(November 1, 2017 at 10:44 pm)Hammy Wrote:

(November 1, 2017 at 10:38 pm)Aegon Wrote: "Does anyone else [insert incredibly common thing]?"

Ha, what I hate is phrases that start with "I'm not a racist but [insert racism]". Or "I'm not homophobic but [insert homophobia]".

I mean, they're obviously bothersome because of the bigoted statements at the end. But the "I'm not an X but" prefix makes them extra annoying. There's literally no reason to say shit like that if you're not trying too hard to not seem the way you clearly are. Like, I've never once known a person prefix a statement with "I'm not an X but" without being an X. I can't imagine why the fuck anyone would say they were "not an X but" without being an X even if they did. Like does that even happen?

Let me try to do it. I'm not an alien from outer space but . . . I really like . . . I really can't. I mean Star wars is great.

See I'm lost for words, it doesn't fucking work.

I'm not a fucking bastard but I really like being really horrible on purpose. See that's a joke, I can't seriously state that.

Let me try again.

I'm not an awful person but I can't afford to give to charity.

See, that doesn't work either, I have to add the "can't afford" in because I can't honestly pretend to not care because I do.

How the fuck is anyone supposed to say "I'm not an X but" and make their statement seriously not represent them genuinely being an X? It's really fucking hard.

Hey! Let's play the I'm-Not-An-X-But-[insert-something-that-sounds-genuinely-nothing-like-an-X-and-still-makes-sense-and-seems-honest] game! I don't expect many winners.

If someone says they're not horrible they just can't afford to give to charity. I don't get why that doesn't work.

And I can think of loads of times when a statement like that could be used to clear up an anticipated misconception.

"I'm not a difficult boss to work for but I have to fire him for what he did as it comes under gross misconduct."

It could be used in this sense for an objection by the employee which has been anticipated by the employer.

" I'm not ultra picky when it comes to girls but I want them to at least have good teeth."

" I'm not a wild person but when you knew me I was going through phase of taking drugs, my personality was different. I'm actually quite sensible now."

The phrase "I'm not being funny but" annoys me, not because I don't think anyone could follow that with something reasonable. It's just because most people I know who use that phrase do follow it with something unreasonable. Most the time anyway.

(November 1, 2017 at 9:55 pm)Hammy Wrote:

(November 1, 2017 at 9:47 pm)Tres Leches Wrote: For me, it would be anything that involves woo - like "everything happens for a reason" or "karma is gonna get you".

Oh I have one of them. The one that triggers me (slightly) is when something turns out well for me and the response is something like "You see? Sometimes all you have to do is ask the universe!". It's not only retarded to think that the universe tried to help me out, but it's also retarded to assume that anything I did was me asking the universe. It's like no matter how much I can distance myself from the wooy bullshit some Neopagan moron can convince themselves that I asked the universe for a favor. Even saying that God helped me out seems more honest than pretending I asked for the universe. At least a theist can pretend that God helped me out out of kindness despite my disbelief in him, but to pretend that I fucking asked the universe for ANYTHING is so fucked up. It would be the equivalent of a theist telling me that many things I had said were in fact prayers to God despite my atheism. It's the equivalent to the phew theists who actually believe that atheism is impossible and EVERYONE believes in God, and atheists are in denial about their belief (there are theists who actually believe in this.What the fuck do they think new born babies think there's some SkyDaddy up there? But I digress).

Fuck "ask the universe" fuck it in the ass with a very appropriate ass-fucking device. Shit there's gotta be a word for those things. It's on the tip of my tongue. Begins with D.

Not a fan of Noel Edmonds then, I take it.

I'm normally (in RL, at least) a pretty polite, well mannered individual.  Phrases that 'trigger' me into telling people how stupid they sound include:

'My horoscope says...'  (Does it say, 'If you take horoscopes seriously, you're an idiot'?)

'I know what you're going through.'  (No, you really fucking don't.)

'It is what it is.'  (Get back to me when you've learned the definition of 'semantic content'.)

'You know what you need to do?'  (Yes.  I just checked my List Of Things To Do Today and 'Listen to a waterhead like you' wasn't on it.)

'Well, that's MY opinion!' (And a mind-shatteringly uninformed one at that.  Well done.)

'My therapist could help you with that.'  (If you're an example of your therapist's work, I'd sooner shit in my hands and clap that go to him.)


Boru

I am informed that if I hear the phrase "Queen of Hearts", I go on a murderous rampage. I have no recollection of ever having done so.

When I say something and the other person says, 'No, you don't get to say that', and I say, 'But I just fucking did!'
When someone says, 'none of your business' and I say, 'but I just made it my fucking business!'
When you look in someone's direction and they say, 'what are you looking at!' and I say, 'whatever the fuck I want to look at!'

"Evolution is only a theory" how often must I explain why its not "only" a theory?

Not so much a trigger but more of an eye roll or face palm.

Quote:God is undetectable by science because he lives outside of space and time

Quote:I have my belief in God, you have your beliefs in science, we're even.

Quote:What evidence do you have that God doesn't exist? None!

"You are taking that out of context" or " Those were different times"

I've had certain people asking if I feel like going to visit them, although they never visit me, and when I say I don't know they have said "well, just try". Yeah, I know they're meaning well and all that, but the implication that I'm not trying pisses me off to the atomic level. Same with suggestions that I'm choosing to feel the way I do. And they're the ones that act all butthurt when I ask them not to tell me what I feel.

My hairiest trigger, though, is reserved for anyone who tries to use my Sam against me, whether as a weapon or a preaching opportunity. Yes, I have actually had people do that. I'm surprised none of you heard the explosion.

(November 4, 2017 at 3:26 am)Little lunch Wrote: When I say something and the other person says, 'No, you don't get to say that', and I say, 'But I just fucking did!'
When someone says, 'none of your business' and I say, 'but I just made it my fucking business!'
When you look in someone's direction and they say, 'what are you looking at!' and I say, 'that's what I'm trying to figure out!'

FTFY