(April 22, 2013 at 11:40 am)Jerome Wrote: Being married is the loss of one’s freedom. It will not allow one the freedom to make random decisions because a final approval will be needed. Every decision will now be a compromise between two people.

1) compromise doesn't require marriage

2) not everyone considers this a loss of freedom.

(April 22, 2013 at 10:31 am)thesummerqueen Wrote:

(April 22, 2013 at 10:19 am)A_Nony_Mouse Wrote: I have had two marriages and three long term live-ins that were indistinguishable from my two marriages. The only difference I can say for certain was different was the absence of divorce attorneys. Now since the first marriage was in the good old days in Virginia there would probably have been a difference on getting the first home mortgage, more difficult to impossible. Can't think of anything else.

I didn't think about that. David and I have moved from "if we buy the condo" to "when we buy the condo" so I might have to get him to ask what the difference is between not being married and being married for our mortgage.

Back in the late 60s in Virginia there was special titling for married which permitted transfer to the survivor with nothing more than a small filing fee, joint tenants in the entirety. There were other forms of ownership for people not married but they were meant for business not sexual partnerships. The issue could have been and I think would have been the way mortgages were made. It would have required both our incomes to cover but it would have been governed by business rules. That would have required more money down and banks liked to see the borrowers owning other properties.

But since joint purchases by unmarried couples have become so common, even in Virginia, I doubt it would be an issue today.

It is absolutely worth looking into but a real estate agent can likely answer any questions and a few calls to banks should confirm or deny what you are told. Worst comes to worst a couple hundred on a real estate attorney is money well spent.

The main reason for me to get married is to get my bf's Finnish surename. I hate that almost no one in this country can pronounce or spell mine.

(April 22, 2013 at 11:54 am)A_Nony_Mouse Wrote: But since joint purchases by unmarried couples have become so common, even in Virginia, I doubt it would be an issue today.

It is absolutely worth looking into but a real estate agent can likely answer any questions and a few calls to banks should confirm or deny what you are told. Worst comes to worst a couple hundred on a real estate attorney is money well spent.

We're in North Carolina, so sometimes things are quirky, and what I'm more interested in is cosigning with his bank (SECU) and what they offer. I have USAA and I'm sure they'd give us a reasonable rate, but SECU seems to have more options.

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(April 22, 2013 at 11:55 am)Kayenneh Wrote: The main reason for me to get married is to get my bf's Finnish surename. I hate that almost no one in this country can pronounce or spell mine.

Mine's last name is "Lick". That'll be interesting.

(April 22, 2013 at 11:40 am)Jerome Wrote: Being married is the loss of one’s freedom. It will not allow one the freedom to make random decisions because a final approval will be needed. Every decision will now be a compromise between two people.

Marriage is not a loss of freedom. It is at most a trade off between freedoms. If it is not beneficial, don't.

The same applies to serial monogamy without marriage and for the same reasons.

Not dating is a huge relief. Not wasting money on the show of dating means the money can be spent on substantive things for the both of you. That on top of a single residence is quite a financial improvement.

You buy 300% markup jewelry when courting. You buy a 48" flat screen for a mistress or for your joint home. You spend the money you save on those expensive dinner and dancings on really good vacations.

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(April 22, 2013 at 11:56 am)thesummerqueen Wrote:

(April 22, 2013 at 11:54 am)A_Nony_Mouse Wrote: But since joint purchases by unmarried couples have become so common, even in Virginia, I doubt it would be an issue today.

It is absolutely worth looking into but a real estate agent can likely answer any questions and a few calls to banks should confirm or deny what you are told. Worst comes to worst a couple hundred on a real estate attorney is money well spent.

We're in North Carolina, so sometimes things are quirky, and what I'm more interested in is cosigning with his bank (SECU) and what they offer. I have USAA and I'm sure they'd give us a reasonable rate, but SECU seems to have more options.

Real estate advice across states is nearly impossible. I used to pull tricks in Virginia that would have been worth jail time if I had not known the practicalities so well. I have been in Florida since 1991 and have stayed out of real estate but what I have picked up indicates my Virginia knowledge is worthless. They don't have closing attorneys down here.

You want an older real estate attorney and about a half hour of his time. Note his key words and google them afterwards.

BTW: I never got a mortgage where I did my banking. The real estate agents do not make money unless the mortgage goes through. The agent can also give you a number to call to get the prime lending rate or can do it in the office on the speaker. So you will know the least it can be and not much more than half a point over that.

Security, safety, simplicity... of course: it's all in your head

Marriage says "I love you" like nothing else can.

I have been with my wife now for almost 23 years, if I wasn't married it would almost be like I was ready to run away at any second and that would just seem wrong.

I'm not saying it's for everyone, but if you are committed to a relationship why not show it!

Some people marry for the wrong reasons and sometimes it fails, but I couldn't imagine being in any other kind of relationship with my wife.

I don't like the idea of getting married much, but I would if I was with someone I loved and they wanted to. My mom and step dad got married seven years ago because he's a veteran with great health bennies. Seems like a decent reason, since they're in love, blah blah blah, but it's still not very compelling to me.

(April 22, 2013 at 12:50 pm)rexbeccarox Wrote: I don't like the idea of getting married much, but I would if I was with someone I loved and they wanted to. My mom and step dad got married seven years ago because he's a veteran with great health bennies. Seems like a decent reason, since they're in love, blah blah blah, but it's still not very compelling to me.

Yeah we all said that at one point, then one day......

(April 22, 2013 at 12:09 pm)A_Nony_Mouse Wrote: BTW: I never got a mortgage where I did my banking. The real estate agents do not make money unless the mortgage goes through. The agent can also give you a number to call to get the prime lending rate or can do it in the office on the speaker. So you will know the least it can be and not much more than half a point over that.

We're buying directly from his uncle, so agents are a non-issue. We're just looking to get the best rate possible. I don't bank with USAA - that's just where I get my loans and insurance from. He goes through SECU for everything, and they match or better almost all of my rates. My rates are better than others I'd get from competitors thanks to legacy through parents' insurances and good behavior. Just something to think about for me.