Inceldom

[FrustratedFool]

@GrandizerII

He may well be in a relationship.  The point is, though, is that he is ugly and that his looks will be the key thing that makes his dating life hard.

I do think that your view being such that cannot even allow for the possibility that some will be lonely primarily because of their looks to a cruel, victim-blaming form of toxic positivitity.  It also suggests that you will focus solutions on things other than their looks, which I think k is doing them a disservice.  Surely if you had a magic wand and could only change one thing to help them most it would be to make them good looking? I can't see any other action as being the one in their best interests.

Have we gotten so soft the past couple of decades that if we're saying it's not their looks that's hindering them from a relationship but their mindset, then this becomes victim-blaming and cruel?

And no, if I had a magic wand, I'd fix their mindset first thing. Because that's more important to fix. You're operating on the assumption that the central premise of Black Pillism is true, while I'm not. And I have stated why already.

I think it's just easy to blame one's failures on one's looks or whatever else they feel they can't control at all than on something they can do something about. Because that would mean they would have to accept they are the ones failing, not something attached to them. And people generally have a hard time accepting that.

If you are already equating trauma, loneliness, social ostracisation and so on with 'being soft', then yes, I'd say you were being cruel.

I've rarely experienced people have a hard time with thinking it's something about themselves that makes them bad/unlovable etc. People seem too readily to accept such. But I do find that many people have a really hard time accepting that some people's suffering isn't caused by some moral failing on their part. It reminds me of how the poor are sometimes blamed for not having enough grit or effort or discipline etc.

[zwanzig]

I think this is reaching troll level bullshit.

Which lies do you think I've told so far?

I don't think you've ever been in a small town. Otherwise you would have seen all the ugly people getting some and comingling.

[FrustratedFool]

I've lived in a tiny rural village for a decade, another one for a couple years, and a small town for two years.

How would you like me to convince you of this truth?

And yes, I've seen a few ugly people in relationships. But I've seen far more without relationships, and I've never seen an ugly man with an attractive woman.

[GrandizerII]

Have we gotten so soft the past couple of decades that if we're saying it's not their looks that's hindering them from a relationship but their mindset, then this becomes victim-blaming and cruel?

And no, if I had a magic wand, I'd fix their mindset first thing. Because that's more important to fix. You're operating on the assumption that the central premise of Black Pillism is true, while I'm not. And I have stated why already.

I think it's just easy to blame one's failures on one's looks or whatever else they feel they can't control at all than on something they can do something about. Because that would mean they would have to accept they are the ones failing, not something attached to them. And people generally have a hard time accepting that.

If you are already equating trauma, loneliness, social ostracisation and so on with 'being soft', then yes, I'd say you were being cruel.

When did I do that? I think you're getting so overwhelmed by the many responses here at this time, you're not reading me correctly anymore. So maybe go take a short break or something and come back here when you're refreshed.

[FrustratedFool]

I thought that was implied quite strongly in that post.
But yes, it might well be I'm becoming overwhelmed by the many responses.

Perhaps you can clarify, then, that you think there are genuine cases where someone is traumatised and lonely because of their looks and that this isn't them being soft?

[zwanzig]

I've lived in a tiny rural village for decades, another one for a couple years, and a small town for two years.

How would you like me to convince you of this truth?

Was it in a pocket of Hollywood? Did everyone around you look like they pop out of a magazine?

I've lived in a small town, and the same area since 2009(I moved out to Idaho for 2 years and came right back home). I know small town ugly. And I know the ones who are always having babies(somebody is feckin riding that bike) and the ones that have been married forever.

[FrustratedFool]

No. It was in rural Devon in the UK.

Perhaps what I call average you call ugly.

[GrandizerII]

I've rarely experienced people have a hard time with thinking it's something about themselves that makes them bad/unlovable etc.  People seem too readily to accept such.

I admit there is some subtlety in my comment that maybe needs more clarification. But I said that it's indeed easy for people to blame their failures on something attached to them. Because then they can say they didn't really fail, it's just luck of the draw.

But I do find that many people have a really hard time accepting that some people's suffering isn't caused by some moral failing on their part.  It reminds me of how the poor are sometimes blamed for not having enough grit or effort or discipline etc.

I mean, that's one thing and what we're arguing about here is another thing. Sounds like an apple vs. orange thing.

[zwanzig]

I've lived in a tiny rural village for a decade, another one for a couple years, and a small town for two years.

How would you like me to convince you of this truth?

And yes, I've seen a few ugly people in relationships. But I've seen far more without relationships, and I've never seen an ugly man with an attractive woman.

Omg! Then you're REALLY not in a small town! Usually the prettiest gal in town who isn't educated or ambitious or privileged enough to leave, has ONLY ugly fuckers to do. What are you even saying???

You need more research before you publish this paper, mate. Thesis needs work.

[FrustratedFool]

I've lived in a tiny rural village for a decade, another one for a couple years, and a small town for two years.

How would you like me to convince you of this truth?

And yes, I've seen a few ugly people in relationships. But I've seen far more without relationships, and I've never seen an ugly man with an attractive woman.

Omg! Then you're REALLY not in a small town! Usually the prettiest gal in town who isn't educated or ambitious or privileged enough to leave, has ONLY ugly fuckers to do. What are you even saying???

You need more research before you publish this paper, mate. Thesis needs work.

I'm not sure what you're saying here, tbh.
I currently live in a small town.