Well you know - god forbid we not agree with Grace's assessment of her entire night. We must be the bad guys because we don't immediately side with her story. She's got problems and I take issue with someone who went to a reporter first. Priorities man. If a person felt they were assaulted then rather than going to a reporter first, they should have gone to the police. Let the law deal with your abuser, not public opinion because it makes you look like you had motives of your own, even if that wasn't your intention.

I'm not sure I feel precisely the same way, but I certainly find it impossible to gauge whether someone did something based on a story like this.

Edit: Shit, I'm not getting back into it. I'm only here for the bumps, baby.

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(January 21, 2018 at 2:39 pm)Mermaid Wrote:

(January 21, 2018 at 2:30 pm)Joods Wrote: As an actual victim of an SA, I can wholeheartedly say to those who still think I was victim blaming: you can go Fuck right off. You know nothing and you have a lot of fucking nerve.

I am a rape survivor myself.

I'm sorry to hear that. You're not calling us victim blamers, I don't think. I respect your position. I think we mostly agree.

(January 21, 2018 at 2:44 pm)Joods Wrote: Well you know - god forbid we not agree with Grace's assessment of her entire night.  We must be the bad guys because we don't immediately side with her story.  She's got problems and I take issue with someone who went to a reporter first.  Priorities man.  If a person felt they were assaulted then rather than going to a reporter first,  they should have gone to the police. Let the law deal with your abuser,  not public opinion because it makes you look like you had motives of your own, even if that wasn't your intention.

I think casting doubt on her story going on what was published is the problem, not who we are siding with.

@Shell: I'm inclined to agree with you, but my gut tells me that common sense should have prevailed in this situation. If she really discussed things with her friends like she claims, then one of them should have encouraged her to seek out law enforcement and file a report prior to contacting a reporter. If she felt too scared to go to the cops, then she shouldn't have gotten a news story made about her situation. But what sticks in my crawl is the fact that she went to a reporter before anything else. Most true victims aren't going to want their name out there. Why do people think that rape and SA victims names are generally not made public? Because there is shame and humiliation and maybe even fear attached to the trauma of being assaulted. No one wants people to know. I know I sure didn't when it happened to me.

I haven’t cast doubt on her story, just in her assessment.

(January 21, 2018 at 2:57 pm)Joods Wrote: @Shell: I'm inclined to agree with you,  but my gut tells me that common sense should have prevailed in this situation.  If she really discussed things with her friends like she claims,  then one of them should have encouraged her to seek out law enforcement and file a report prior to contacting a reporter.  If she felt too scared to go to the cops, then she shouldn't have gotten a news story made about her situation. But what sticks in my crawl is the fact that she went to a reporter before anything else.  Most true victims aren't going to want their name out there.  Why do people think that rape and SA victims names are generally not made public? Because there is shame and humiliation and maybe even fear attached to the trauma of being assaulted. No one wants people to know.  I know I sure didn't when it happened to me.

Fair.

(January 21, 2018 at 2:53 pm)Mermaid Wrote: I think casting doubt on her story going on what was published is the problem, not who we are siding with.

This woman has allowed the public to play judge, jury and convict this guy. Has she even gone to the cops to file a report yet? No one knows because there's no record of her doing so. Filings are public. Surely the reporter who first did the story would want to be on top of that, right?

(January 21, 2018 at 1:24 pm)LadyForCamus Wrote:

(January 21, 2018 at 11:10 am)Shell B Wrote: Oh, shut up, Thena. /thread

In order for any of the above to be relevant to this specific case, you’d need to establish that there was a victim, lol.

I don't need to establish that there was a victim in this particular case to know that victim-blaming has a very real and devastating impact on those who've been sexually assaulted, and that it keeps people from coming forward; Perhaps even someone who lurks, or posts here.

Nor is establishing the details of the story necessary to know that you and your buds have been heavily engaging in victim-blaming rhetoric since this threads inception.

It's not as though you good folks maintained a neutral position of stating saying "I don't know" and simply walking away. Just look at thread title and OP, for Pete's sake.
Several of the ladies of this forum, who come down harshly on victim blaming attitudes and rhetoric in the past, suddenly have no qualms with slinging shit at the accuser as a matter of going with the tide; Acknowledging that you all thought his behavior was that "pushy", "aggressive", "creepy" and "out of line", but assigning the preponderance of responsibility in prevention to the accuser. Why she didn't did do this? Why she didn't do that? What does she really want? What did she do wrong that MADE him behave in this way?

And all throughout, you lamented the possible loss of his "promising career", without even entertaining the notion that HE could be the one responsible for making that happen.

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(January 21, 2018 at 2:30 pm)Joods Wrote: As an actual victim of an SA, I can wholeheartedly say to those who still think I was victim blaming: you can go Fuck right off. You know nothing and you have a lot of fucking nerve.

You are one among many, Joods. 

Though I would've imagined that your status as a "more realer" victim would've informed your choice of wording by way of empathy, rather than your need for likes and kudos.

Screw you. It isn't about likes or kudos. Your bullshit is getting tiresome.

Know what Thena? I used to respect you. Now I just feel sorry for you that you have to lower yourself to this level. You cannot stand that people are allowed to question things and have differing opinions on this. So instead of reminding yourself of that, you take the route of "I'm better than you because I immediately believe this woman and anyone who questions her story is a victim blamer"

The purpose of forums is to discuss things. If you can't see that this is a discussion, then you are beyond help and I don't need to waste any more of my time with you.

Now if you could grow the fuck up and stop the name calling, that'd be great.

(January 21, 2018 at 5:08 pm)Thena323 Wrote:

(January 21, 2018 at 1:24 pm)LadyForCamus Wrote: In order for any of the above to be relevant to this specific case, you’d need to establish that there was a victim, lol.

I don't need to establish that there was a victim in this particular case to know that victim-blaming has a very real and devastating impact on those who've been sexually assaulted, and that it keeps people from coming forward; Perhaps even someone who lurks, or posts here.

Nor is establishing the details of the story necessary to know that you and your buds have been heavily engaging in victim-blaming rhetoric since this threads inception.

It's not as though you good folks maintained a neutral position of stating saying "I don't know" and simply walking away. Just look at thread title and OP, for Pete's sake.
Several of the ladies of this forum, who come down harshly on victim blaming attitudes and rhetoric in the past, suddenly have no qualms with slinging shit at the accuser as a matter of going with the tide; Acknowledging that you all thought his behavior was that "pushy", "aggressive", "creepy" and "out of line", but assigning the preponderance of responsibility in prevention to the accuser. Why she didn't did do this? Why she didn't do that? What does she really want? What did she do wrong that MADE him behave in this way?

And all throughout, you lamented the possible loss of his "promising career", without even entertaining the notion that HE could be the one responsible for making that happen.

I...never used the words ‘aggressive’, or ‘out of line.’  I read Tiz’s excerpts three times, then I went back and read the original babe article twice.  Then I read it out loud to my husband because I was interested in what he thought of the whole thing.  So, save your accusations of bias.  Victim blaming is real.  And devastating.  It is my personal opinion, after pouring over her account multiple times, and following along 80 pages of debate in this thread, that this woman was not a victim of anything.  *shrugs*  I don’t know that there is anything I can say to quell your tirade at this point.