In support of the rage of man

[Athene]

What you "believe" doesn't matter, benny. There has to be a physical act or threat for it be imprisonment.
Her simply placing herself in front of the exit and saying "I'm not done talking" does not amount to that.

If she brandished a weapon, OR perhaps even simply said "I will kill you if you attempt to leave", OR pushed, shoved or otherwise assaulted as you attempted to leave, then yes, THEN yes, she would have committed a crime.


I might stand in front in a door for a few moments, depending on how badly I wanted to finish what I had to say. I wouldn't wrestle with a motherfucker in my doorway like some idiot and attempt to physically restrain him from leaving though.

I am 99.9% certain that once I tell someone that I want to leave, they are violating the law if they won't let me past them. They don't have to threaten me. They don't have to have a weapon.

For the last time, not letting someone go requires an act of MORE than merely standing in a doorway and saying "No, I'm still talking." 

Unless perhaps, said person is massive enough to block the entire width of the doorway AND there are no other means of exit in the entire house except for that one goddamned door. 
Then you'd probably have a case.

[bennyboy]

If we as a race are propagating a dominance hierarchy, I would blame the females for giving us men poor goals to bump claws or run for. We may have culturally propitiated a long standing species trait with a patriarchal construct. It might even amplify the problem. The social construct is not the source though, just the source of the current culture and times rage, due to a lack of understanding of the deeper issue.

I think we have a Jordan Peterson fan in the house, no?

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For the last time, not letting someone go requires an act of MORE than merely standing in a doorway and saying "No, I'm still talking." 

Unless perhaps, said person is massive enough to block the entire width of the doorway AND there are no other means of exit in the entire house except for that one goddamned door. 
Then you'd probably have a case.

If forcing your way past someone physically is the only way to leave, then what does it matter if they're smaller? If I said "My wife blocked me, and I grabbed her and pushed her out of the way," you'd be fine with that?

See, at that moment in time, the only goal I could really hold in my head was not to touch her at all. I was trying very hard to avoid any physical contact, because the alarm bells were already ringing.

[LadyForCamus]

If having a conversation can do that to you, ends up with you pitching shit across the room..you probably shouldn't be in any rooms with other people, or have conversations.

Did you read the stories, dude?  In which story I expressed was I "having a conversation?"

But yes, the truth is that I talk to my wife much less than I used to.  I'd rather avoid her than risk a confrontation that is going to make me feel frustrated.

There is so much wrong with this, Benny...

[Yonadav]

It IS clear to me that you are in need of professional help. Any danger is coming from your attempts at self diagnosis and treatment. Eg You have not shown you have any awareness of the cause of your anger issues.  I do not accept any responsibility for your behaviour. If you mental state is that fragile, you need to be in hospital.


That is all I have to say to you on this matter..

Giving a diagnosis on an anonymous chat site is professional misconduct.

Even when the letters following our names are imaginary?  

[Shell B]

You can say you're still talking without blocking a door. While I think there are SO many things wrong with this thread and many of benny's posts in it, I completely agree that blocking someone's exit is a dick move. It doesn't matter if you're smaller. If you make it so I have to force my way past you, you've just physically forced me to either stay where I am or physically move you. That's not how you have a mature conversation.

[bennyboy]

There is so much wrong with this, Benny...

No doubt. But I think it's less wrong than risking a serious confrontation, or leaving the kids abandoned.

We go to work, we pay the bills, we take good care of the kids. Sometimes, just functioning like that has to be good enough. This idea that if you aren't feeling fully realized as a human being, you should walk away from important relationships, leave your kids, change towns or whatever-- that's just not my view of it.

Maybe in the future things will get better. Maybe our business will take off and we can spend a little time in the Bahamas and patch things up. Who knows? But for now-- I will just have to turtle down for a while and keep showing up on time for work.

[Athene]

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For the last time, not letting someone go requires an act of MORE than merely standing in a doorway and saying "No, I'm still talking." 

Unless perhaps, said person is massive enough to block the entire width of the doorway AND there are no other means of exit in the entire house except for that one goddamned door. 
Then you'd probably have a case.

If forcing your way past someone physically is the only way to leave, then what does it matter if they're smaller?  If I said "My wife blocked me, and I grabbed her and pushed her out of the way," you'd be fine with that?

See, at that moment in time, the only goal I could really hold in my head was not to touch her at all.  I was trying very hard to avoid any physical contact, because the alarm bells were already ringing.

Hmm. I did find it odd that you seemed so thoroughly convinced that your wife would attempt to press charges against you just for brushing against her or moving her to the side as you went to go take a walk.

So, what did your wife want to talk to you about on that particular day?

[LadyForCamus]

There is so much wrong with this, Benny...

No doubt.  But I think it's less wrong than risking a serious confrontation, or leaving the kids abandoned.

We go to work, we pay the bills, we take good care of the kids.  Sometimes, just functioning like that has to be good enough.  This idea that if you aren't feeling fully realized as a human being, you should walk away from important relationships, leave your kids, change towns or whatever-- that's just not my view of it.

Maybe in the future things will get better.  Maybe our business will take off and we can spend a little time in the Bahamas and patch things up.  Who knows?  But for now-- I will just have to turtle down for a while and keep showing up on time for work.

I don’t think that society, in general, views folks with impulse control issues as doing it on purpose, or being generally “okay”. You mentioned women with PMS in your OP. Have you ever heard of PMDD?  It’s The Hulk version of PMS,and it’s treated with medication. If your impulse control issues negatively affect your own functioning, and negatively affect the wellbeing of others, that’s a problem. It doesn’t matter what gender you are. If I’m raging at my husband and punching walls for three days out of the month, I don’t expect him to make excuses for me simply because I’m the physically weaker of the two of us. I expect him to say, “this seems like something more than just hormonal moodiness. Maybe you need to talk to someone. This isn’t good for the family.” It’s just not cool, like it’s not cool to throw TV’s past your wife’s head. She could have been hurt accidentally. I guess I’m just not seeing the rational here behind why you think society should be more accepting of violent behavior at all; regardless of its source. 

I’m sorry to hear that things are not well in your marriage. Perhaps when the kids have flown the coup you guys can seek some counseling. ❤️

[bennyboy]

You can say you're still talking without blocking a door. While I think there are SO many things wrong with this thread and many of benny's posts in it, I completely agree that blocking someone's exit is a dick move. It doesn't matter if you're smaller. If you make it so I have to force my way past you, you've just physically forced me to either stay where I am or physically move you. That's not how you have a mature conversation.

Do be fair, I wasn't trying to blame my wife for my feelings or my actions.  I have my software, she has hers, she was standing there for her reasons, I was uncomfortable with that for my reasons.

The point was that rage isn't just a thing somebody likes to do for a hobby.  It's an interaction between personalities, and it involves neurological triggers that aren't necessarily easy to shut down.  And so many men and women go through these experiences that trivializing it all with labels is dangerous-- as soon as you've demonized someone, you no longer need to have a conversation about how people arrive at that moment.

---

You can say you're still talking without blocking a door. While I think there are SO many things wrong with this thread and many of benny's posts in it, I completely agree that blocking someone's exit is a dick move. It doesn't matter if you're smaller. If you make it so I have to force my way past you, you've just physically forced me to either stay where I am or physically move you. That's not how you have a mature conversation.

Do be fair, I wasn't trying to blame my wife for my feelings or my actions.  I have my software, she has hers, she was standing there for her reasons, I was uncomfortable with that for my reasons.

The point was that rage isn't just a thing somebody likes to do for a hobby.  It's an interaction between personalities, and it involves neurological triggers that aren't necessarily easy to shut down.  And so many men and women go through these experiences that trivializing it all with labels is dangerous-- as soon as you've demonized someone, you no longer need to have a conversation about how people arrive at that moment.

[Belacqua]

There is so much wrong with this, Benny...

No doubt.  But I think it's less wrong than risking a serious confrontation, or leaving the kids abandoned.

We go to work, we pay the bills, we take good care of the kids.  Sometimes, just functioning like that has to be good enough.  This idea that if you aren't feeling fully realized as a human being, you should walk away from important relationships, leave your kids, change towns or whatever-- that's just not my view of it.

Maybe in the future things will get better.  Maybe our business will take off and we can spend a little time in the Bahamas and patch things up.  Who knows?  But for now-- I will just have to turtle down for a while and keep showing up on time for work.

It's interesting to me that you're in Korea. I don't know if that's relevant to the situation or not.

Marriages here in Japan are different from US marriages. It took me a while to figure this out. 

When I first got here, ladies I knew would tell me about the vacations they were planning, and I'd say, that's cool, is your husband going with you? and they'd look puzzled and say -- no, why would he? They had their own thing going on.

I've worked with the International Women's Club in my city. It's half local people and half foreigners, mostly American, who are working in Japan temporarily. They help each other and have events together. The Japanese women often note that American wives expect their husbands to be everything. Constant best friend and companion and on-call dance partner and everything else. And then when that can't happen they just get divorced. Japanese people tend to have less romantic views of marriage, but less volatile relationships. They have friends whom they talk to, whom they aren't married to. 

There are pros and cons, of course. 30 years ago I thought I'd rather pack it in than have a less than perfect constant romance. Now I've been married 25 years things seem different, and good in a way I hadn't anticipated. 

So that's not advice for you, just my reaction to what you say. Life isn't the movies, and you should do what you sincerely think is best.