joke time

[The Valkyrie]

Why did the pervert cross the road?

Because his dick was stuck in the chicken.

[BrianSoddingBoru4]

6 out of 7 dwarfs are not Happy.

Boru

[BrianSoddingBoru4]

Q: How do you get a sweet, little old lady to yell, 'FUCK!!' ?

---

A:  Get another sweet, little old lady to yell, 'BINGO!' .

---

Boru

[outtathereligioncloset]

Apologies if it's already here, but honestly, I haven't read the previous 282 pages (great job, ya'll!):

A dentist noticed that his next patient, an elderly lady, was looking very nervous so he decided to tell her a little joke as he put on his gloves.

"Do you know how they make these gloves?" he asked.

"No, I don't" she replied

"Well," he spoofed, "there's a building in China with a big tank of latex and workers of all hand sizes walk up to the tank,dip in their hands, let them dry, then peel off the gloves and throw them into boxes of the right size."

She didn't crack a smile.

"Oh, well. I tried," he thought.

But five minutes later, during a delicate portion of the dental procedure,she burst out laughing.

"What's so funny?" he asked.

"I was just picturing how condoms are made!" she said.

[Cod]

My neighbour confronted me aggressively asking me if I knew anything about her underwear going missing off her washing line.


I nearly shit her pants.

[Brian37]

BREAKING NEWS, exclusive video of 45/Rosenstein meeting on Air Farce 1.

[BrianSoddingBoru4]

When I was single, the elderly members of my family would nudge me at weddings and whisper, 'You're next.'  I got so tired of it that I started doing it to them at funerals.

Boru

[The Valkyrie]

Today the seven year old son of a colleague glued two toilet roll holders together, handed them to me and told me he'd made binoculars.

I handed him my phone and told him this is what seven year olds are making in China and he needs to up his game.

Apparently I'd be a bad parent.

[no one]

A woman was in a coma, and had been for nearly a year.

One day a CNA went in to give her a sponge bath. When cleaning her naughty bits, she noticed there was a response on the monitor that registered brain activity. Thinking it was nothing more than a glitch, she continued on with her duties.
The following day the same thing occured. Finally, on the third day, she informed the doctors.

After a month of close monitoring and the reaching the same result, they decided it was time to inform the husband. The doctors, having exhausted all conventional means of waking the woman up, decided to try something rather unorthodox. They said to the husband, "It may seem crazy, but we believe a little oral sex may just to the trick." Needless to say, the husband was a bit skeptical. After thinking it over, he reluctantly agreed.

He went into his wife's room. A few minutes passed, and then the woman's monitor flat lined, no pulse, no heart beat, alarms ringing, the nurses burst into the room. "What happened?" they cried.

The husband said, "I'm not sure, I think she choked"

[Brian37]

Hollywood is coming out with a new blockbuster movie expected to win an Oscar about the founder of Tampex. Critics are calling it the best period piece in Hollywood history.