. In their case, their very right to exist and to live a normal life is up for debate even if they pass 100% as a woman. For some reason some aspect of their medical past is deemed to disqualify them from certain basic human rights.

So my question is, why is it that if you are a transsexual woman (for some reason it doesn't apply to transsexual men), does this single aspect of your life have to be an exception in every debate? Why does this always have to be revealed when so many other things don't have to be?

As far as I can see it's all part of a push by the right wing Christians to erase trans-people's existence.

[bennyboy]

If trans relationships were very common, or generally acceptable, then it wouldn't really be necessary to let a new romantic partner know your background. In that case, it's buyer beware-- if you care, you'd better ask. However they are not very common, and not generally acceptable. Any reasonable person should be able to see that most men would want to know if a new sexual partner had ever had, or currently had, a penis, before engaging in any kind of intimate romantic contact.

I'd also want to know if a potential partner was hiding a 6th toe, or a 3rd nipple, or was bipolar or schizophrenic, had a serious problem with chronic and frequent stinky flatulence, or had extreme political positions that might reasonably be expected to cause intense aversion (like if they were a nazi). It doesn't mean that any of those makes a person less human or deserving of love and respect. But it does mean that withholding information amounts to a lie of omission.

There's a simple question someone can ask themselves: "Is there something about me that other people would probably be bothered by if they learned it?" If so, then you should tell them that information, or expect that when they discover it, they will be bothered.

A reasonable person can anticipate that a normal man will be upset if he discovers the "girl" he's been hot and heavy with either had or still has a penis. It's not really fair for that person to withhold that information, and then pretend to be surprised when things go really bad really fast upon discovery.

[I_am_not_mafia]

A reasonable person can anticipate that a normal man will be upset if he discovers the "girl" he's been hot and heavy with either had or still has a penis.  It's not really fair for that person to withhold that information, and then pretend to be surprised when things go really bad really fast upon discovery.

What about though if you know that the other person will never find out?

All you then is a sexual encounter that you both enjoy. Where's the harm in that?

If trans relationships were very common, or generally acceptable, then it wouldn't really be necessary to let a new romantic partner know your background.

Transsexuals may not be very common, but neither are all the other characteristics I mentioned that may turn people off. But there are so many of them to list in advance. Why should transsexuality be the one being singled out as the only one needing to be revealed?

By the way, putting "girl" in quotation marks like that is deeply insulting and invalidates and negates many people's core existence through no fault of their own. People who are already some of the most marginalised and disenfranchised in the population. I thought you might need to know what you are actually achieving by doing that in case you didn't realise. If you did know what you were doing, then I would personally be ashamed to be you. Do you reveal your bigoted spiteful nature to potential sexual partners in case it puts them off you?