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I need advice.
August 18, 2011 at 2:39 pm
Hey guys.
My grandmother is very sick and the doctors are saying she may die soon. My very religious mother is telling me she will be at peace, and that she will be with her mother again, her husband and her dog. I don't believe in a god, I don't believe there is any force at work in the world, but the idea of just ceasing to exist, of just fading out of existence is hard for me to accept.
I'm worried that Grans death is going to hit me like a ton of bricks, I want to be able to draw on something to counsel myself.
If I was religious like Mum, then I would consult my holy book and speak to a respected figure of that religion, but I don't believe, so I am asking the nearest thing, a community of like minded people.
How do you cope with death?
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RE: I need advice.
August 18, 2011 at 2:49 pm
(This post was last modified: August 18, 2011 at 2:50 pm by The Grand Nudger.)
You come to grips with mortality, whatever that means to you. No simple answers on this one. My sympathy, btw.
I am the Infantry. I am my country’s strength in war, her deterrent in peace. I am the heart of the fight… wherever, whenever. I carry America’s faith and honor against her enemies. I am the Queen of Battle. I am what my country expects me to be, the best trained Soldier in the world. In the race for victory, I am swift, determined, and courageous, armed with a fierce will to win. Never will I fail my country’s trust. Always I fight on…through the foe, to the objective, to triumph overall. If necessary, I will fight to my death. By my steadfast courage, I have won more than 200 years of freedom. I yield not to weakness, to hunger, to cowardice, to fatigue, to superior odds, For I am mentally tough, physically strong, and morally straight. I forsake not, my country, my mission, my comrades, my sacred duty. I am relentless. I am always there, now and forever. I AM THE INFANTRY! FOLLOW ME!
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RE: I need advice.
August 18, 2011 at 3:21 pm
To me, the knowledge that life is finite has never been a problem. The only thing I feel sad about is that no-one including myself will be able to interact with the deceased ever again. And I also know that feeling will pass.
Now this is just personal, there are no easy answers that fit everyone I'm afraid. My sympathy to you and your family.
Best regards,
Leo van Miert
Horsepower is how hard you hit the wall --Torque is how far you take the wall with you
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RE: I need advice.
August 18, 2011 at 3:53 pm
Quote:but the idea of just ceasing to exist, of just fading out of existence is hard for me to accept.
Is it any harder to accept than the billions of years which passed before you were born?
Religion gives a nice story to make people feel better. It is little more than that.
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RE: I need advice.
August 18, 2011 at 4:09 pm
(August 18, 2011 at 2:39 pm)capnhook Wrote: Hey guys.
My grandmother is very sick and the doctors are saying she may die soon. My very religious mother is telling me she will be at peace, and that she will be with her mother again, her husband and her dog. I don't believe in a god, I don't believe there is any force at work in the world, but the idea of just ceasing to exist, of just fading out of existence is hard for me to accept.
I'm worried that Grans death is going to hit me like a ton of bricks, I want to be able to draw on something to counsel myself.
If I was religious like Mum, then I would consult my holy book and speak to a respected figure of that religion, but I don't believe, so I am asking the nearest thing, a community of like minded people.
How do you cope with death?
In the case your gran dies, then assuming your gran is your mother's mother then it would seem to me clear that it is your moral duty to support your mother through whatever ritual she thinks appropriate to her grief. In the event your gran is your father's mother then that duty would apply to him instead.
In the meantime, and for as long as your gran is still available to you, then I would suggest you might like to spend as much time with her as you can manage, in co-operation with all others concerned, to provide her with as much pleasure as you can in your nearness. Then, when she does go, you will be most likely to be ready to bear the grief.
Remember also that death is part of the natural process of living and that there is therefore nothing inherently "wrong" with it. When you mourn you will be mourning your loss, not hers. And as an atheist, you will be able to confidently share the belief, in common with your mother, that your gran will not be suffering. No need to dwell on the "being with husband" and so on - if that thought comforts your mother then so be it. Your atheism is your atheism, not hers.
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RE: I need advice.
August 18, 2011 at 4:12 pm
I'm very sorry for your situation, especially as conflicted as you seem. I would take a look around your area and see if there are grief counselors you can contact to help you. Death will never be easy to deal with, religious or no, but there are people (including friends) who can help you through the difficult time.
It will hit you like a ton of bricks, for days, weeks, months even. Time will eventually smooth the rough edges. You said she was very sick - think of it this way: she will no longer be in pain, and you can remember everything good about her without her suffering anymore. It doesn't take away the loss, I know.
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RE: I need advice.
August 18, 2011 at 6:27 pm
(August 18, 2011 at 2:39 pm)capnhook Wrote: I'm worried that Grans death is going to hit me like a ton of bricks, I want to be able to draw on something to counsel myself.
If I was religious like Mum, then I would consult my holy book and speak to a respected figure of that religion, but I don't believe, so I am asking the nearest thing, a community of like minded people.
How do you cope with death?
It will suck, you'll feel a bit lost in your own head, then it will fade.
.
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RE: I need advice.
August 19, 2011 at 12:10 am
I've dealt with death by telling myself it is a necessary and inevitable step in the process of life. As hard as it is to realize, time will make things easier, but try to remember that death is what makes life precious.
You have my sympathy in this difficult time.
Even if the open windows of science at first make us shiver after the cozy indoor warmth of traditional humanizing myths, in the end the fresh air brings vigor, and the great spaces have a splendor of their own - Bertrand Russell
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RE: I need advice.
August 19, 2011 at 12:42 am
(This post was last modified: August 19, 2011 at 12:43 am by Violet.)
(August 18, 2011 at 2:39 pm)capnhook Wrote: Hey guys.
My grandmother is very sick and the doctors are saying she may die soon. My very religious mother is telling me she will be at peace, and that she will be with her mother again, her husband and her dog. I don't believe in a god, I don't believe there is any force at work in the world, but the idea of just ceasing to exist, of just fading out of existence is hard for me to accept.
Funny how the truth usually is hard 
Quote:I'm worried that Grans death is going to hit me like a ton of bricks, I want to be able to draw on something to counsel myself.
Why will it hit you so hard, and why do you want something to 'counsel' yourself?
Quote:If I was religious like Mum, then I would consult my holy book and speak to a respected figure of that religion, but I don't believe, so I am asking the nearest thing, a community of like minded people.
Good plan. I didn't think I passed, and then I posted pictures on a trans forum, and apparently I pass. And am going to be about the sexiest thing ever 
Quote:How do you cope with death?
Same way I cope with everything negative in this world (that is: the world): Laughter. Happy, cheerful, joking, jovial laughter.
Smiling. Kindness. Generosity. Being about the most positive thing in the universe. This song is my heart:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bpb9EbmvM5M
Favorite book, and favorite movie
I knew there was a reason I was purple 
Please give me a home where cloud buffalo roam
Where the dear and the strangers can play
Where sometimes is heard a discouraging word
But the skies are not stormy all day
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