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RE: joke time
September 27, 2015 at 11:27 pm
(September 27, 2015 at 11:22 pm)IATIA Wrote: A couple was visiting in Russia when they became disoriented. They stopped to ask directions from a guard.
"which way is the Kremlin?"
"Я не понимаю"
"Do you speak any English?"
"Я не понимаю"
"Est-ce que tu parles français?"
"Я не понимаю"
"Sprechen Sie deutsch?"
"Я не понимаю"
"Parli italiano?"
"Я не понимаю"
"Well I guess we aren't getting anywhere like this" "Let's head that way and maybe we can find someone else"
As the couple left, one guard looked at the other and said, "Maybe we should learn a couple of languages to deal with these tourists.".
The other guard says, "They knew four and look what good it did them."
My step father used to tell this story. He was checking in to a Paris hotel. He spoke no French, so he began in English. The desk clerk shock his head, and indicated he spoke no English. So my step father tried German. Yes, the clerk knew German and all went well.
After he had taken his bags up to his room as he came over the balcony he over heard the clerk speaking to a German. No he spoke no German, but he did speak English.
If there is a god, I want to believe that there is a god. If there is not a god, I want to believe that there is no god.
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RE: joke time
September 27, 2015 at 11:55 pm
I put my xmas tree up today.
The casualty nurses pissed themselves laughing.
At the age of five, Skagra decided emphatically that God did not exist. This revelation tends to make most people in the universe who have it react in one of two ways - with relief or with despair. Only Skagra responded to it by thinking, 'Wait a second. That means there's a situation vacant.'
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RE: joke time
September 28, 2015 at 12:10 am
Can't believe what I've just found out.
Apparently I was adopted.
And it was Rick Astley who gave me up.
At the age of five, Skagra decided emphatically that God did not exist. This revelation tends to make most people in the universe who have it react in one of two ways - with relief or with despair. Only Skagra responded to it by thinking, 'Wait a second. That means there's a situation vacant.'
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RE: joke time
September 28, 2015 at 3:02 am
(September 27, 2015 at 10:16 pm)Stimbo Wrote: Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
I saw you on facebook
And wanked over you.
shoulda posted it in the creepy thread! 
No God, No fear.
Know God, Know fear.
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RE: joke time
September 28, 2015 at 3:55 am
'Clearly, the trouble with the world today is that a large part of it is inhabited by foreigners.' - Cecil Rhodes
Boru
‘I can’t be having with this.’ - Esmeralda Weatherwax
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RE: joke time
September 28, 2015 at 4:42 am
"Every luxury has a deep price. Every indulgence, a cosmic cost. Each fiber of pleasure you experience causes equivalent pain somewhere else. This is the first law of emodynamics [sic]. Joy can be neither created nor destroyed. The balance of happiness is constant.
Fact: Every time you eat a bite of cake, someone gets horsewhipped.
Facter: Every time two people kiss, an orphanage collapses.
Factest: Every time a baby is born, an innocent animal is severely mocked for its physical appearance. Don't be a pleasure hog. Your every smile is a dagger. Happiness is murder.
Vote "yes" on Proposition 1321. Think of some kids. Some kids."
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RE: joke time
September 28, 2015 at 4:53 am
(September 28, 2015 at 4:42 am)Lucanus Wrote: This thread
http://atheistforums.org/thread-36732.html
I clicked on the link. Good job posting here in 'joke time', as that was some of the funniest stuff I've ever read.
Boru
‘I can’t be having with this.’ - Esmeralda Weatherwax
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RE: joke time
September 28, 2015 at 6:01 am
(September 28, 2015 at 3:02 am)ignoramus Wrote: (September 27, 2015 at 10:16 pm)Stimbo Wrote: Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
I saw you on facebook
And wanked over you.
shoulda posted it in the creepy thread!
Yeah, I thought that myself. I didn't spot the creepy thread until literally immediately after I hit post.
At the age of five, Skagra decided emphatically that God did not exist. This revelation tends to make most people in the universe who have it react in one of two ways - with relief or with despair. Only Skagra responded to it by thinking, 'Wait a second. That means there's a situation vacant.'
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RE: joke time
September 28, 2015 at 9:39 am
(September 27, 2015 at 9:26 pm)Stimbo Wrote: There was an American tourist on the train today, being uncharacteristically loudmouthed and disparaging. Everything we passed he sneered at for being too small, too old-fashioned or pathetically quaint.
We went past a large country manor in its own grounds and he laughed mockingly. "Call that a house?" he sneered, "Why, my country's filled with places like that!"
At which point I couldn't resist leaning across and saying, "I don't doubt it. That's a mental hospital."
The whole carriage applauded.
My only objection is with the word "uncharacteristically."
The god who allows children to be raped out of respect for the free will choice of the rapist, but punishes gay men for engaging in mutually consensual sex couldn't possibly be responsible for an intelligently designed universe.
I may defend your right to free speech, but i won't help you pass out flyers.
Those who can make you believe absurdities, can make you commit atrocities.
--Voltaire
Nietzsche isn't dead. How do I know he lives? He lives in my mind.
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RE: joke time
September 28, 2015 at 10:17 am
That was my innate gentleman talking. He's not quite dead yet, but I'm working on it.
At the age of five, Skagra decided emphatically that God did not exist. This revelation tends to make most people in the universe who have it react in one of two ways - with relief or with despair. Only Skagra responded to it by thinking, 'Wait a second. That means there's a situation vacant.'
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