(September 6, 2014 at 2:01 pm)Losty Wrote: I just really want to get laid before the world ends. Then again, I've got time. It's not like I'm going to raptured.

I got your back. If the rapture happens, my (Christian) wife will probably be raptured and I'll be left behind. So, technically, this will leave me single.

(September 8, 2014 at 12:04 pm)RobbyPants Wrote: I got your back. If the rapture happens, my (Christian) wife will probably be raptured and I'll be left behind. So, technically, this will leave me single.

Sorry bro... You and I are being caught-up with our wives.

1 Corinthians 7:13-14 Wrote:"13) And if a woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce him. 14) For the unbelieving husband has been sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife has been sanctified through her believing husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy."

(emphasis added)

Losty will find someone else man. Sorry.

The good news is that you'll get to spend eternity with your bride... (christ that is)

(September 8, 2014 at 12:31 pm)ShaMan Wrote: Sorry bro... You and I are being caught-up with our wives.

...

Losty will find someone else man. Sorry.

Huh. I wonder why my wife cares so much that I don't want to go to church? She's already got me covered.

On a side note, I could hook up with Losty anyway, and when my wife complains, I'll tell her "It's cool. It doesn't really count. I'm sanctified."

(September 8, 2014 at 12:31 pm)ShaMan Wrote: The good news is that you'll get to spend eternity with your bride... (christ that is)

Weird. I wonder if it will be a sexless marriage. If not, it's a pretty awesome deal on his end.

And who says Christianity doesn't support polygamy and gay marriage? Jesus has billions of wives and husbands.

(September 5, 2014 at 6:33 pm)professor Wrote: I can laugh at myself easily.

It appears we have something in common!

Can I still bang my wife when we're in Heaven?

(September 7, 2014 at 8:49 pm)Beccs Wrote: It ended in 2012, but no one noticed.

The JWs actually used that, sorta. Charles Russell had predicted the end of the world in 1914. He clearly stated it; 1914 was when god would be all finished up putting a severe ass-beating on the world and ushering in paradise for the true believers. Even before then, Russell had started to hedge on whether he was off by a year, and perhaps it would be in 1915 that the world would go buh-bye. When WW1 began, he felt as if that was what would kick off Armageddon, but no dice.

The organization decided to turn this to its favor by insisting that what Russell had predicted was the beginning of the "End Times" of Biblical prophecy. Imagine that a man had predicted --some 30 or so years prior!-- that 1914 is when Jesus would begin his heavenly rein by dumping Satan onto the world, and BOOM... the world is thrown into turmoil! He musta been moved by the spirit!

In any case, this is why the Watchtower Society isn't big on reprinting their oldest stuff-- it tells a very different story than the one they push to the membership today. But it's also a reminder that if your end-of-world prophecy fails, just revise it. Some people are so invested in their religion that they'll remain faithful even in the face of such blatant deception.

(September 8, 2014 at 12:54 pm)Tonus Wrote: The organization decided to turn this to its favor by insisting that what Russell had predicted was the beginning of the "End Times" of Biblical prophecy.

Harold Camping pulled the same crap when his prediction failed in May. He said there was a "spiritual" (read, nonfalsifiable) judgment, and the really-real one would be in October. He finally shut up when it didn't happen in October, either.

What cracks me up is those were actually his second and third predictions. He'd earlier predicted it in the 90's. He and his followers were pretty slow learners.

(September 7, 2014 at 9:01 pm)Beccs Wrote:

(September 7, 2014 at 8:59 pm)Chuck Wrote: Just like how the people of late Neolithic failed to notice the world upon which they were building the first cities had not yet been created by god yet; Or how the ancient Egyptians failed to notice they had all been drowned in flood and therefore neglected to stop building pyramids.

I love that Onion article "Ancient Sumerians look on confused as God creates the world".

That was a good one...and fortunately still archived.

http://www.theonion.com/articles/sumeria...worl,2879/

Quote:According to the cuneiform tablets, Sumerians found God's most puzzling act to be the creation from dust of the first two human beings.

"These two people made in his image do not know how to communicate, lack skills in both mathematics and farming, and have the intellectual capacity of an infant," one Sumerian philosopher wrote. "They must be the creation of a complete idiot."

Along with one of my favs....

http://www.theonion.com/articles/jewish-...m-ban,992/

Quote:"The original codes were set down thousands of years ago by a nomadic people with no knowledge of refrigeration, preservatives or disease control," said Rabbi Eliyahu Baruch of Yeshiva University. "While we retain many of these traditions to honor our ancestors and our God, we recognize that they are unnecessary from a practical standpoint. Have you ever smelled bacon frying? Oy, vey, how my mouth waters."

(September 8, 2014 at 12:49 pm)ShaMan Wrote: Can I still bang my wife when we're in Heaven?

No, you can only suck Jesus cock.

7 days to go until I gets to have my head cutoff with a sword by Jesus (or one of his minions). Or perhaps disease will be my demise. Or will it be wild beasts? Starving to death? Zeus knows I could stand to lose a couple of pounds...

I'm all a twitter.

Quote:7When the Lamb broke the fourth seal, I heard the voice of the fourth living creature saying, "Come." 8I looked, and behold, an ashen horse; and he who sat on it had the name Death; and Hades was following with him. Authority was given to them over a fourth of the earth, to kill with sword and with famine and with pestilence and by the wild beasts of the earth.

Revelation 6:8

Sounds positively Islamic!