Christian Gene

[DeistPaladin]

Gay Teen Worried that He Might Be Christian (Onion Article)

LOUISVILLE, KY—At first glance, high school senior Lucas Faber, 18, seems like any ordinary gay teen. He's a member of his school's swing choir, enjoys shopping at the mall, and has sex with other males his age. But lately, a growing worry has begun to plague this young gay man. A gnawing feeling that, deep down, he may be a fundamentalist, right-wing Christian.

"I don't know what's happening to me," Faber admitted to reporters Monday. "It's like I get these weird urges sometimes, and suddenly I'm tempted to go behind my friends' backs and attend a megachurch service, or censor books in the school library in some way. Even just the thought of organizing a CD-burning turns me on."

Added Faber, "I feel so confused."

The openly gay teen, who came out to his parents at age 14 and has had a steady boyfriend for the past seven months, said he first began to suspect he might be different last year, when he started feeling an odd stirring within himself every time he passed a church. The more conservative the church, Faber claimed, the stronger his desire was to enter it.

"It's like I don't even know who I am anymore," the frightened teenager said. "Keeping this secret obsession with radical right-wing dogma hidden away from my parents, teachers, and schoolmates is tearing me apart."

According to Faber, his first experience with evangelical Christianity was not all that different from other gays his age.

"Sure, I looked at the Book of Leviticus once or twice—everybody has," Faber said. "We all experiment a little bit with that stuff when we're growing up. But I was just a kid. I didn't think it meant anything."

Faber's instinct was to deny these early emotions. But recently, the Louisville teen admitted, the feelings have grown stronger, making him wonder more and more what life as a born-again right-wing fundamentalist would be like.

"The other week, I was this close to picketing in front of an abortion clinic," the mortified teenager said, his eyes welling up with tears. "I know it's wrong, but I wanted so badly to do it anyway. I even made one of those signs with photos of dead fetuses and hid it in my closet. I felt so ashamed, yet, at the same time, it was all strangely titillating."

Faber's parents, although concerned, said they're convinced their otherwise typical gay son is merely going through a conservative Christian phase.

"I caught him watching The 700 Club once when he thought he was alone in the house, and last week, I found some paperbacks from the Left Behind series hidden in his sock drawer," his mother, Eileen Faber, said. "I'm sure he'll grow out of it, but even if he doesn't, I will love and accept my son no matter what."

Faber's father was far less tolerant in his comments.

"No son of mine is going to try to get intelligent design into school textbooks," Geoffrey Faber said. "And I absolutely refuse to pay his tuition if he decides to go to one of those colleges like Oral Roberts University where they're just going to fill his head with a lot of crazy conservative ideas."

He added, "I just want my normal gay son back."

[The Winter Saint]

I have been fighting my catholic genes for many years. Sometimes 'round mid February, I randomly give up something for 40 days and I don't know why. You know how much it sucks not drinking Dr. Pepper for 40 days? I never want to do that again. But even as I write this, the catholic-helix affixed to my DNA is making me feel guilty, and I make the sign of the cross.

I actually do take part in Lent almost every year. It's a great personal test that everyone should try, religious or not. And on the off chance that there is a god waiting, I can be like "bam, mutherfucka! 7 years of lent, no cheating, no failures. More than most real catholics!"

[Faith No More]

How about one year you give up giving up something for lent.

[The Grand Nudger]

I don't need lent to simulate poverty or malnutrition, my wife and daughters eat all the meat year round, and I promise you every day my children destroy yet another one of my possessions. I'm the bitter son-of-a-bitch in the corner with 4lbs of mashed potatoes on his plate and no toys to play with.

[KichigaiNeko]

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All these "God gene" findings are oversimplified and it doesn't seem like there is going to be much of an effect on our beliefs by removing these genes. This might be a hoax or something.

The 'god genes' as they call them, contain nothing more than the code for monoamine transmitters which regulate the levels of neurotransmitters in our brain.

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These neurotransmitters, such as dopamine, have been linked to our beliefs, such as people with more dopamine are more likely to believe in god.

And as it turns out, these neurotransmitters are the strongest influence you have on whether you believe in god or not. Even stronger than your family environment.

Hence dopey??Hmmm makes marijuana look positively enlightening

[Ace Otana]

The 'god genes' as they call them, contain nothing more than the code for monoamine transmitters which regulate the levels of neurotransmitters in our brain. These neurotransmitters, such as dopamine, have been linked to our beliefs, such as people with more dopamine are more likely to believe in god.

And as it turns out, these neurotransmitters are the strongest influence you have on whether you believe in god or not. Even stronger than your family environment.

There may indeed be some truth to it. Maybe we can cure people from religious madness.

I reckon it will remove those "feelings" that you get or the high need to jump to imagination through ritualistic thinking and behaviour. I wonder if we deployed some kind of vaccine to remove all religious belief from every country. We'd turn the world secular. Imagine that. No fanatics flying planes into buildings. No discrimination from religious nut jobs. No more bullshit. No more religion.
Dream come true.

[Epimethean]

I've also heard of a strange and mysterious cure Rayaan. Education.

Not a surefire cure: One of the most intelligent guys I have ever met is a Harvard PhD in materials science, worked on the military nuclear reactors for subs, and is a professor of physics at a top tier uni. He's also a total relig-O and is extremely reactionary when you point out the fact that his education didn't save him from ignorance on a grander scale.

[IATIA]

Interesting. I suppose that is retaliation for the Fucm gene.

[Ace Otana]

You know, I wonder if there is a gene that we can tamper with that makes women twice as horny as men. I'd probably end up being floored by girls every time I walk up town. Imagine that.

[frankiej]

I think that being twice as horny as men would be dangerous... It may end up causing psychological problems.