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RE: joke time
January 8, 2018 at 1:38 am
(January 3, 2018 at 5:06 pm)Haipule Wrote: I'm an optician with PGAD: "Bill, your last patient had beautiful eyes, What color were they?" 34C I'm going to pull a "Little Lunch" here. Really! How is: [Question: What color were her eyes?" Answer: 34C] not hilarious?
My girlfriend thinks I'm a stalker. Well...she's not my girlfriend "yet".
I discovered a new vitamin that fights cancer. I call it ...B9
I also invented a diet pill. It works great but had to quit taking it because of the side effects. Turns out my penis is larger and my hair grew back. And whoa! If you think my hair is nice!
When does size truly matter? When it's TOO big!
I'm currently working on a new pill I call "Destenze". However...now my shoes don't fit.
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RE: joke time
January 8, 2018 at 1:42 am
It brought a smirk and IMO deserved exactly one kudo-- I just figured someone else would pick up the duty.
I went back and got you.
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RE: joke time
January 8, 2018 at 1:45 am
(This post was last modified: January 8, 2018 at 1:52 am by Haipule.)
(January 8, 2018 at 1:42 am)vulcanlogician Wrote: It brought a smirk and IMO deserved exactly one kudo-- I just figured someone else would pick up the duty.
I went back and got you.  Tanks Bruddah man!
My girlfriend thinks I'm a stalker. Well...she's not my girlfriend "yet".
I discovered a new vitamin that fights cancer. I call it ...B9
I also invented a diet pill. It works great but had to quit taking it because of the side effects. Turns out my penis is larger and my hair grew back. And whoa! If you think my hair is nice!
When does size truly matter? When it's TOO big!
I'm currently working on a new pill I call "Destenze". However...now my shoes don't fit.
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RE: joke time
January 8, 2018 at 7:01 am
(This post was last modified: January 8, 2018 at 7:05 am by vulcanlogician.)
A kind-hearted older man meets a much younger woman, and soon they fall madly in love with one another. They end up getting married. The first two years of their marriage are blissful; they find that they love each other very much, and both agree that they are soulmates. But the woman begins to feel dissatisfaction in the relationship because her husband is unable to make her achieve sexual climax.
Wanting to address this issue they consult a rabbi who recommends that while they make love, they hire a young strapping man to stand over them and wave a towel. The idea behind this was that the young woman could look at the young man during intercourse, becoming aroused so that she could better reach orgasm.
So they hire a young hunk from the local Chippendale's and they bring him home with them. During sex, the young man stood over them and dutifully waved the towel, but to no avail. The woman did not achieve climax.
Disappointed, the couple returns to the rabbi. He recommends that they try again, only this time the husband would wave the towel while the strapping young man made love to the woman.
So they head back to Chippendale's and hire the same young hunk. As instructed, the husband begins waving the towel over his wife, and the young man leaps upon her and begins pounding away furiously. Moans of pleasure erupt from the womans mouth, soon replaced by shrieks of ecstasy that fill the whole house. The whole thing ends with the wife having a gigantic, wall-shaking orgasm.
After the young man dismounts the woman, her husband gets right up in his face and says, "You see, schmuck, THAT'S how you wave a towel."
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RE: joke time
January 8, 2018 at 7:42 am
(January 8, 2018 at 7:01 am)vulcanlogician Wrote: A kind-hearted older man meets a much younger woman, and soon they fall madly in love with one another. They end up getting married. The first two years of their marriage are blissful; they find that they love each other very much, and both agree that they are soulmates. But the woman begins to feel dissatisfaction in the relationship because her husband is unable to make her achieve sexual climax......
It was for me? lol .... so i need a young man, huh?
..anyway you make me smile 😉
"Alone is what I have. Alone protects me."
“I may be on the side of the angels but don’t think for one second that I am one of them.”
“The important thing is not to stop questioning. Curiosity has its own reason for existence. One cannot help but be in awe when he contemplates the mysteries of eternity, of life, of the marvelous structure of reality. It is enough if one tries merely to comprehend a little of this mystery each day."
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RE: joke time
January 8, 2018 at 7:45 am
(This post was last modified: January 8, 2018 at 7:47 am by vulcanlogician.)
Yes, that was for you. I don't have any connections at Chippendale's so your just gonna have to try an' enjoy my jokes. 
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RE: joke time
January 8, 2018 at 7:54 am
A butterfly and spider go to business school and discuss majors.
Spider," I am going to major in web development."
Butterfly, "Good for you, but I am staying off the net."
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RE: joke time
January 8, 2018 at 7:54 am
(January 8, 2018 at 7:45 am)vulcanlogician Wrote: Yes, that was for you. I don't have any connections at Chippendale's so your just gonna have to try an' enjoy my jokes.
You don't have any connections ...but i hope you're young though huh? Hehe i'm kidding
See... I'm smiling
"Alone is what I have. Alone protects me."
“I may be on the side of the angels but don’t think for one second that I am one of them.”
“The important thing is not to stop questioning. Curiosity has its own reason for existence. One cannot help but be in awe when he contemplates the mysteries of eternity, of life, of the marvelous structure of reality. It is enough if one tries merely to comprehend a little of this mystery each day."
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RE: joke time
January 8, 2018 at 8:00 am
(January 8, 2018 at 7:54 am)KittyAnn Wrote: You don't have any connections ...but i hope you're young though huh? Hehe i'm kidding
See... I'm smiling
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RE: joke time
January 8, 2018 at 10:41 am
A Jewish grandma and her grandson are at the beach. He's playing in the water, she is standing on the shore not wanting to get her feet wet, when all of a sudden, a huge wave appears from nowhere and crashes directly onto the spot where the boy is wading. The water recedes and the boy is no longer there... he was swept away.
The grandma holds her hands to the sky, screams and cries: "Lord, my GOD, how could you? Haven't I been a wonderful grandmother? Haven't I been a wonderful mother? Haven't I kept a kosher home? Haven't I given to charity? Haven't I lit candles every Friday night? Haven't I tried my very best to live a life that you would be proud of?"
A voice booms from the sky, "All right already!"
A moment later another huge wave appears out of nowhere and crashes on the beach. As the water recedes, the boy is standing there. He is smiling and splashing around as if nothing had ever happened.
The voice booms again. "I have returned your grandson. Are you satisfied?"
She responds,
"He had a hat."
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