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Current time: October 17, 2021, 12:23 pm

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[Serious] Rational reason for ending my life.
#1
Rational reason for ending my life.
CONTEXT:

I've lived a very uneventful life full of fuck-ups. My earliest memory is as a fuck-up. I was put into the hall for having said something mean to a class mate in kindergarten. Since then I cheated on tests, stole from my school and even talked them into giving me an independent study with a custom built, by my specification (this was in the 1990s) computer from scratch, which I also stole from. I literally lifted a graphics board out of the computer and took it home while plugging in the VGA monitor into the Mobo port and NOBODY KNEW the difference. Back then it was probably worth about $2000 in today bucks, but cost the school $600.

I never got better. I went to a scummy school, for an associates degree. I didn't learn anything accept from our required ethics course. Seems clear that value and interest can be weighted against human lives. To that end I've lived a fairly worthless existence doing work for who ever would pay me. That is until 2007-8 hit which killed all my business.

I lost my home and all my referrals and general business.

I was forced to move in with my brother for 2 years before he kicked me out, he had a legit job that I kept trying to subvert. Then I moved in with my mother. I lived with her till she died. I never changed.

No I'm just a miserable worthless piece of human waist walking around out there.

METHOD:
I think buying a nitro tank and getting an end bag is the way to go. That said. AI cannot solicit anything illegal. I would not, for example: ask for a nitro tank. I would not ever offer to pay well in advance for said thing. Nobody is suggesting any transactions.

Thanks!
-gb
"I'm thick." - Me
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#2
RE: Rational reason for ending my life.
I can't even begin to know where to start to help fix your issues concretely, but from one poor bugger who wants to let some other poor bugger know where he found some bread, this would be a good place to start.

And just as a heads up, I reported your post. Looking at the rules, I don't know if there is a specific rule for a person outlining a plan to kill themselves, but there should be.
I was born with a gift of laughter and a sense that the world is mad.

[Image: harmlesskitchen.png]

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#3
RE: Rational reason for ending my life.
(April 12, 2021 at 9:40 pm)Goosebump Wrote: CONTEXT:

I've lived a very uneventful life full of fuck-ups. My earliest memory is as a fuck-up. I was put into the hall for having said something mean to a class mate in kindergarten. Since then I cheated on tests, stole from my school and even talked them into giving me an independent study with a custom built, by my specification (this was in the 1990s) computer from scratch, which I also stole from. I literally lifted a graphics board out of the computer and took it home while plugging in the VGA monitor into the Mobo port and NOBODY KNEW the difference. Back then it was probably worth about $2000 in today bucks, but cost the school $600.

I never got better. I went to a scummy school, for an associates degree. I didn't learn anything accept from our required ethics course. Seems clear that value and interest can be weighted against human lives. To that end I've lived a fairly worthless existence doing work for who ever would pay me. That is until 2007-8 hit which killed all my business.

I lost my home and all my referrals and general business.

I was forced to move in with my brother for 2 years before he kicked me out, he had a legit job that I kept trying to subvert. Then I moved in with my mother. I lived with her till she died. I never changed.

No I'm just a miserable worthless piece of human waist walking around out there.

METHOD:
I think buying a nitro tank and getting an end bag is the way to go. That said. AI cannot solicit anything illegal. I would not, for example: ask for a nitro tank. I would not ever offer to pay well in advance for said thing. Nobody is suggesting any transactions.

Thanks!
-gb

I'm not sure where you are but please call a helpline.  

Here are some references:  National Suicide Prevention Lifeline
1-800-273-8255
Emergency number
911


suicidepreventionlifeline.org - several resources here including an online chat option


Please take the time to reach out on one of these platforms to receive trained counseling.

Though many here would like to help, we aren't trained in the help you need right now.  We certainly aren't going to help you obtain the means to end your life.

Please, please...reach out to those who are out there to help you.
       I am the storm.                                                             
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#4
RE: Rational reason for ending my life.
(April 12, 2021 at 9:40 pm)Goosebump Wrote: I've lived a very uneventful life full of fuck-ups.

I found out yesterday that a guy I know, a popular dance teacher and one of the top-rated dancers in Japan, has advanced pancreatic cancer and won't live to see the autumn. He's 32. He went to a dance competition last week, had some back pain, and the doctor told him there's nothing anyone can do.

I think that if you asked his opinion, he would tell you to hold on a while longer. Life is so goddamned short as it is. And the amount of time we get -- fortunately or unfortunately -- is in no way related to how good we are. 

For what it's worth, I think the fact that you are so self-critical is an admirable quality. People are really good at justifying their bad behavior and blaming it all on everyone else. A clear-eyed assessment, even if it's a bad one, means that you're not all bad. 

I haven't thought about it in a long time, but I stole something expensive from my school, also. When I graduated from art school in NYC I stole a big easel -- one of those complicated adjustable ones that can hold an 8-foot canvas. I took it into the emergency stairwell, disassembled it, wrapped it to look like paintings, and took it right out the freight elevator. I gave it to a girl I was crazy about. Probably I should feel guilty about that. It was a long time ago. I won't tell you which school in case someone here wants to rat on me.
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#5
RE: Rational reason for ending my life.
It doesn't matter how bad things seem, they can and will get better.

Take it from someone who's been there.

The first step is to find someone to talk to, whether a professional or a friend/relative.

Arewethereyet's suggestions are a good place to start.
Dying to live, living to die.
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#6
RE: Rational reason for ending my life.
(April 13, 2021 at 6:45 am)The Valkyrie Wrote: It doesn't matter how bad things seem, they can and will get better.

Take it from someone who's been there.  

The first step is to find someone to talk to, whether a professional or a friend/relative.

Arewethereyet's suggestions are a good place to start.

All life dies. 

The real argument is to value the time you have.
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#7
RE: Rational reason for ending my life.
(April 13, 2021 at 6:47 am)Brian37 Wrote:
(April 13, 2021 at 6:45 am)The Valkyrie Wrote: It doesn't matter how bad things seem, they can and will get better.

Take it from someone who's been there.  

The first step is to find someone to talk to, whether a professional or a friend/relative.

Arewethereyet's suggestions are a good place to start.

All life dies. 

The real argument is to value the time you have.

That doesn't help anyone in the depths of depression.
Dying to live, living to die.
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#8
RE: Rational reason for ending my life.
Goosebump - it strikes me that many of your grievances have their root in the prevailing free market economic system prevalent in the "West." Please allow me to honestly assure you that, as a first class graduate of studying economics, that prevailing system in no way prioritises rewarding the good natured - on the contrary, the evil, ruthless and bloodthirsty all too often rise to the top, and the opposite is also true. Materialistic greed and thievery are symptoms of the "selfish" attitude and psychological paradigm upon which Adam Smith's "Invisible Hand" of free market economics rests. All are indoctrinated in that fold and only a few break free and "see the forest." I think you are probably one of those people, and a rare gem at that who should, IMO, have abundant and rounded self esteem, whatever this archaic excuse of a socio-economic paradigm might strike you with. Good luck, good health and a brighter thought still, Lawz.
Violin Violin Violin Violin Violin Faints 

Crusading Faithful Atheism - for faithful atheist crusaders!
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#9
RE: Rational reason for ending my life.
@Goosebump Seek professional help.

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#10
RE: Rational reason for ending my life.
Meh....
[Image: mtfbwyf.jpg]
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