[Serious] Are you in therapy?

[Rev. Rye]

Been in therapy for about 9 1/2 years. She’s helped me through college at the start and is helping me through my impending… I’m not sure what the term is for losing your job because the business in question has stopped existing, which the candy store will at the end of October. I suspect I’d probably have killed myself at some point if not for her.

[zwanzig]

I realized I never properly responded to this. I meant to but got busy and it slipped my mind. Just like all my topics. I don't "shit and run" on purpose.

I wanted to thank everyone for their advice and opinions. Agreed, if I do this, I'll be doing it to challenge the painful things that are keeping me angry, vulnerable, and halting my ability to heal and grow. That's what has me hesitating because I don't know how much I trust myself to not give up if it makes me uncomfortable. On paper, I think I can. But once I get in there, who knows what I'll be confronted with? I've been watching a lot of youtube about how to select someone and how to know if it's a good fit.

Now that we've handled our disclaimers. Elephant in the room...what concepts and ideas? I can't help but gawk and wonder...I don't think I'm even capable of imagining.

Are you talking about where I said there's concepts and ideas that I get emotional about still? Like, I get angry, upset. When I talk about the Mormon cult, it's genuinely talking about it AS a cult. I was all in. I had absolute trust in the leaders, the prophet, that they spoke directly to and for God and that if they told me to pick my nose and eat it or to push grandma down the stairs, that there was a part of god's plan that I didn't know but they had that access. And I would do it, trusting in their privilege without question. A scary thing to admit to but even when I was inactive, if the prophet had come out with something extreme, something kool-aid related, it wouldn't have hit my radar to doubt or deny. It would instead have been processed as "oh shit...this is it. God's coming down the stairs and He means business."

So, concepts and ideas I get triggered by are things having to do with trust, obedience, the moral character of god. Like, my obedience was conditional on that absolute trust in the perfection of god and the infallibility of the Mormon prophets. I made choices for my life based on my trust in the cult, in the God they represented. And I had that trust betrayed, I wasted my time, my life over lies, scammed out of my hard earned money for years. On the topic of prayer, on the other site, some dude got in my shit and told me that I resented sky daddy for not holding my hand. And yeah....yeah, that's true. I hold resentment for the fantasy I wanted, the ability to depend on something being absolutely true.

But I can't stay angry and full of regret. I can't punish people in my life for what the cult did to take advantage of me.

[brewer]

But I can't stay angry and full of regret. I can't punish people in my life for what the cult did to take advantage of me.

Don't you think the 'cult' also took/is taking advantage of the people in you life? They're probably also victims but their programming won't let them see it.

[zwanzig]

But I can't stay angry and full of regret. I can't punish people in my life for what the cult did to take advantage of me.

Don't you think the 'cult' also took/is taking advantage of the people in you life? They're probably also victims but their programming won't let them see it.

Yes. This is something I try to remember.

But amidst the frustration of the occasional time doctrine comes up, it's hard to remember that when they stand in as a representative for those falsehoods. And I've had it occur to me mid-discussion before that the person I'm talking to has been lied to just like I was, but I double down on frustration because I wish I could save them, snap them out of it. It's not about saving them though, it's about me. Because I think I was so so dumb to have fallen for it, to have been in it so much for so long. And that's what I think I need guidance processing. I think it's called projection. I can name it, identify it when it has occurred, but I don't know how to stop doing it.

[brewer]

Don't you think the 'cult' also took/is taking advantage of the people in you life? They're probably also victims but their programming won't let them see it.

Yes. This is something I try to remember.

But amidst the frustration of the occasional time doctrine comes up, it's hard to remember that when they stand in as a representative for those falsehoods. And I've had it occur to me mid-discussion before that the person I'm talking to has been lied to just like I was, but I double down on frustration because I wish I could save them, snap them out of it. It's not about saving them though, it's about me. Because I think I was so so dumb to have fallen for it, to have been in it so much for so long. And that's what I think I need guidance processing. I think it's called projection. I can name it, identify it when it has occurred, but I don't know how to stop doing it.

There's a difference between dumb and indoctrinated, even the intelligent can be brainwashed. Try therapy but also cut yourself some slack.

[arewethereyet]

Yes. This is something I try to remember.

But amidst the frustration of the occasional time doctrine comes up, it's hard to remember that when they stand in as a representative for those falsehoods. And I've had it occur to me mid-discussion before that the person I'm talking to has been lied to just like I was, but I double down on frustration because I wish I could save them, snap them out of it. It's not about saving them though, it's about me. Because I think I was so so dumb to have fallen for it, to have been in it so much for so long. And that's what I think I need guidance processing. I think it's called projection. I can name it, identify it when it has occurred, but I don't know how to stop doing it.

There's a difference between dumb and indoctrinated, even the intelligent can be brainwashed. Try therapy but also cut yourself some slack.

What Brewer said is very true. A former coworker (and still friend) was raised JW. She broke from it shortly before I met her and they really put her through some crap. She even lost her daughter to her ex for several years and was disfellowed in the church in front of her daughter.

We were talking one day about what she would do if she ever had to make the decision for her daughter to have a blood transfusion to save her life. Though it had been a few years, she was still hesitant to answer and said she hoped she didn't ever have to make that decision. I reminded her that it was a blood transfusion that saved her younger brother's life (their dad was not JW and he approved it). Her response was that her brother probably wouldn't have Hep C had he not had that transfusion...yeah, but he'd be dead.

It was during that conversation I realized how deeply the hooks were into her.

Another heartbreaking convo with her was when she said she was sort of glad her grandmother was suffering from dementia because if her grandmother remembered that she had been disfellowed, she would not be welcome to visit.

Counseling, with the right therapist, did her a world of good.

[tackattack]

Dealing with the isolation of Covid, the isolation in a town where you're the minority belief, not being able to control your projection and emotional responses, all are great reasons to seek help. Knowing you're part of this group of internet strangers that share your opinions and the friendships you might have built here, can help relieve some of that pressure and reassure you to give yourself some breathing room, but it's no substitute for working out the whys, whats and more importantly hows to improve yourself. My IM box is always open if you need to vent at a religious person for what happened to you instead of someone you love. In the interim there should be a lot of potentially really low cost solutions to getting therapy, you just need one that's right for you. Good luck and chin up.

[brewer]

Until you find a therapy(pist) you could always try a rage room.

[Oldandeasilyconfused]

Until you find a therapy(pist) you could always try a rage room.

 Finished 7 years with both a shrink and a cognitive psychologist.

The shrink developed a cocktail of psychotropics which keep me from killing myself. Together with the Psychologist, we built a slightly stronger me.  

In 2012 shrink diagnosed me as being on the autism spectrum (what used to be called Asperger's Syndrome) Changed nothing but explained a lot.  My Psychologist discharged me in November last year, assessing that I was "a psychologically healthy man" . I still take the meds.

[brewer]

Until you find a therapy(pist) you could always try a rage room.

 Finished 7 years with both a shrink and a cognitive psychologist.

The shrink developed a cocktail of psychotropics which keep me from killing myself. Together with the Psychologist, we built a slightly stronger me.  

In 2012 shrink diagnosed me as being on the autism spectrum (what used to be called Asperger's Syndrome) Changed nothing but explained a lot.  My Psychologist discharged me in November last year, assessing that I was "a psychologically healthy man" . I still take the meds.

Thanks for your candor.