I'm confusing. I'm complicated. I change. I switch. I flip. I'm an adventurer. That's just who I am. No matter how much I change -- or un-change and return -- I'm still me.

Authenticity is beautiful, change need not be something to be afraid of and it may be true that "progress is progress" but the less 'improvement' the more adventure.

Life can be a rollarcoaster, a bunny trail, a pit of despair and a garden of poetic complexity. Life is just life and I feel comfortable in my own skin.

Sometimes it's best not to force things but even trying not to force things is forcing things. It's self-defeating.

Fuck so-called 'improvement' in the ass with a gargantuan cactus. Who's to say what's better? Life is poetry, so keep reading.

(September 4, 2016 at 6:17 am)Alasdair Ham Wrote: I'm confusing. I'm complicated. I change. I switch. I flip. I'm an adventurer. That's just who I am. No matter how much I change -- or un-change and return -- I'm still me.

Authenticity is beautiful, change need not be something to be afraid of and it may be true that "progress is progress" but the less 'improvement' the more adventure.

Life can be a rollarcoaster, a bunny trail, a pit of despair and a garden of poetic complexity. Life is just life and I feel comfortable in my own skin.

(September 4, 2016 at 6:20 am)Alasdair Ham Wrote: Sometimes it's best not to force things but even trying not to force things is forcing things. It's self-defeating.

Fuck so-called 'improvement' in the ass with a gargantuan cactus. Who's to say what's better? Life is poetry, so keep reading.

So there's the evidence for what I'm feeling. What am I actually feeling?

In a word: Inspiration.

Okay this is getting fucking weird.

My favorite song for almost 11 years (from age 17 to nearly 28) was Halcyon + On + On by Orbital.

A few days back one of my favorite rock songs, Discard Your Fear, by Riverside, I decided I liked even more. It became my new favorite song. Just like that.

Guess what? I far prefer, as by far my favorite song ever now... like.... by far... it's really really weird. I dunno if I'm changing or just becoming myself.... anyways, here's my by far favorite song ever now (I loved it years ago so much but I was so protective of my other favorties (I treat songs like girlfriends) that I couldn't admit it to myself) is this:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aTCwnUSiTrw

Best song ever. So fucking beautiful. Too beautiful to cry too much, enough to cry a little and smile warmly. I adore it so much.

Happy to have tomorrow off ... bleh right now.

My college pick'em bracket looks bad right now... Texas... Houston... Wisconsin.... South Carolina... fucked me.

Boo.

Feeling like my birthday is going really well now. Because loveliness. Because openness. Because honesty. Because trust. Because mutual understanding... or potential mutual understanding becoming fulfilled.

Also feeling like we REALLY need that support section of the forum.

Feeling like even mutual understanding in terms of sharing horribleness can be sympathetic, poetic and beautiful because oneself feels less alone. Feeling like solidarity matters so much more than I ever believed before and feeling like solidarity between mutually close people is especially bonding.

I like the question "Do you feel the same way?" no matter what the answer is because truth is clarity which makes me feel grounded.

Provided that it doesn't hurt the person I am asking. Or if it does provided that it hurts them only like an injection hurts before it helps...

And again that's still only provided that the person wants me to ask

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

I never would have thought that learning about myself would or could ever be the best birthday present ever.

I feel whole.