Supporting Family Members Financially

[Jackalope]

I have a 28 year old layabout stepston - the last thing I did was buy him a bus ticket elsewhere. He's finally making a token effort to provide for himself so maybe he'll be back in good grace someday.

Other than that, I'll help family out of a jam if they don't have a history of abusing it. I have a small family though, most of them self sufficient so it doesn't come up often. I generally wouldn't loan money to family either, except in an exceptional circumstance I loaned my brother 21K (he paid it back).

[EgoDeath]

I have a 28 year old layabout stepston - the last thing I did was buy him a bus ticket elsewhere.  He's finally making a token effort to provide for himself so maybe he'll be back in good grace someday.

Other than that, I'll help family out of a jam if they don't have a history of abusing it.  I have a small family though, most of them self sufficient so it doesn't come up often.  I generally wouldn't loan money to family either, except in an exceptional circumstance I loaned my brother 21K (he paid it back).

I hear you. I think we feel better when we provide for ourselves anyway. At least, I do. And so do most of the people I know. It doesn't feel great to live off of someone else's dollar and not really have the freedom to do what you want in life.

It's much better to find a way to make your own living and then be the person others need support from. Whole different set of problems, but I'd argue most people would feel much better about themselves than if they were just mooching off of loved ones.

[LastPoet]

I was on recovery, since my circle of friends were made of drug users and dealers, I kinda went hermit, home->work->home->work, so I saved some money. Heh, the old man spent like 1k everyday going on hookers (yep, at eleven I was with a naked woman, he took me) and their overpriced beverages while the business was hot. He forgot to pay to the IRS amidst all that, so I had the money to do that, In the end I got what I asked for. He became a helicopter dad to my 25 year difference bro, started a new life and become useful, finally the dad I hadn't growing up. I did the right thing IMHO.

If what you did lead to your dad getting his shit together, then I'd agree: him repaying the loan isn't necessary. Just seeing the improvement in his life, and thereby his mental health, is enough.

You still sober?

They say alcohol is worse than heroin, so yeah, you can only be fooled once.

I usually have a few beers on friday, after work, with my minions, gotta share the loot and keep troops happy.

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I was on recovery, since my circle of friends were made of drug users and dealers, I kinda went hermit, home->work->home->work, so I saved some money. Heh, the old man spent like 1k everyday going on hookers (yep, at eleven I was with a naked woman, he took me) and their overpriced beverages while the business was hot. He forgot to pay to the IRS amidst all that, so I had the money to do that, In the end I got what I asked for. He became a helicopter dad to my 25 year difference bro, started a new life and become useful, finally the dad I hadn't growing up. I did the right thing IMHO.

If what you did lead to your dad getting his shit together, then I'd agree: him repaying the loan isn't necessary. Just seeing the improvement in his life, and thereby his mental health, is enough.

You still sober?

They say alcohol is worse than heroin, so yeah, you can only be fooled once.

I usually have a few beers on friday, after work, with my minions, gotta share the loot and keep troops happy.

[EgoDeath]

They say alcohol is worse than heroin, so yeah, you can only be fooled once.

I usually have a few beers on friday, after work, with my minions, gotta share the loot and keep troops happy.

Depends on how you define "worse." Though I don't see any way one could call alcohol worse. Just my $0.02.

If you can have a few beers and it doesn't turn into anything else, then great. I'm not blessed with that skill. For me, once drugs are in my system, logical decision making seems to go out the window.

Though, I don't think I'd ever really enjoy having just a few anyway. I might as well sit there and drink soda water or a Cola.

[tackattack]

Me personally, I can speak from a place of being the safety net for family. There is definite cause for pause with relation to becoming the crutch. I don't pry in their lives unless they owe me something. That, I see, gives me the right to at least ask how it's being used and help brainstorm alternatives. As log as it opens a dialogue, I'm open to hand outs. The goal being not to have to support them forever. I'd rather teach them how to fish on their own, but while they're fishing in my lake it does get a little edgy and crowded.

[Prycejosh1987]

I had the recent experience of having a family member ask for some money. I won't go into details, as it's really not important, but I will add that since the gift was given, I am weary of continuing this trend. It wasn't a loan, it was a one-time gift, and I made that clear. However, I'm worried that this family member may begin to expect more money as time goes on. I have no problem helping someone in need, especially if it's someone I care about. But the concern about enabling someone you love is a very real one, and I don't want this family member to think I'm their ticket to a free ride.

Have any of you guys had experience with this? How do you avoid enabling someone when you want to support them? Surely, I'm not breaking the bank by doing what I did, but I don't want it to continue either, even if I can afford it. It's one thing to help someone out once in a while, it's another to enable them into thinking they don't have to work or can depend on you for money.

I suppose many parents deal with this type of dilemma with their children, but in this case the person is older than me. I just don't want this to turn into bad blood. Sometimes when you start to treat people a certain way, they expect that treatment forever, then treat you like the bad guy when that treatment stops. Even if you never owed it to them in the first place.

I THINK YOU SHOULD GIVE MONEY FREELY TO YOUR FAMILY MEMBERS IF IT WILL BE PUT TO GOOD USE AND ALSO HELP THEM IN OTHER WAYS TO PREVENT THEM FROM WANTING MONEY FROM YOU AGAIN. SELFLESS LOVE JESUS SAID GIVE TO THOSE WHO ASK SO DO IT GOD WILL BLESS YOU AND YOU WILL BE DOJNG A GOOD THING. BUT YOU CAN HELP YOUR FAMILY IN OTHER WAYS.

[The Grand Nudger]

The wife and I have bad my brother, my mother, and her father and mother live with us for extended periods. Talking about years. We've had family living with us for longer than we've been living without them. We lived with my mother, and her mother and father, too, for a time.

That's what family is for. What else would it be for, if not to keep each other from going under? It's a far more mundane and earthly reality than anything a failed demigod has to say.