Do you tend to notice that you overanalyse things a lot?

Not that there's such a thing. I mean overanalyse according to other people

I may be diagnosed myself sometime next month.

Any tips for a mom raising a child on the spectrum? He’s six and high functioning, selective mutism, and hates socializing. He receives therapy for learning to identify facial and body expression and for other social skills. He’s a very sweet kid at home and loves his cats.

I know I do, sometimes, whether creating elaborate hypotheses for other people’s actions that may be a lot simpler, to the occasional points in my reviews for Anglotopia, whether it’s the time I argued Zardoz was a warped retelling of The Tempest or the time I reviewed “Nosedive” and spent an entire paragraph unpacking the symbolism in a character’s name that I wound up figuring is most likely unintentional, since I doubt Charlie Brooker speaks Hebrew and I only knew the word in question from a Leonard Cohen song that was released only a month before the episode was released.

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(February 7, 2018 at 3:24 pm)J a c k Wrote: Any tips for a mom raising a child on the spectrum? He’s six and high functioning, selective mutism, and hates socializing. He receives therapy for learning to identify facial and body expression and for other social skills. He’s a very sweet kid at home and loves his cats.

I’d say if he has any trouble in school, get on that. If he gets bullied, don’t fuck around and make sure the school doesn’t. If the situation becomes toxic, find somewhere else that won’t be. I’d be a lot less fucked up if my mother didn’t insist on my going to the same grade school she went to because she thought everything else would be worse.

(February 7, 2018 at 3:28 pm)Rev. Rye Wrote: I know I do, sometimes, whether creating elaborate hypotheses for other people’s actions that may be a lot simpler, to the occasional points in my reviews for Anglotopia, whether it’s the time I argued Zardoz was a warped retelling of The Tempest or the time I reviewed “Nosedive” and spent an entire paragraph unpacking the symbolism in a character’s name that I wound up figuring is most likely unintentional, since I doubt Charlie Brooker speaks Hebrew and I only knew the word in question from a Leonard Cohen song that was released only a month before the episode was released.

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(February 7, 2018 at 3:24 pm)J a c k Wrote: Any tips for a mom raising a child on the spectrum? He’s six and high functioning, selective mutism, and hates socializing. He receives therapy for learning to identify facial and body expression and for other social skills. He’s a very sweet kid at home and loves his cats.

I’d say if he has any trouble in school, get on that. If he gets bullied, don’t fuck around and make sure the school doesn’t. If the situation becomes toxic, find somewhere else that won’t be. I’d be a lot less fucked up if my mother didn’t insist on my going to the same grade school she went to because she thought everything else would be worse.

Thank you for the response.
So far no bullying. He’s in kindergarten and his brother is in the same school in sixth grade. His brother is pretty well known in school and everybody likes him. They know my little one as his brother and actually treat him well. When I’m in school I see kids stop to say hello to him even though they know he won’t respond. Nobody in school has heard him talk. Ever. I’m worried about next year, since my oldest will be moving on to middle school.

(February 7, 2018 at 12:29 pm)mh.brewer Wrote: It was the 80's after all, had to ask.

You spoke about learning appropriate eye contact. Are there other behaviors you had to learn (unlearn) or things that you do daily to help you get along?

Yes, social smile ... that's an important one. It's not that I never naturally smile when experiencing something that makes me happy. It's that I don't naturally have the right neutral facial expression when socializing with others. Rather than naturally having the normal facial expression that has a tinge of smiling to it, I naturally look depressed (even when I'm not), and have to make a conscious effort to adjust my facial expression when socializing. And it doesn't always work, as it can get pretty tiresome at time.

Also, I have learned to avoid nitpicking what other people say (IRL, at least) because it really gets on their nerves when I do, and I try my best to focus on the bigger picture of what they're really talking about, instead of taking things literally all the time and focusing on the minutest details.

I have learned to listen and respond accordingly instead of just talking over people and dumping boring information on them without their "consent".

I don't have any systematic way of dealing with things in order to function daily. I just suck it up and get mentally ready for the day each and every morning (when I have to go to work or whatever).

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(February 7, 2018 at 3:11 pm)Hammy Wrote: Do you tend to notice that you overanalyse things a lot?

Not that there's such a thing. I mean overanalyse according to other people

I may be diagnosed myself sometime next month.

Yes, I've been accused of doing that by people who know me IRL. Nobody wants to hear a guy incessantly analyze the most trivial matters in life, so they've either bluntly told me to shut up (usually family, lol) or they'll change the subject and move on to something else, which irks me even more (because the urge to analyze is still there and it's itching so badly). My partner, on the other hand, she just asks for a hug ... that quiets me down for some reason.

If you get the diagnosis, how will that make you feel? And if it turns out you don't?

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(February 7, 2018 at 3:24 pm)J a c k Wrote: Any tips for a mom raising a child on the spectrum? He’s six and high functioning, selective mutism, and hates socializing. He receives therapy for learning to identify facial and body expression and for other social skills. He’s a very sweet kid at home and loves his cats.

Yes, about his selective mutism, give it time. If he's anything like me, he will decide on his own that he will start talking. In my case, I was selectively mute throughout my whole kindergarten years, but once I reached primary school, I just started talking to both students and teachers. I was probably waiting for a change in school environment before I could start implementing this social change. Regardless, just continue to be patient and whatever you do, don't force him to speak or let anyone shame him for being quiet (as that would likely backfire and make him not want to talk even more).

Also, when in doubt, just know ... he does enjoy your company, even if he may not show it and even if he does need a lot of space to be on his own. I know I loved having my mum come to my room and check up on how I was doing when I was a child. I wasn't really cold and distant as a child, just appeared to be so.

It's good he's receiving therapy for all that. Early intervention is always good. Wish I had that back in my days. But my parents were both blind apparently, and doctors back then didn't seem to have a clue.

As for bullying, don't catastrophize (expect worst case scenarios), but do be ready for cases if he does get bullied. Keep an eye out for typical signs of bullying, obviously. That way, if something bad is happening, you have noticed it, and will act accordingly. That said, I think the youngest generations of Aspies do have it better than people Rev and I did, because people have become really aware that this is a thing, and so are more likely to empathize and more likely to encourage their children to empathize. So hope for the best. And either way, you're there to back him up when needed.

(February 7, 2018 at 7:19 pm)Grandizer Wrote:

(February 7, 2018 at 3:24 pm)J a c k Wrote: Any tips for a mom raising a child on the spectrum? He’s six and high functioning, selective mutism, and hates socializing. He receives therapy for learning to identify facial and body expression and for other social skills. He’s a very sweet kid at home and loves his cats.

Yes, about his selective mutism, give it time. If he's anything like me, he will decide on his own that he will start talking. In my case, I was selectively mute throughout my whole kindergarten years, but once I reached primary school, I just started talking to both students and teachers. I was probably waiting for a change in school environment before I could start implementing this social change. Regardless, just continue to be patient and whatever you do, don't force him to speak or let anyone shame him for being quiet (as that would likely backfire and make him not want to talk even more).

Also, when in doubt, just know ... he does enjoy your company, even if he may not show it and even if he does need a lot of space to be on his own. I know I loved having my mum come to my room and check up on how I was doing when I was a child. I wasn't really cold and distant as a child, just appeared to be so.

It's good he's receiving therapy for all that. Early intervention is always good. Wish I had that back in my days. But my parents were both blind apparently, and doctors back then didn't seem to have a clue.

As for bullying, don't catastrophize (expect worst case scenarios), but do be ready for cases if he does get bullied. Keep an eye out for typical signs of bullying, obviously. That way, if something bad is happening, you have noticed it, and will act accordingly. That said, I think the youngest generations of Aspies do have it better than people Rev and I did, because people have become really aware that this is a thing, and so are more likely to empathize and more likely to encourage their children to empathize. So hope for the best. And either way, you're there to back him up when needed.

Thank you so so so so much for this. He loves his space and I let him have it, but I do tell him how much I love him every time I check on him. Right now we live in a small studio, so when he needs to be alone, he closes the kitchen door and he sits on the floor under the table. I check up on him and remind him that I love him. It’s good to know I can keep doing that.
He didn’t used to be sweet, but after so much therapy, he has become very sweet with me. Just with me. He doesn’t seem to like a lot of people. He doesn’t socialize. He doesn’t play with other kids. Well, there’s one girl in school that he does feel comfortable with. He talks to her on the bus. She’s autistic and hard of hearing and they talk and also communicate with sign language. My son talks about her at home a lot. I wish his teachers could hear him talk. I’ll be patient Thank you for your feedback. This was so helpful. I always hear advice from teachers and therapists, but it’s good to hear it from someone who actually knows what it’s like by personal experience.

(February 7, 2018 at 11:48 pm)J a c k Wrote:

(February 7, 2018 at 7:19 pm)Grandizer Wrote: Yes, about his selective mutism, give it time. If he's anything like me, he will decide on his own that he will start talking. In my case, I was selectively mute throughout my whole kindergarten years, but once I reached primary school, I just started talking to both students and teachers. I was probably waiting for a change in school environment before I could start implementing this social change. Regardless, just continue to be patient and whatever you do, don't force him to speak or let anyone shame him for being quiet (as that would likely backfire and make him not want to talk even more).

Also, when in doubt, just know ... he does enjoy your company, even if he may not show it and even if he does need a lot of space to be on his own. I know I loved having my mum come to my room and check up on how I was doing when I was a child. I wasn't really cold and distant as a child, just appeared to be so.

It's good he's receiving therapy for all that. Early intervention is always good. Wish I had that back in my days. But my parents were both blind apparently, and doctors back then didn't seem to have a clue.

As for bullying, don't catastrophize (expect worst case scenarios), but do be ready for cases if he does get bullied. Keep an eye out for typical signs of bullying, obviously. That way, if something bad is happening, you have noticed it, and will act accordingly. That said, I think the youngest generations of Aspies do have it better than people Rev and I did, because people have become really aware that this is a thing, and so are more likely to empathize and more likely to encourage their children to empathize. So hope for the best. And either way, you're there to back him up when needed.

Thank you so so so so much for this. He loves his space and I let him have it, but I do tell him how much I love him every time I check on him. Right now we live in a small studio, so when he needs to be alone, he closes the kitchen door and he sits on the floor under the table. I check up on him and remind him that I love him. It’s good to know I can keep doing that.
He didn’t used to be sweet, but after so much therapy, he has become very sweet with me. Just with me. He doesn’t seem to like a lot of people. He doesn’t socialize. He doesn’t play with other kids. Well, there’s one girl in school that he does feel comfortable with. He talks to her on the bus. She’s autistic and hard of hearing and they talk and also communicate with sign language. My son talks about her at home a lot. I wish his teachers could hear him talk. I’ll be patient Thank you for your feedback. This was so helpful. I always hear advice from teachers and therapists, but it’s good to hear it from someone who actually knows what it’s like by personal experience.

You're welcome. One other thing, please don't do a recording of him talking at home and then sending it to the teachers to listen to along with the whole class. My parents did just that, and it was embarrassing as hell for me. I didn't go mute for attention. I did it as a way to cope with the outside social world with which I had not yet been too familiar with. Teachers kept saying "So you DO talk! Why don't you ever talk here at school? Come on, talk to us? please?"

(February 8, 2018 at 12:28 am)Grandizer Wrote:

(February 7, 2018 at 11:48 pm)J a c k Wrote: Thank you so so so so much for this. He loves his space and I let him have it, but I do tell him how much I love him every time I check on him. Right now we live in a small studio, so when he needs to be alone, he closes the kitchen door and he sits on the floor under the table. I check up on him and remind him that I love him. It’s good to know I can keep doing that.
He didn’t used to be sweet, but after so much therapy, he has become very sweet with me. Just with me. He doesn’t seem to like a lot of people. He doesn’t socialize. He doesn’t play with other kids. Well, there’s one girl in school that he does feel comfortable with. He talks to her on the bus. She’s autistic and hard of hearing and they talk and also communicate with sign language. My son talks about her at home a lot. I wish his teachers could hear him talk. I’ll be patient Thank you for your feedback. This was so helpful. I always hear advice from teachers and therapists, but it’s good to hear it from someone who actually knows what it’s like by personal experience.

You're welcome. One other thing, please don't do a recording of him talking at home and then sending it to the teachers to listen to along with the whole class. My parents did just that, and it was embarrassing as hell for me. I didn't go mute for attention. I did it as a way to cope with the outside social world with which I had not yet been too familiar with. Teachers kept saying "So you DO talk! Why don't you ever talk here at school? Come on, talk to us? please?"

Oh my laaaaawrd!!!!! The teacher had just suggested this! I’m so glad you told me in time. Poor baby! One teacher heard him at the grocery store talking (very small town) and she went and told all the other teachers. They always bug him with that, “Cris, you do talk! Stop playing. Let’s see it. Talk to us.” And he just stares at the floor. They wanted videos of him saying the numbers and letter sounds. I definitely won’t do it. Thank you!

(February 8, 2018 at 12:42 am)J a c k Wrote:

(February 8, 2018 at 12:28 am)Grandizer Wrote: You're welcome. One other thing, please don't do a recording of him talking at home and then sending it to the teachers to listen to along with the whole class. My parents did just that, and it was embarrassing as hell for me. I didn't go mute for attention. I did it as a way to cope with the outside social world with which I had not yet been too familiar with. Teachers kept saying "So you DO talk! Why don't you ever talk here at school? Come on, talk to us? please?"

Oh my laaaaawrd!!!!! The teacher had just suggested this! I’m so glad you told me in time. Poor baby! One teacher heard him at the grocery store talking (very small town) and she went and told all the other teachers. They always bug him with that, “Cris, you do talk! Stop playing. Let’s see it. Talk to us.” And he just stares at the floor. They wanted videos of him saying the numbers and letter sounds. I definitely won’t do it. Thank you!

Yes, definitely don't. Or at least ask him first if he's ok with that.

I don't really understand what this autism thing is tbf because I was kind of an introvert, shy, kind of guy that got bullied but after some time I did some self reflection and figured out where I was lacking and rectified it. My doubt is, since you know all your problems so clearly, can't you do the same thing? Or is it like mentally impossible for you or do you lack motivation?