joke time

[Cyberman]

Perhaps it depends on the chippy.

[Edwardo Piet]

Some donner meat is definitely less crappy some places than others.

Some places I find it inedible, others it's like "Oh this is actually quite nice".

*insert joke here*

Back to topic

Damn I wish I was funny lol

[Darinda]

A Jewish businessman in Brooklyn decided to send his son to Israel to
absorb some of the culture of the homeland.
When the son returned, the father asked him to tell him about his trip.

The son said, "Pop, I had a great time in Israel.
By the way, I converted to Christianity."

"Oh, my," said the father, What have I done?"
He decided to go ask his friend Jacob what to do.

Jacob said, "Funny you should ask. I too sent my son to Israel, and he also came back a Christian.
Perhaps we should go see the rabbi and ask him what we should do."
So they went to see the rabbi.

The rabbi said, "Funny you should ask. I too sent my son to Israel.
He also came back a Christian.
What is happening to our young people?

Perhaps we should go talk to God and ask him what to do.

The three of them prayed and explained what had happened to their sons and asked God what to do.
Suddenly a voice came loud and clear from Heaven.

The Voice said, "Funny you should ask. I, too, sent my Son to Israel....

[Nontheist]

What's the difference between a dog and a fox??.......10 pints of lager..

[Darinda]

I was sitting at a long stoplight yesterday, minding my own business and
patiently waiting for it to turn green even though there was no on-coming
traffic. A carload of bearded, young, loud Muslims shouting Anti-American
slogans with a half-burned American Flag duct-taped on the trunk of their
car and a "Remember 9-11" slogan spray painted on the side was stopped next
to me.

Suddenly they yelled, "Allah Akbar! Praise Allah! Death to America" and
took off before the light changed.

Out of nowhere an 18-wheeler came speeding through the intersection and ran
directly over their car, crushing it completely and killing everyone in it.

For several minutes I sat in my car thinking to myself:

"Man.... that coulda been me!"

So today, bright and early, I went out and got a job as a truck driver.

[Rhondazvous]

via Imgflip Meme Maker

[Rhondazvous]

Santa and Mrs. Claus are walking down the streets of Moscow when Santa feels something wet hit his nose.
Santa: I do think it’s about to rain.
Mrs. Claus: Nom that was snow.
Santa: I’m pretty sure it was rain.
Mrs. And I’m positive it was snow.
Santa: Look, across the street. There’s Rudolph. He’s a communist. Communists know everything. He’ll be able to tell us if it was snow or rain.
So they crossed the street and presented their cases to Rudolph.
Rudolph: That was rain.
Santa starts to walkaway looking smug but
Mrs.: Claus: I still say it was snow.
Santa: Come on. Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear.

[ApeNotKillApe]

A man walks into a bar. His dependence on alcohol is tearing his family apart.

[Edwardo Piet]

Lol Anti-Joke

[Cyberman]

I remember seeing an anti-joke stand up comic on telly years ago, I have no idea of his name. The only one I can recall went something like this horribly butchered version I am about to relate:

A Jewish housewife stood waiting for a bus. A neonazi walked up and stood next to her.

"What time's the next bus, Jew?" he sneered at her.

"About five minutes," she said, "It's a very good service."