Yeah, I don't know about all of this.

Emotion makes everything better, that's for sure, but I'm not one to hold off sex or masturbation just because I'm not in love with anyone currently. I care about a lot of people. I care about some more than others. There's a cross-section selection of people I care more and less about with whom I have safe, but casual, sex. Maybe it doesn't reach the heights of passion as it might with someone I'm in love with, but that doesn't mean it's not intimate, passionate, and fulfilling. In fact, there are some people I've gone to for scenes where it's been so much more intimate with a Dom than it was with a vanilla guy I was in love with. Not because there was something wrong with the emotion, but because of the nature of BDSM.

For me, porn viewing and the subsequent arousal or masturbation is something like that. Sure, maybe it'd be "better" by some (but not all, as I'll get into in a second) measure if I were having sex with someone else. On the other hand, it could be much worse. And I don't mean any random person - you can genuinely like or love a person and they could be terrible in bed. I don't have a problem with being alone for most of my time, and I guess I therefore have no issue whatsoever about being intimate with my own damn self through porn or erotica. In fact, I rather like taking care of myself. I like myself, after all. Who else is going to take care of me if I don't?

The problem many religious people seem to have with porn is that they treat it like a "distraction" from whatever it is they deem is more important. Family. Husband/wife. Work. Whatever. It's like there's this attitude that there's something wrong with you if you spend some time to yourself, with yourself and your private thoughts, which don't hurt ANYONE I might add. Unless, of course, you believe in a voyeuristic god who punishes thought-crimes. Spending a little time on yourself isn't selfish. It's healthy. If you boost your endorphins and mood with some masturbation or fulfill a fantasy with fantasy material, who the fuck cares? Only busy-bodies who are somehow threatened in self-esteem or religiously by the act, and even then only emotionally.

If porn doesn't interest you, then fine. Just as long as no one is crusading for other people not to watch it because they think that monogamous, real-life sex is "better." It's the sex THEY prefer, only. Not necessarily 'better'. If the porn is made by consenting adults, then all's well that ends with an orgasm.

It's just your unfortunate lot that Christians are far more prevalent and far more loud about their individual distastes than other religions. I promise you that conservative and orthodox jews can be just as shitty about it. They're merely less shitty (on the conservative end) about sex in general between a husband and wife. There are rabbinical laws about how often a wife is supposed to be "serviced" by her husband based on the job he has.

I guess basically what I'm saying also is that sexual activity isn't a zero-sum game. Loving intimacy with a partner of any sort - be it monogamous and/or committed or casual doesn't mean you have to negate how much you also like pleasing yourself through a fantasy life as well. You can love both equally.

I really appreciate the time, thought and effort you put into that very honest - and correct - post Summer. It's good to see you posting.

I bet most porn actors are some level of theistic.

(October 6, 2015 at 3:48 pm)Exian Wrote: I bet most porn actors are some level of theistic.

The ones I met weren't. But there seems to be a high incidence of conservative religious upbringing in their background.

Purely anecdotal, apply salt as needed.

(October 6, 2015 at 3:31 pm)thesummerqueen Wrote: I guess basically what I'm saying also is that sexual activity isn't a zero-sum game. Loving intimacy with a partner of any sort - be it monogamous and/or committed or casual doesn't mean you have to negate how much you also like pleasing yourself through a fantasy life as well. You can love both equally.

Well-said, TSQ. 

That's why I said I was "libertine" with respect to how other people have sex. I absolutely do recognize that my own taste in pleasure is exactly that: my own. 

I hope I didn't somehow imply that masturbation was frowned upon, either, simply because the type of intimacy I prefer is what you BDSM types call "vanilla" (I happen to like vanilla, both as a flavor and as a sex thing... but, just like with sex, there's a world of difference between boring, artifical-ingredient-filled, "vanilla ice cream" and a fresh bowl of homemade ice cream with real vanilla bean!), and I have found that I will actually lose my arousal level if I do harm or cause pain deliberately to anyone, regardless of consent, but that a few well-placed words or ideas in my head will take me from zero to blastoff, with my intimate partner. It took me a great many years of experiments before I discovered this simple fact about myself. 

Simply put, my fantasies are in my head and in the head of my partner, communicated by word and touch, and I don't need (or desire) much in the way of stimulation outside of this paradigm. That others are stimulated by other factors is, to me, great! Who wants to live in a world where there is only one right way to do things, especially something so incredible as sex?

Oh, right... I forgot about fundamentalists. Who, indeed.

I love sex involving vanilla ice cream.

(October 6, 2015 at 4:56 pm)Parkers Tan Wrote:

(October 6, 2015 at 3:48 pm)Exian Wrote: I bet most porn actors are some level of theistic.

The ones I met weren't. But there seems to be a high incidence of conservative religious upbringing in their background.

Purely anecdotal, apply salt as needed.

For what it's worth (again purely anecdotal), the prostitutes I worked with at the Bunny Ranch were a mixed bag. Many expressed no religious beliefs -- at least to me -- and theism, if it played a role in their lives, was a private affair, while a substantial percentage of them were either some sort of Christian, usually non-denominational, or were into some sort of New Age woo. You might be surprised at how many hookers would jockey to get Sunday morning off to attend church.

(October 6, 2015 at 5:01 pm)Parkers Tan Wrote: I love sex involving vanilla ice cream.

Ben and Jerry's vanilla and cookie dough!!! OMFG

(October 5, 2015 at 9:26 pm)ignoramus Wrote: Wonder how Islam feels about this? I wonder if dudes talk about breaking in their 11 yo wifes over a coffee. Fucking hypocritical animals!

Would probably be cinematically complicated since Muslim women aren't allowed to show anything but their eyes. Maybe the men could get on there having air sex.

Oh shit, I swear right now Chuck Berry is singing My Ding a Ling. "Those of you who will not sing/You must be playing with your own ding a ling." I'm not making this up. He was really singing that just now when I was typing.