Is it possible for someone to make such a big mistake, that you will never respect them again no matter what they do? What if you still appreciate the good about them and still want a relationship with them, but you tell them: "Your mistake was so big that our relationship will have a big ugly hole forever, even if it's alright otherwise.". I personally think that the worst mistakes are the ones who have or could have terrible consequences on others than yourself and innocents as well, could've been easily avoided, the offender had zero or very little impulse to do so as well a lot of obvious reasons not to and the offender had good intentions. If they have bad intentions they either lack empathy or choose to ignore it. Don't get me wrong, I do believe that evil people are worse than well intentioned people, but I find it harder to forgive the ones who have good intentions, because if they fail to do good, they fail to accomplish what they tried to. As far as I know, psychopats didn't choose to be the way they are, so there's that. And if someone has empathy, but refuses to follow it, they might be victims themselves, but even if they aren't, I would have less expectations from them, than from someone with good intentions, at least average intelligence and that hasn't been brainwashed or forced to do and/or believe extremely stupid and/or distructive things.

If it's an honest mistake. Something that was never intended, more than likely, I wouldn't lose respect in the first place.

(February 15, 2019 at 9:38 am)no one Wrote: If it's an honest mistake. Something that was never intended, more than likely, I wouldn't lose respect in the first place.

Well, I did lose respect for 2 people who did a huge mistake, not all the respect, but a lot of it. But it was a really stupid mistake on their part and they never realised the harm they caused me. Granted, I never told them, but only because I'm still financially dependent on those people and I don't want to take risks. Also, it should've been extremely obvious to them that they should've never done that. I shouldn't be the one telling them that this was wrong, but I'm afraid I'll have to do it in the future.

You are entitled to feel the way you feel. I am not saying that you are wrong. People make mistakes. There isn't a single perfect being anywhere.

For me, there's a difference between an honest mistake, and lying to cover up something that was absolutely intentional.

(February 15, 2019 at 10:07 am)no one Wrote: You are entitled to feel the way you feel. I am not saying that you are wrong. People make mistakes. There isn't a single perfect being anywhere.

For me, there's a difference between an honest mistake, and lying to cover up something that was absolutely intentional.

You are entitled as well to feel the way you do. And I agree that there is a difference between doing an honest mistake and covering something intentional. I do see the latter as worse and I do appreciate good intentions, but I have bigger expectations from people that are both good and smart. Sure, nobody is perfect, but I do have a line when it comes to mistakes that you do not cross.

For me "mistake" implies that the other party did whatever they did unknowingly and so I wouldn't hold it against them for long, irrespective of the consequence, provided once they realise their mistake they at least try to make amends for it!

I'd say the golden rule applies here too, put yourself in their shoes and think, if you'd have done that mistake would you want the other side to hold against you or give you a chance to make amends?

If this "mistake" happened because the person was in a situation they never should have been in in the first place, then yes, it's possible. For example, if someone I knew was driving drunk (a situation they should never have put themselves in) and then killed a family of four in some horrific accident, I'd certainly lose respect for that person. Now, they surely didn't intend to hurt anyone by driving drunk, but they did, because they put their selfish want of "I don't feel like leaving my car at the bar" or "I don't feel like paying for an uber/taxi" over the general safety of others on the road, including themselves. Granted, alcohol does affect your decision-making skills, but I know of plenty of people who don't drink and drive. It's simply not a situation you HAVE to put yourself in.

So in a case like that, where someone never should've been in the situation in the first place; yes it's possible I could lose all or a lot of respect for someone based on a mistake, even if they're not a bad person.

Define respect.

I mean, if we mean mistake like accident, then no.

If we mean they just did something bad, then yes. I recently had a family member do something absolutely unforgivable. I pretend like everything's blown over because my mom is sick, but we will never have a relationship again. She's a trash person, and I only just now figured it out.

(February 15, 2019 at 8:38 am)Der/die AtheistIn Wrote: Is it possible for someone to make such a big mistake, that you will never respect them again no matter what they do? What if you still appreciate the good about them and still want a relationship with them, but you tell them: "Your mistake was so big that our relationship will have a big ugly hole forever, even if it's alright otherwise.". I personally think that the worst mistakes are the ones who have or could have terrible consequences on others than yourself and innocents as well, could've been easily avoided, the offender had zero or very little impulse to do so as well a lot of obvious reasons not to and the offender had good intentions. If they have bad intentions they either lack empathy or choose to ignore it. Don't get me wrong, I do believe that evil people are worse than well intentioned people, but I find it harder to forgive the ones who have good intentions, because if they fail to do good, they fail to accomplish what they tried to. As far as I know, psychopats didn't choose to be the way they are, so there's that. And if someone has empathy, but refuses to follow it, they might be victims themselves, but even if they aren't, I would have less expectations from them, than from someone with good intentions, at least average intelligence and that hasn't been brainwashed or forced to do and/or believe extremely stupid and/or distructive things.

I have long since hated the word "respect". Far too often, the user means, "Know your place" or "Don't bruise my ego.".  Don't get me wrong, nobody likes to feel like they are being abused, even if only verbally. I use the word "value" instead. I value those who can respond when I ask them to not do something. But if they continue, I don't have any obligation to stay in a position where their behavior is repeated if it is that stressful or emotionally draining on a daily basis. Ultimately you need to consider your own mental health, and what you are willing or not willing to put up with. You can part company with someone, forgive them, but still not want to be around them.

Yes, I have cut people off out of my life, even family. I don't wish them ill will, but they were too emotionally draining to deal with.