[split] Ethics - parental responsibility re: children

[Ahriman]

That might be why you have such a dim outlook on life.  You're unwilling to do things even if doing them would fix whatever situation you happen to be complaining about at a given time.

I doubt that's your parents fault.

Yeah for sure, working hard at a job would cure my mental illness that makes me hate working hard. You got it all figured out.

[BrianSoddingBoru4]

Nope. Just pointing out differences in how parents arrange for their kids to have spending money.

If it helps, I absolutely hated farm work, both the amount and the difficulty of it.

Boru

Yeah that's the kind of stuff I wouldn't do even if I was going to be paid a lot of money.

When you grow up on a farm, not working isn’t exactly an option.

Boru

[The Grand Nudger]

Maybe you should try it? See if all that physical work improves your state of mind and burns a pound of butter off your ass at the same time. Then, ofc, there's the kind of strong friendships that tend to be built by people working tough jobs in adverse conditions.

I mean, I know who I'd call if I murdered someone and needed to bury a body quick in broad daylight.

At some point, whatever ethical responsibilities parents have to children give way to the ethical responsibility you have for yourself, and it would be silly to harp on the one while ignoring or denying the other. This is the lesson of the farmwork, this is the lesson of the discretionary cash. You want something? Go get it. You've got an allowance. Not enough? Fatten those pigs little man. Draw a map from where you are to where you want to be and walk that path.

[Ahriman]

My parents made me do chores when I was younger, and I hated it so much that I formed a fucking psychosis around the idea of manual labor.

[The Grand Nudger]

That doesn't appear to be an effect of doing chores. That's just you. It's also an example of your parents trying to satisfy their ethical obligations to you, and you refusing.

My own kids are mounting a rebellion against chores. They still think I'm a maid, which makes me laugh all the way down to my scrotum as I start a burn pile for anything they refuse to pick up. Threw a kindle in there once and the tears were delicious - never seen a device left out again. My oldest boy and youngest daughter prefer to work with me outside rather than cleaning the house or baking cakes - an organic division of labor is taking shape. They're young....though... kindof hope you're further along in becoming a human being?

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So, heres the q, ahri - if we're entertaining this as more than a shitpost, and you're willing to maintain that your own parents were in some way ethically deficient for the circumstances or outcome of your life - we have to wonder what's different about your upbringing relevant to mine, an example of parents meeting and exceeding the very obligation you insist on.

So, what's the shape of that - from where you sit, how did your parents fail and leave you a failure while mine succeeded and made me a success?

[Ahriman]

Well for one thing, they shouldn't have made me do chores, they should've been more patient as I was trying to learn my school stuff, and they shouldn't have yelled at me. My parents are failures. I only keep in contact with them because I have to. I used to believe in God, but God is a failure as well.

[The Grand Nudger]

Couldn't have been the chores. That's a shared component. Impatience with a slow student is credible, but I don't know if that alone accounts for or even could account for a judgement of ethical failure.

People get frustrated and they act on it - it might take a little more to make the case you're trying to make - and..... ofc, there are parents who don't do that - yet again satisfying your criteria and falsifying the contention that having children is unethical, at least on those grounds.

[Aegon]

What did you expect to be different?  Did you expect your family to change?

I expected to be in a better mood. That didn't happen. I would hate to say going to the resort was a waste of time, but.......

You can't magically expect to feel better if you return to the same conditions that caused your depressive state to begin with. Steps must be taken to rectify the problem areas in your life. It doesn't matter what your setting is if you bring the same mind with you.

You also can't live your life mood-to-mood, because you will sink into it and feel as though you are trapped in that mood (good or bad). What your current mood is needs to be irrelevant. I'd recommend creating a solid psychological foundation that you can return to no matter how you feel in the present moment. It's something you need to work at, through therapy and mindfulness meditation. That's what helped me, at least. I was depressed and suicidal at 17, addicted to amphetamines at 19. I'm 26 now and I am quite happy, but me and my life went through drastic changes to get there.

What will help you depends on how open you are to certain ideas. But the most important thing is to recognize that you are not your thoughts, that your brain constantly lies to you, and that however you feel in a given moment is a fleeting emotion and not a place you need to live in.

Your fixation on "suffering" makes me think Buddhist philosophy may be of help to you. I recommend starting with Thich Nhat Hanh.

[Ahriman]

Okay, well we can safely say that MY parents creating ME and then treating me the way they treated me, was an ethical failure.

[The Grand Nudger]

Different kettle of fish, entirely. It's not that simply becoming a parent is unethical, according to you or any coherent position you hold...you're just whining about how your parents sucked.

Grab a ticket, get in line? As ever, it may be worth considering that you suck, and your parents were saints for putting up with your shit. If the level of effort you display here on the boards is indicative of the level of effort you put into your own god-damned life, I'd be willing to posit the latter as a near certainty.