[Serious] Atheist married to Pentecostal. Anyone else in this situation?

[hayabusa2003]

Have you considered becoming Pentecostal yourself?

Boru

No, I'm a firm non believer.

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OP: If you come back, tell us about your donor cycle.

Donor cycle?

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New member here. Hello first of all. I am in a situation that I'm afraid is quite delicate and was wondering if anyone else has ever found themselves in a similar situation. This post will be lengthy so bear with me. I found this site and registered to hopefully find someone who can give me some advice. I have been married for almost 12 years. I am an atheist and my wife is a Pentecostal Christian. We have 3 children. When we get together she we was a church goer but wasn't exactly a practicing Christian. Recently she was "born again". She is a part of the Pentecostal church, speaking in tongues, shouting, the whole ball of wax. I grew up in the church as well. I came out as as an atheist in my teen years and distanced myself from the faith as much as I could. But I feel in love with her and have tried to put up with her faith as best I could. We have had some very heated arguments over the years over religion unfortunately. I'm to blame for most of it. Since she was "saved" though, I find myself just wanting to distance myself from her. I grew up watching these ppl practice their religion and I just cannot stomach the fact that she behaves that way in church. I have not seen myself but have heard that she goes all out in church. I have always thought of myself as an ANTI-theist. If you're reading this then you're probably wondering why I married a Christian. Best answer I can give is it just worked out that way. I do love her very much. Recently though I have been thinking very heavily of divorce. Very serious doubts and problems have arisen within myself with my marriage. I'm wondering if we'd both be better off if we just separated. I'm so confused and don't really know how to move forward with my problem. I can't ask her to change because for one she won't, and for another it's not fair to ask to start with. Has anyone else ever dealt with a situation like mine? Civil responses plz, I'm well aware of the severity of my situation so I don't need it pointed out in a cruel manner. Thank you for your time.

Shit happens. The "born again" thing ruined my second marriage. Happened in the third year, she got sucked in by the nondenominational fundies. I attended a couple of times to see what was what, 5 hours of church on Sundays, women cover their heads and can't speak, sit in silence until the spirit moves the men to preach, no friends outside of church, got the hard sell anytime I did see the church folks, ................ you probably know their drill for heathens. Anyway, we held it together for another 4 years but the time together got worse and worse. At the end, god told her to get rid of me. It may end the same for you. I recommend that you start protecting your assets. Losing the house, car, kid, half my retirement investment and 1/3 of my paycheck all at once sucked. But I got over it.

Now I'm married to a cafeteria catholic. We get along just fine, our theism/atheism is treated with humor.

And I hear from the kid that the ex no longer attends church.

BTW, Welcome to the forum!

(POE?)

Damn, that sounds like a full blown cult to me. I have given thought to your points already many times. My wife's beliefs dont appear to be as u described. Not saying it won't happen but it does seem to be a different mindset. My situation falls more on my needs an wants. I feel terrible about how I feel about her religious practices. But in the end I can't deny my feelings about it. It is what it is. Thanks for the welcome btw.

[brewer]

OP: If you come back, tell us about your donor cycle.

Donor cycle?

Isn't you user name a reference to the motorcycle?

[hayabusa2003]

Donor cycle?

Isn't you user name a reference to the motorcycle?

O lol, no. It's a reference to the Japanese pro wrestler.

[Zepp]

I've never been married or had any children for the reason of having complete control over all aspects of my life.

I grew up with a pentecostal mother and it was hell. I would easily say these are the worst of the christians, my mother claims to have seen Jesus in the sky and warns us of hell almost every day growing up. I've been told that I have a demon in me since I laugh at the bible, Yahweh, Jesus. I'm almost 50 and have been an atheist probably since 5 when I asked the question if God made us, who made God......the infinite regress.

It's no laughing matter who you get into a relationship with when it comes to atheism. We have a trip hammer response to bullshit by default, we are known for sniffing out and questioning anything and everything.

I used to think atheism was just one aspect of who I am, but it overlaps in all areas of my thinking. Once you throw out God, you start looking around for other things to throw out as well, you realize that society is largely built on myths that there is no objective reality, everything is relative, everything is a matter of chemical reactions in our brains, pretty soon everything that one can hold dear is tossed away, more and more is tossed, stripped down to the point you start realizing it's all bullshit. Which at the point you are a danger to the public, a public that lives and dies by belief in these myths that hold our f*cked up society together.

[Silver]

Ask yourself this: is she attempting to convert you at home or behaving extremely religiously while at home? If the answer is no, then the only problem, from what I can gather of what you have written, is that she is behaving as normally as she can at home while simply going all out in the natural habitat of church.

[Anomalocaris]

Have you considered becoming Pentecostal yourself?

Boru

That would be like living happily ever after by hanging yourself.

[Little lunch]

I think, if you're a male and you share three children, then I would think about seeing a lawyer, not just before you get a divorce, but before you even mention to her that you're thinking about it.
That's my best advice. :-)

[Zepp]

I think it's silly to stay with someone just because you're married with children.

Pentecostalism is no joke, it is based on the book of Acts, the gifts of the holy spirit, once a person goes down this road they rarely comeback to reality.

There's no way a skeptic and free thinker can endure that sort of nonsense day after day.

Religion forces you into a box, it limits your options, it's terrifying how this bullshit has robbed so many people of their limited life span. Having to walk on eggshells around a nutter that believes in this would be excruciatingly painful.

It says in the bible you can't be unevenly yoked, that this religion will cause family to hate each other.......who the fuck would put up with that kind of shit for any length of time.

The main problem with Pentecostals and this often inflicts females the most, they want to force this horseshit on their kids, if you leave the family the kids will be defenseless against her will.

[Ranjr]

After 7 years of good marriage, I gave my wife the opportunity to fulfill her professional goal and childhood dream.  She went back to school and became an attorney.  The experience and new profession brought out a hateful aspect of her personality.  She became a total bitch.  

I was still happy because I was in the golden age of parenthood.  I had a son and daughter, three years apart in age, and was all about being dad.  I was in demand professionally, a go-to guy in my area.  There was enough to be happy about that I didn't let the psychological and verbal abuse get me down.

When the kids were 12 and 15, she filed and kicked me out.  Tried to take more than her share, but I had attorney friends too.  I moved to a rental house not far from the old house and began again.  Made a fun place for the kids to be 6 out of every 14 days.  I returned to the local music scene.  I made new friends.  I met a beautiful lady.

She had grown up in Dallas, in a catholic community.  She went to catholic school.  Though she no longer attends mass or practices religion, that upbringing is very much a part of who she is.  She believes in god and Jesus and knows I don't.  We dated for several years, lived together a couple more, and married a while back.

The first wife was an atheist bitch.  The second is a catholic sweetheart.  So in my experience, marital relations have less to do with religion and more to do with how she treats you.  Do the two of you click and spark?  That's what matters.

[Abaddon_ire]

After 7 years of good marriage, I gave my wife the opportunity to fulfill her professional goal and childhood dream.  She went back to school and became an attorney.  The experience and new profession brought out a hateful aspect of her personality.  She became a total bitch.  

I was still happy because I was in the golden age of parenthood.  I had a son and daughter, three years apart in age, and was all about being dad.  I was in demand professionally, a go-to guy in my area.  There was enough to be happy about that I didn't let the psychological and verbal abuse get me down.

When the kids were 12 and 15, she filed and kicked me out.  Tried to take more than her share, but I had attorney friends too.  I moved to a rental house not far from the old house and began again.  Made a fun place for the kids to be 6 out of every 14 days.  I returned to the local music scene.  I made new friends.  I met a beautiful lady.

She had grown up in Dallas, in a catholic community.  She went to catholic school.  Though she no longer attends mass or practices religion, that upbringing is very much a part of who she is.  She believes in god and Jesus and knows I don't.  We dated for several years, lived together a couple more, and married a while back.

The first wife was an atheist bitch.  The second is a catholic sweetheart.  So in my experience, marital relations have less to do with religion and more to do with how she treats you.  Do the two of you click and spark?  That's what matters.

Umm. In my case all was well until the 2008 crash. Then it became quite apparent that the money was the thing. I owned four companies at that time and all of them were wiped off the map. 

Once the money stopped, so did she.

In court, I got financially raped because she was the mother.

But where are we now?

Well, I own my own home outright and have no debt. My kids have keys and can come and go as they please. They will own that home outright because those are the terms of my will in the event of my death. My eldest will be appointed executor shortly. 

She has put herself in debt to the hilt, (she will die with a sack of debt), has a partner that pays none of the bills (literally none) and her own kids consider her of...challenged intellect.  It is so bad that I find myself defending the bitch.