Your favorite joke?

[Darinda]

Irish Gas Station

Taking a wee break from the golf course, Tiger Woods drives his new Mercedes into an Irish gas station.

An attendant greets him in typical Irish Manner, unaware who the golf pro is... 'Top o' the mornin to ya'.

As Tiger gets out of the car, two tees fall out of his pocket.

'So what are those things, laddie?' asks the attendant.

They're called tees,' replies Tiger.

'And what would ya be usin 'em for, now?' Inquires the Irishman.

'Well, they're for resting my balls on when I drive,' replies Tiger.

'Aw, Jaysus, Mary an' Joseph! ' exclaims The Irish attendant. 'Those fellas at Mercedes think of everything.'

[Darinda]

A mom and dad were worried about their son not wanting to learn math at the school he was in, so they decided to send him to a Catholic school.

After the first day of school, their son comes racing into the house, goes straight into his room and slams the door shut. Mom and dad are a little worried about this and go to his room to see if he is okay. They find him sitting at his desk doing his homework.

The boy keeps doing that for the rest of the year. At the end of the year the son brings home his report card and gives it to his mom and dad. Looking at it they see under math an A+.

Mom and dad are very happy and ask the son, "What changed your mind about learning math?"

The son looked at mom and dad and said, "Well, on the first day when I walked into the classroom, I saw a guy nailed to the plus sign at the back of the room behind the teacher's desk and I knew they meant business."

[Diamond]

A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak. After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done. The monsignor replied, "When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip."

So the next sunday he took the monsignor's advice. at the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink. He proceeded to talk up a storm. Upon return to his office after mass, he found the following note on his door:

- sip the vodka, don't gulp

- there are 10 commandments, not 12

- there are 12 disciples, not 10

- Jesus was consecrated, not constipated

- Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not beat his ass

- we do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.

- The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior, and Spook

- when Jesus broke the bread at the Last Supper he said, "take this and eat it, for it is my body", he did not say "eat me."

- the Virgin Mary is not referred to as the "mary with the cherry"

- the recommended grace before a meal is not: "rub-a-dub-dub, thanks for the grub, yea God."

- next sunday there will be a taffy-pulling contest at St. Peter's, not a peter-pulling contest at St. Taffy's

[Cinjin]

Did you know that former supermodel, Claudia Shiffer had a nickname in college?

Yeah, I guess in college she was well known as "Brains".

Kind of surprising right? ....

---

Yep, she was known as Claudia Schiffer Brains

yeah, now its not so surprising

---

[Darinda]

There's a man and a priest playing golf. (Don't ask me why).
The man aims and shoots the ball, and it goes way astray, landing in a pond.
-Shit, I missed! - the man says.
-Don't you curse, young one, or else God will punish you! - adverts the priest.
Time goes on and the man keeps playing. As he is some yards from the hole he aims and shoots, and there goes the golf ball again, into the sky.
-Shit, I missed! - screams the man.
-I'm warning you, do not curse or God will punish you! - the priest warns again.
-Okay, I won't.
But eventually the man came to miss the hole again by a few inches only, and this time he screams loudly to the sky:
-Fuck! Shit! Damn that hole!
Dark clouds appear in the sky, as the wrath of God was unfolding. From the clouds a lighting comes, hitting the priest, thus killing him. Then, from way up, a voice is heard:
-Shit, I missed!