The Philippines. What would you do?

[paulpablo]

I booked a ticket to the Philippines which I mentioned in another thread not too long ago. The stay there is from November to December.

There's an issue with me going though.

I booked the non refundable plane ticket on the very same day I met a woman I really like who I'm now in a relationship with. 

I've been troubleshooting all the issues with staying and going with people in work and my girlfriend.

If I go there was an issue of the Philippines being known as a place where women tend to love western men.  She says my drive with women is high and asked me questions about me cheating.  I don't want to cheat and in my mind I've re framed the whole trip as being a three week kind of rehab for me.  Get away from the horrible wet British weather, get some good sleep which I don't while I'm in work, eat healthy, go hiking, swimming, jogging on the beach and so on.

There's my worry of her forgetting about me, getting bored on her own and cheating but she says we will find some way to communicate and she will be in work most the time.  I'm really only gone for 2 weekends, the time when we see each other the most.  I leave on Saturday the 23rd November I'm back Friday the 13th December.   

She has said that she knows I won't have anything to do if I stay in England.  I'll probably stay at hers all day playing Call of Duty, it'll be too cold to go out, plus it's only mildly light outside for a few hours if the day, my friends will all be in work, she will be in work. my most exciting trip out will be going to the city center for shopping, and going to the gym and that's it. 

Since she made that statement to me last night I've landed on the decision to go, but I still keep wavering. 

What would you do?

[BrianSoddingBoru4]

Go.  If you're in a relationship where three weeks apart has you both worried about cheating, it's not that strong a relationship to begin with.

Boru

[Gawdzilla Sama]

Yep, fickle is a major alarm.

[paulpablo]

I should add we've only been seeing each other for 10 weeks. And we have agreed we will probably feel more stable after another month or so.
She has been cheated on in the last relationship.

As for me in probably just the most skeptical person ever. I assume most people have cheated, especially couples who seem very perfect and loving.

I don't want to just be another average easily tempted man though and I don't think she's an average woman.

[Cod]

You only live once just go. If your feelings are strong enough towards this girl, they should override any urges to have a dabble.

[brewer]

If a relationship can't handle a trip, it's not much of a relationship.

[brewer]

For god's sake, don't tell her about the zip code rule.

[paulpablo]

Update on this, I decided not to go, my girlfriend swapped her days off from work around so we're now going to Amsterdam instead. Ideally I want to try out space cakes, drink a lot and watch one of those live x rated shows. We're just going for a few days as well.

[EgoDeath]

I find most anxiety in relationships, and in life in general, to be unfounded. If I'm dating a girl, and it's established that we're being monogamous, that we only want one another, at least for the time being, and we go out to a bar, I don't care if she flirts or talks to other guys. She can look at other guys and talk to them and share a drink - I'm not going to trip about that. We're all humans, we all like sex, and women are no different - as much as clueless men will try to tell you otherwise... Overheard a conversation in a bar last night of two girls I know talking about their boyfriends dicks in a very intense amount of detail... Yes, gentlemen, they talk about us just like we talk about them - big surprise, right? LOL.

It's okay if she finds some guy in the bar attractive and looks at him or goes and talks to him. It's completely natural, and often not even something that's done consciously. And even if it is - that's fine too. But if it gets to the point where they're actually exchanging numbers, and she's letting him believe that there's a real shot, that means she's not bringing me up, which means she doesn't want him to know that I'm in the picture. That's a red flag. And everyone has their own line that they draw... I know guys, friends of mine, who don't even really want their girlfriends talking to other guys if we're out at the bar or something... To me, that's a bit controlling, but it's not my relationship, so I don't judge.

The point is, I'm not going to try and control what my girl does. Her actions will show me whether or not she respects me. I don't need to try to cling on to her and prevent her from being exposed to the world, or other men, more specifically... that will, if anything, push her away, and make her more likely to cheat, or seek some kind of emotional comfort with another man, which is just as bad as cheating, in many ways.

My point in saying all of this is: If you two respect and trust each other, and I assume you want my advice because this is a public thread, then there shouldn't be this much talk of cheating, especially only three months into the relationship. That's hardly even your girlfriend at three months LOL.

Just saying man: there's already some red flags here popping up that you should be taking note of. I know how it is... you meet a new girl, the conversation is good, you love being around her, the sex is good, she likes the same things you like, or whatever it is that creates the connection. But despite all of the good shit, an insecure woman, or man, can ruin a good relationship without even trying to. Just don't get your hopes up brother, it sounds like she's got some baggage that she's unloading on you pretty early in the relationship. You might be the rebound guy, or something else... who knows? I know we love to act like we really know our significant others, but do we? Plenty of people do, sure. But a lot of fucking people don't. We often try to present the best version of ourselves... don't we?

How much do you really know this woman? I'm just asking you to think about it. That's all. For me, talk of cheating and infidelity three months into a relationship, to the point where she's concerned about you going on a trip without her, is really fucking alarming.

My brother, right now, is dating some girl, who is the sister of our friend's girlfriend... she's already bossing him around and getting him involved in family drama and all of this other shit. But he's pussy-whipped, so he's putting up with it, and it's really sad to watch. They've been together three weeks and trust me, I'm telling him the same shit I'm telling you.

Red flags are red flags. Don't ignore them.

[paulpablo]

I wouldn't respect her if she didn't at least think about me of cheating on her in this situation.  She would have to be insanely naive not to.   I planned the trip out as a single, sexually active man, going to a country notorious for westerners like myself going and picking up women.  Not only that but my locations were to cities and areas specifically for that.  The original hotel I booked was in an actual red light district.  

I wasn't going there specifically for prostitutes but my plan was that if all else fails at least I could pick one up if I wanted to.  This was as a single man. 

But anyway, the decision to go or not to go and the talk of cheating and infidelity was all a convo I was having with myself and thinking about myself.  I decided not to go now just because I realized I don't want to go without sex for 3 weeks that would kill me and also cheating on my girlfriend would kill me too. 

She was doing lots to encourage me to go because she would have felt guilty about stopping me, things have worked out alright now because we're both going together on a shorter trip to Cyprus if all goes according to plan, she re arranged her time off work to be when I'm off work.

Things have been going so well with this woman, I've just celebrated my birthday with her and had the best time with her and she got me the best gifts I've ever been given, I fully expect something tragic to happen. Maybe the plane will crash.