Why should I give a shit about allah? It's just another manifestation of the god belief virus.

If Allah has nipples and umbilicus then not only is he the prime mover but the prime mammal. And, he would have had a mother.

I'm reminded, I must get my stuffed crocodile, "Allahgator", out of storage.

Can allah make a fire hydrant big enough that he can't insert it into his rectum while doing god-like deep knee bends? Inquiring minds want to know!

(June 5, 2018 at 9:10 pm)Fireball Wrote: Can allah make a fire hydrant big enough that he can't insert it into his rectum while doing god-like deep knee bends? Inquiring minds want to know!

Sorry that privilege is for you infidels only..

(And then insert him in a chain) insert the chain in his anus and extract it from his mouth, and what remains of it turn it round his neck (whereof the length) and width (is seventy cubits) cubits of the angel; it is also said this means: 70 fathoms.

Quran 69:32 تفسير Tanwîr al-Miqbâs min Tafsîr Ibn ‘Abbâs

Butt , before that make sure your anus is clean & slippery, (fatwa on shaving hair from around the anus)

Some scholars are of the opinion that shaving hair from around anus comes under the ruling of shaving one’s pubes.  It is called Sunan al-Fitrah mentioned in the Hadith narrated by Ayisha (Radiya Allahu Anhua) that the Prophet (Sallallahu Alaihi wa Sallam) said: "Five are the acts quite akin to the Fitrah: - shaving the pubes, circumcision, clipping the moustache, plucking the hair under the armpits and cutting the nails." [Reported by Bukhari, Muslim and others…]

Know that hair of the back parts or around anus is not impure unless some impurity touches it.  For more details, please read the Fatwa: 81950 and 86257.

http://www.islamweb.net/emainpage/index....d&Id=87389

(June 5, 2018 at 11:31 pm)yragnitup Wrote:

(June 5, 2018 at 9:10 pm)Fireball Wrote: Can allah make a fire hydrant big enough that he can't insert it into his rectum while doing god-like deep knee bends? Inquiring minds want to know!

Sorry that privilege is for you infidels only..

(And then insert him in a chain) insert the chain in his anus and extract it from his mouth, and what remains of it turn it round his neck (whereof the length) and width (is seventy cubits) cubits of the angel; it is also said this means: 70 fathoms.

Quran 69:32 تفسير Tanwîr al-Miqbâs min Tafsîr Ibn ‘Abbâs

Butt , before that make sure your anus is clean & slippery, (fatwa on shaving hair from around the anus)

Some scholars are of the opinion that shaving hair from around anus comes under the ruling of shaving one’s pubes.  It is called Sunan al-Fitrah mentioned in the Hadith narrated by Ayisha (Radiya Allahu Anhua) that the Prophet (Sallallahu Alaihi wa Sallam) said: "Five are the acts quite akin to the Fitrah: - shaving the pubes, circumcision, clipping the moustache, plucking the hair under the armpits and cutting the nails." [Reported by Bukhari, Muslim and others…]

Therefore, removing hair from around anus is not merely permissible but it is even likeable.

Know that hair of the back parts or around anus is not impure unless some impurity touches it.  For more details, please read the Fatwa: 81950 and 86257.

http://www.islamweb.net/emainpage/index....d&Id=87389

Just for curiosity what's the best technique for shaving one's asshole in the Sahara Desert?

(June 6, 2018 at 12:31 am)Wyrd of Gawd Wrote: Just for curiosity what's the best technique for shaving one's asshole in the Sahara Desert?

By not letting it grow in the first place just like there is no/very little grass on a busy road.

He must have a huge ass for there to be enough room for all those people to kiss it.

(June 6, 2018 at 4:15 am)robvalue Wrote: He must have a huge ass for there to be enough room for all those people to kiss it.

Only if all 1.8 Billion of em kiss at the same time but yeah you're right ,there are also trillions of jinns....need more space

For Muslims, when comes to Miracle of science in the Quran, its verses are literal and when its plain dumb, its metaphorical etc

So when he reached it (the fire), he was called from the right side of the valley, in the blessed place from the tree: "O Musa (Moses)! Verily! I am Allah, the Lord of the 'Alamin (mankind, jinns and all that exists)! (Quran 28 30)

How is thie above verse not literal when Allah's calling out Moses from the bushes on earth? Unless Moses is hallucinating. Besides, Allah having a physical audible voice on earth is no different from Christian believe of God in a physical body on earth etc.

My favorite one is , Allah the un created Creator cursing on his creation the fig, olive , snorting horse etc... is just funny.
Allah is nothing more than Muhammad's imaginary friend, alter ego & sock puppet, 3 in 1 trinity.

The more we learn, the more metaphorical the book becomes. Since it was meant to be the most important message ever sent, and God appears to refuse to issue an update, he really should have colour coded which bits are literal.