(May 6, 2015 at 12:02 pm)AFTT47 Wrote: Just One More Minute - Weird Al Yankovic

I've heard of Weird Al before. Now I know why 

(May 6, 2015 at 12:12 pm)Pyrrho Wrote:

(May 6, 2015 at 11:53 am)dahrling Wrote: I'm always seeking advice   
I think that the idea of a friendship blossoming into romance is very beautiful   
The problem is that many times one of the two people in said friendship will develop these feelings first and the other one will take more time or not develop romantic feelings for their friend at all and their friendship can be ruined. 
I prefer to put friendships before romance   

But I don't really believe one can choose who to fall in love with. I still think that depends on many outside factors beyond our control.  

In my case, my wife and I were friends for about a year before we decided to add romance to the relationship.  We were best friends at the time.  About a year later, we were married, and have been happy together ever since.

If one of us had not been ready for romance, we simply would have stayed friends.  I personally think people worry too much about damaging their friendships with romance.  Unless one is a jerk to one's romantic partner (which is really a contradiction in terms, as being a jerk isn't romantic), I don't see why it should ruin anything.

Can I ask, how did it come up? How does one decide to transform their platonic relationship into a romantic one? 

I think that many people suffer when they love their friend but that love is unrequited. You still have to see them often and pretend like you don't have these feelings for them, even though you do.
And I think it gets a lot worse once your friend finds a partner. Then you might open yourself to them and they might begin to feel awkward around you. 
Not to mention the pain of the rejection itself

(May 6, 2015 at 12:27 pm)dahrling Wrote: ...

(May 6, 2015 at 12:12 pm)Pyrrho Wrote: In my case, my wife and I were friends for about a year before we decided to add romance to the relationship.  We were best friends at the time.  About a year later, we were married, and have been happy together ever since.

If one of us had not been ready for romance, we simply would have stayed friends.  I personally think people worry too much about damaging their friendships with romance.  Unless one is a jerk to one's romantic partner (which is really a contradiction in terms, as being a jerk isn't romantic), I don't see why it should ruin anything.

But how did it come up? How does one decide to transform their platonic relationship into a romantic one? 

I think that many people suffer when they love their friend but that love is unrequited. You still have to see them often and pretend like you don't have these feelings even though you do. And it gets a lot worse once your friend finds a partner. And then you might tell them and they might feel awkward around you. 

How it came up was that one of us suggested the idea of adding romance to our relationship, and the other agreed that it was a good idea.  I am not sure after all these years who suggested the idea first.  The idea was originally put forth in a very tentative way.  But if the other person had indicated that he or she was not receptive, then things would have just gone on as they had before.  We would have continued with a platonic relationship.

As for how one decides to make such a change, in my case, I thought about what my friend was like, and also what I wanted in a romantic partner.  Those things matched up very well, and so I thought it was a good idea.  That is only part of it.  I also felt like it was a good idea.  I cannot give you a good explanation for that, but thinking about her helped with that.

Remember, we had known each other for a full year.  We also spent a good amount of time in each other's company during that time, both around others, and alone together.  We knew each other very well before we added romance to our relationship.


As for your idea of telling someone after they have a different romantic partner, that is not the best time to tell the person.  The best time is when the person does not have a romantic partner.  If they reject you and then later on have a romantic partner, they already know how you feel (or at least how you felt), so there is likely no need to tell them again at that point.

(May 6, 2015 at 12:47 pm)Pyrrho Wrote:

(May 6, 2015 at 12:27 pm)dahrling Wrote: ...



But how did it come up? How does one decide to transform their platonic relationship into a romantic one? 

I think that many people suffer when they love their friend but that love is unrequited. You still have to see them often and pretend like you don't have these feelings even though you do. And it gets a lot worse once your friend finds a partner. And then you might tell them and they might feel awkward around you. 

How it came up was that one of us suggested the idea of adding romance to our relationship, and the other agreed that it was a good idea.  I am not sure after all these years who suggested the idea first.  The idea was originally put forth in a very tentative way.  But if the other person had indicated that he or she was not receptive, then things would have just gone on as they had before.  We would have continued with a platonic relationship.

As for how one decides to make such a change, in my case, I thought about what my friend was like, and also what I wanted in a romantic partner.  Those things matched up very well, and so I thought it was a good idea.  That is only part of it.  I also felt like it was a good idea.  I cannot give you a good explanation for that, but thinking about her helped with that.

Remember, we had known each other for a full year.  We also spent a good amount of time in each other's company during that time, both around others, and alone together.  We knew each other very well before we added romance to our relationship.


As for your idea of telling someone after they have a different romantic partner, that is not the best time to tell the person.  The best time is when the person does not have a romantic partner.  If they reject you and then later on have a romantic partner, they already know how you feel (or at least how you felt), so there is likely no need to tell them again at that point.

I think it's wonderful your wife is also your best friend 

I'm not sure if this happens with frequency, but it seems to me like if it did we wouldn't consider divorce to be as common as we do now 

@BadWolf: I find that song to be surprisingly romantic

then




finally

---

and lol

My song for my wife is The Police, Every Little Thing She Does Is Magic.  Only the chorus fits, as the verses are Sting's usual unrequited love lyrics, but she doesn't really pay attention to the verses so it works.