(January 29, 2013 at 8:05 pm)Stimbo Wrote: Oh, and thank you too Lilly. I didn't ignore you, you just posted while I was still typing.

I don't feel ignored, silly But, way I figure it, if you think you're ready to try dating again... don't date as someone you're not

That can go very wrongly TT__TT

Dating... now there's a scary word...

Stimbo, I'm pretty sure there are lots of girls who would go for nice guys instead of bad-ass guys.

Either way, I really don't think you have to re-invent yourself in such an extreme way by becoming a "bad-ass" all of a sudden just for the purpose of finding a girl. If you do that, then you're not being honest with yourself and others, and it can possibly lead to worse consequences for you in the future. I don't think anything good will come out of that.

As others have said, simply be who you are, not what someone else expects you to be.

I think I'm overtired, I haven't slept properly for as long as I remember and I can feel myself starting to get a little emotional, in an inappropriate way. Again, I thank more-or-less each of you for taking the time to respond to what I imagined might be a dead thread (no, that's unfair on those of you who I know care about what I say. I apologise). I promise I will take all your advice on board and reassess my position, such as it is.

(January 29, 2013 at 8:23 pm)Stimbo Wrote: I think I'm overtired, I haven't slept properly for as long as I remember and I can feel myself starting to get a little emotional, in an inappropriate way. Again, I thank more-or-less each of you for taking the time to respond to what I imagined might be a dead thread (no, that's unfair on those of you who I know care about what I say. I apologise). I promise I will take all your advice on board and reassess my position, such as it is.

Everything feels much worse when you haven't slept well. But I agree with the others. Pretending to be somebody else almost always ends badly. Your better off being you and finding somebody you actually want to be around.

Walk into a church, babble about jesus and you'll probably get laid on the spot.

I have no doubt that's true. Call me Mr Picky, but somehow I don't find the idea of playing Mummies and Daddies with some decrepit old preacher wearing nothing but a loose fitting robe all that appealing...

The thoughts in my head aren't harmonizing, so all I have are scattered impressions. I'll try not to speak too much of love, in line with Wittgenstein's maxim that of which we cannot speak, thereof we must remain silent. I have no experience of love, having been celibate most of my life. However, I had a love that reminded me of yours, after which I decided that I needn't love again, because I'd already had 'it' and didn't need to return to the well. I can't put it into words, but with the hindsight of 20 years, I think my thoughts at the time were foolishness.

In some ways, this reminds me of Sartre's prototypical anti-hero, who one day seized his absolute freedom and became a badass biker, a turn 180 degrees from his prior self. If anything, it was the emptiness of such ideas which turned me from Sartre: nobody can break completely from who they are and create themselves 'ex nihilo' — no matter how hard we try, we always end up being who we are; all our paths come to resemble circles. If anything, my erratic wanderings into and out of the science of the mind confirm this. (On this I could spend an eternity, pro and con, so I'll try not to linger, other than to note that novelty and change are, to my view, minor players in our overall psychological drives.)

I'm reminded of a Star Trek Next Generation episode in which the ever lamentable lieutenant Barcley is transformed by some sort of alien signal or something, and for a time is transformed into a super genius, who interfaces directly with the ship's main computers and uses the combined resources of the ship to travel unbelievable distances through subspace, using indecipherable technology, in order to bring the crew of the Enterprise face to face with super intelligent "explorers" on the other side of the universe — explorers who infect beings with their "probe" in order to cause them to come to the explorer, rather than the explorer going to them. At the end of the episode, Barcley is returned to normal, and he and several of the crew are sitting in the lounge, and Barcley is somewhat shell shocked, and Geordi says to him something to the effect that it's as important how we respond after having touched greatness and come back as what we did in touching greatness. Like Nietzsche's abyss, perhaps it's what you do after gazing into the abyss that makes you who you are. To that I would simply suggest that you try to walk away as whole as possible, and leave as little of you with the abyss as you can.

(January 29, 2013 at 8:28 pm)Insanity x Wrote: Everything feels much worse when you haven't slept well. But I agree with the others. Pretending to be somebody else almost always ends badly. Your better off being you and finding somebody you actually want to be around.

Sorry, just wanted to comment on this before my brain fogs up completely. There's no way of saying this without coming across as pathetically self-pitying and I honestly do take the point; however, I actually have found someone I want to be around. The only thing is, she doesn't want to be around me in the same way I want to be around her, especially since I told her just what my feelings are for her. Up to then she hadn't known that I do have feelings for her, and I didn't want to upset anything by opening up to her. The funny thing is, she's done exactly that same thing with someone else, another person that she didn't want to upset things with by revealing her feelings. Like me, she only wants a more open friendship but with this person.

The result of all this is that she now has got precisely what I hoped to achieve, while by doing almost the exact same thing I'm essentially a creepy stalker who's endangered the trust we had. Don't get me wrong, I'm very happy for her; she's not had the best of deals this past few years herself. The only glimmer of hope in this for me is that she doesn't think it will last more than a couple of months, though the chances of me being considered after that time, or even before, are not very good. And I don't blame her.

And on that note, I really need to be unconscious for several hours.

Stimbo, it's okay if you want to make yourself into a better you, but that does mean you have to re-invent yourself as a person. Maybe you can just try to be more confident or more out-going or whatever you perceive to be "better". It's fine to improve yourself, but that doesn't mean you have to throw away everything you are. I like that you're nice and I'm sure there are plenty of women out there who would enjoy the company of a gentle soul.