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RE: joke time
January 22, 2018 at 1:16 pm
Pinocchio was complaining to Giuppetto about a problem he was having with his girl friends. He said that his girl friends were complaining about getting splinters while having sex with him. (Apparently Pinocchio didn't have any problems getting it hard.) Giuppetto told Pinocchio that it was just a small problem, and gave him a sheet of sandpaper to remove the splinters himself.
A few days later, Giuppetto asked how Pinocchio was making out with his girlfriends since sanding his "Woodie". Pinocchio said "Since I got the sandpaper, who needs a girlfriend ?"
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RE: joke time
January 22, 2018 at 10:11 pm
In 2002, a journalist visited a province of Iraq. While touring the region, he came across an Arab man walking through the fields with his wives. Noticing that the wives all walker about ten paces behind the man, the journalist approached and asked him why this was.
"You see," said the Arab man, "women are naturally inferior to men, and if they were allowed to walk alongside me, they might start thinking they're my equals and then they would become unmanageable."
Shocked and disgusted, the journalist berated the Arab man for his back ward way of thinking, telling him that women and men are equal and should be treated as such.
The Arab man pondered the words of the journalist, promising him he would think over what he had said.
Satisfied, the red-faced journalist finished his tour of the province and returned to the west.
2018 arrives and ISIS have been defeated. The journalist decides to return to the country and the province he had visited 16 years ago and do a new report.
Arriving in the province, he is surprised to see the same Arab man walking through the fields as he had so many years ago. But this time, to his delight, he notices the man's wives are now walking ten paces ahead of their husband.
He approaches the Arab man and reintroduces himself, smiling the whole time.
"I see you took my word to heart since I was here last," the journalist says. "Do you allow your wives to walk in front of you because you want to give them the feeling of superiority you had over them for so many years?"
"No," replies the Arab man.
"Then why," asked the journo.
"Landmines."
Playing Cluedo with my mum while I was at Uni:
"You did WHAT? With WHO? WHERE???"
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RE: joke time
January 23, 2018 at 9:41 am
Teacher: Whats the meaning of Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder?
Student: Bamba’lakkadi Jimba.
Teacher: I don't understand anything you said.
Student: Same here.
Doctor : Why did you take your antibiotic medicine at 6:00 PM when i told you at 9:00 PM..?
Patient: I wanted to surprise the bacteria.
http://commentpics.in/wp-content/uploads/2015/11/6.jpeg
"Alone is what I have. Alone protects me."
“I may be on the side of the angels but don’t think for one second that I am one of them.”
“The important thing is not to stop questioning. Curiosity has its own reason for existence. One cannot help but be in awe when he contemplates the mysteries of eternity, of life, of the marvelous structure of reality. It is enough if one tries merely to comprehend a little of this mystery each day."
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RE: joke time
January 24, 2018 at 9:13 am
I just deleted all my German friends off my phone... It's Hans free.
A friend of mine broke his left arm and his left leg... He said he feels alright.
My Grandma told me her joints were getting weaker... I told her to roll them tighter.
Change is inevitable... Except from a Tunisian shopkeeper.
Jokes about women's bodily functions are not funny. Period.
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RE: joke time
January 24, 2018 at 12:17 pm
(January 20, 2018 at 9:41 am)Cod Wrote: A hairdresser turns up at the White house to sort out Trumps hair, she stops at the gates and asks to be let in. The security guard asks "have you got a permit." She replies "No he prefers his hair to be straight."
hairdresser shows up at the White house to do trump's hair.
Guar5d: Oh great. I don't even have to let you in. I'll just pass the shitty toupee through the gate.
The god who allows children to be raped out of respect for the free will choice of the rapist, but punishes gay men for engaging in mutually consensual sex couldn't possibly be responsible for an intelligently designed universe.
I may defend your right to free speech, but i won't help you pass out flyers.
Those who can make you believe absurdities, can make you commit atrocities.
--Voltaire
Nietzsche isn't dead. How do I know he lives? He lives in my mind.
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RE: joke time
January 26, 2018 at 2:36 pm
There is a new full length feature adult si fi porn film out called "ET" or "Extra Testicles"
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RE: joke time
January 26, 2018 at 8:36 pm
(This post was last modified: January 26, 2018 at 8:38 pm by chimp3.)
(January 26, 2018 at 2:36 pm)Brian37 Wrote: There is a new full length feature adult si fi porn film out called "ET" or "Extra Testicles"
Cheech Marin did a character called E.T. E.T. ! Ernie Torres, Extra Testicle. Super horny illegal alien alien.
A guy with A.D.H.D. walks into a.....
Hey! Let's go get something to eat!
God thinks it's fun to confuse primates. Larsen's God!
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RE: joke time
January 28, 2018 at 11:56 am
A blonde walks into a library and approaches the librarian at the counter...
blonde: Excuse me, can I get a large order of fries and a coke?
librarian: Ma'am, this is a library.
blonde: Oh, sorry. (whispers) Can I get a large order of fries and a coke?
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RE: joke time
January 30, 2018 at 3:35 pm
(This post was last modified: January 30, 2018 at 3:36 pm by Haipule.)
My spider senses are telling me that LadyForCamus is madly in love with me. I have a good sense of these things. I'm only wrong maybe...once in a Super Blue Moon!
My girlfriend thinks I'm a stalker. Well...she's not my girlfriend "yet".
I discovered a new vitamin that fights cancer. I call it ...B9
I also invented a diet pill. It works great but had to quit taking it because of the side effects. Turns out my penis is larger and my hair grew back. And whoa! If you think my hair is nice!
When does size truly matter? When it's TOO big!
I'm currently working on a new pill I call "Destenze". However...now my shoes don't fit.
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RE: joke time
January 30, 2018 at 3:46 pm
(This post was last modified: January 30, 2018 at 3:47 pm by Fireball.)
Somebody ought to start a creepy joke thread and transfer this one ^^^ over there.
If you get to thinking you’re a person of some influence, try ordering somebody else’s dog around.
