(September 22, 2021 at 3:59 pm)Angrboda Wrote: ...isn't it also possible that the idea of love is more a hook for explaining what we feel and do and experience than an actual thing?  That love is more realistically viewed as unrelated emotions, behaviors, and experiences arranged "love-wise?"

Some people say that if you want to "get lucky" take your date to a horror picture because fear and arousal have (supposedly) nearly identical physiological effects, such as elevated heart rate, adrenaline production, etc. The thinking goes that the simulated fear response could be happily mistaken for arousal. Similarly, one thing that has helped me with my anxiety is learning the difference between fear and excitement. That difference is not found in the physical response of my body but in my external and often intangible personal circumstances.

Perhaps your body, i.e. the deepest and most ancient part of your brain, is giving you signals that are primal & strong but vague & ambiguous. Are your responses to prospective lovers signs of excitement or anxiety? How would you know? I have been married for more than 30 years. My current feeling of love is more of a deep admiration of her and the satisfying feeling I get from doing right by her.

I've had the burning sensation in my chest over a woman before. But not until my 30s... and I'd had strong feelings for people before then. Just never physical sensations. Just goes to show how different each romantic encounter can be.

I wouldn't think for a second that someone who hasn't felt physical sensations "didn't feel love strongly" or that love with physical sensations is somehow more real than without.

Love is weird.

Why is love the only emotional state that gets this level of scrutiny? No one ever asks, ‘Is anger real?’ or ‘What is envy?’ We seem to have no trouble with the ‘real-ness’ of these, or of fear, compassion, hatred, sadness, gratitude or any one of the other emotions human are subject to.

Boru

I think each individual is unique and experiences emotions differently. For me it is very real and an enormous part of my life, but if I hadn't met someone that I was so compatible with I might be equally ambivalent. And I find that the more I put into the relationship, the deeper and more powerful the bond becomes. But if our relationship wasn't equally true, it wouldn't be possible. I would never abide a manipulative partner, nor would my wife.

Quote: That love is more realistically viewed as unrelated emotions, behaviors, and experiences arranged "love-wise?"

Aw, hell - we’re back to that bloody chair again.

Boru

Does this help?

The one I know makes me short of breath.

One thing that makes me wonder, though, is people can fall out of love even though neither has changed or done anything. If it's really keyed to the other's happiness, why would it wink out like that? Something is amiss.

I believe love is one of those things we tend to convince ourselves of despite its obvious irrationality.

(September 22, 2021 at 10:06 pm)Angrboda Wrote: One thing that makes me wonder, though, is people can fall out of love even though neither has changed or done anything.  If it's really keyed to the other's happiness, why would it wink out like that?  Something is amiss.

I think that it's almost impossible for people to not change, at least in some ways. With the passing of time and life experiences people should change...be it good or bad. Some relationships can adapt to those changes...others can't.