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The Gospel of a Village - a True Story (tm)
#1
The Gospel of a Village - a True Story (tm)
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The Gospel of a Village

1. And the village was small and poor, and had little wealth. Its library was failing, and the evil Postal Service threatened to shutter its post office forever.

2. The villagers prayed to Yahweh in their church, for a deliverer to come and save their institutions. Precious few did practical work beyond prayer.

3. And it came to pass that an Atheist and her Wiccan husband moved to the village from another land (Oklahoma), seeking religious freedom.

4. The Atheist and her husband looked around, and saw that the people were good, but oppressed by institutions and superstitions.

5. They first set about forming a Library Friends organisation, to raise money for the faltering library, to save it from the ravenous wolves of budget cuts; they sought to save all, from its computers to its Bibles. And the library was saved.

6. They then sought to challenge the mighty Postal Service, though they had little money to commission studies or reports or mailings of letters exhorting the Faithful to meetings.

7. Then, by intervention that was not divine, the Wiccan won a large prize in the State Lottery. The Atheist and her Wiccan husband now had the means to fight on the Faithful villagers' behalf.

8. They slew the mighty Postal Service closure report, showing it for the trumped-up "cook the books" report it was. The Postal Service, seeing the opposition, retreated from its position, determining instead it required more study.

9. The village Faithful, their post office and library saved, praised Yahweh in their village Church for their deliverance, never asking why God sent an Atheist and a Wiccan to do his (or their own) work.

10. The Faithful also accepted the Atheist and the Wiccan into their tiny community, as they actually worked for Its Betterment, rather than rail at Satan for arraying his forces against It.

11. But their work was unfinished. Ceasar had decreed that all public buildings must comply with the ADA. And the Faithful were filled with woe, for they knew not the Law.

12. But the Atheist in their midst volunteered to the Village Clerk, and did research on the Internet, and learned the esoteric and mystical ways of Grant Applications.

13. She then gave the Village Clerk the information, that the Village could make Applications for monies to upgrade their facilities, though they had not considered this for the Atheist's epileptic husband. She was able to do this, for she is Educated in logic and reason, and had time to expend on the Faithful's behalf, not being occupied with Prayer and Worship.

14. Armed with the new Information, the Clerk was able to complete the Grant Applications, and comply with Ceasar's wishes for ADA compliance.

15. And the people rejoiced, and praised Yahweh's name in their church, never asking why an Atheist had to fill in their Grant Applications, nor wondering why they never complied with the ADA when they had an Epileptic in their midst, nor why Yahweh sent them an Atheist to do his (or their own) work.
A true story . . . by James. Perhaps a religious text someday?

"Be ye not lost amongst Precept of Order." - Book of Uterus, 1:5, "Principia Discordia, or How I Found Goddess and What I Did to Her When I Found Her."
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#2
RE: The Gospel of a Village - a True Story (tm)
This'll never make it bigtime. I've discussed this with the boys in marketing, and we have some ideas. Where do you stand on the following?

-Sex it up a bit.
-Add some gratuitous violence.
-Would you be open to the idea of performing miracles?

We've done some legwork and the target demographic responded very well to these suggestions.
(good work by the way)
I am the Infantry. I am my country’s strength in war, her deterrent in peace. I am the heart of the fight… wherever, whenever. I carry America’s faith and honor against her enemies. I am the Queen of Battle. I am what my country expects me to be, the best trained Soldier in the world. In the race for victory, I am swift, determined, and courageous, armed with a fierce will to win. Never will I fail my country’s trust. Always I fight on…through the foe, to the objective, to triumph overall. If necessary, I will fight to my death. By my steadfast courage, I have won more than 200 years of freedom. I yield not to weakness, to hunger, to cowardice, to fatigue, to superior odds, For I am mentally tough, physically strong, and morally straight. I forsake not, my country, my mission, my comrades, my sacred duty. I am relentless. I am always there, now and forever. I AM THE INFANTRY! FOLLOW ME!
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#3
RE: The Gospel of a Village - a True Story (tm)
(November 11, 2011 at 5:55 pm)Rhythm Wrote: This'll never make it bigtime. I've discussed this with the boys in marketing, and we have some ideas. Where do you stand on the following?

-Sex it up a bit.
-Add some gratuitous violence.
-Would you be open to the idea of performing miracles?

We've done some legwork and the target demographic responded very well to these suggestions.
(good work by the way)

Thank you for the compliment, though I just dashed that off in a few minutes. Kind of like much of the OT and NT.

Sex is good. Very good. Outstanding in fact. Perhaps that is why there is so much of it in the Bible.
Not big on unnecessary violence, though our town meetings sometimes get so heated the county sheriff has to attend to ensure they don't come to blows.
Miracles, eh? The church folk were praising God for the miracle of saving the post office. What miracle? Just took some work they were unwilling or unable to do. Maybe that's all Jesus really did.

"Be ye not lost amongst Precept of Order." - Book of Uterus, 1:5, "Principia Discordia, or How I Found Goddess and What I Did to Her When I Found Her."
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#4
RE: The Gospel of a Village - a True Story (tm)
Well, we're not suggesting anything huge. Look, you do one miraculous thing and let it snowball from there. Maybe something with fish, or any animal, people love animals.
I am the Infantry. I am my country’s strength in war, her deterrent in peace. I am the heart of the fight… wherever, whenever. I carry America’s faith and honor against her enemies. I am the Queen of Battle. I am what my country expects me to be, the best trained Soldier in the world. In the race for victory, I am swift, determined, and courageous, armed with a fierce will to win. Never will I fail my country’s trust. Always I fight on…through the foe, to the objective, to triumph overall. If necessary, I will fight to my death. By my steadfast courage, I have won more than 200 years of freedom. I yield not to weakness, to hunger, to cowardice, to fatigue, to superior odds, For I am mentally tough, physically strong, and morally straight. I forsake not, my country, my mission, my comrades, my sacred duty. I am relentless. I am always there, now and forever. I AM THE INFANTRY! FOLLOW ME!
Reply
#5
RE: The Gospel of a Village - a True Story (tm)
(November 11, 2011 at 6:01 pm)Rhythm Wrote: Well, we're not suggesting anything huge. Look, you do one miraculous thing and let it snowball from there. Maybe something with fish, or any animal, people love animals.

Yes I agree, make sure a cute puppy gets saved in the end. Oh and have an explosion or two.
I have studied the Bible and the theology behind Christianity for many years. I have been to many churches. I have walked the depth and the breadth of the religion and, as a result of this, I have a lot of bullshit to scrape off the bottom of my shoes. ~Ziploc Surprise

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