joke time

[Darinda]

If Chuck Norris were president, he would protect the secret service.

[BrianSoddingBoru4]

European Out-Of-Office: 'I'm away on a hiking/camping holiday for the summer. You can email me back in September.'

American Out-Of-Office: 'I have left the office for two hours to undergo emergency kidney surgery, but you can reach me on my cell at any time.'

Boru

A lot of people are carrying the load for other people. When I was still working, I wasn't just burning the candle at both ends, I broke it in half so that I could double my output. I retired at 62, and am pretty sure that if I had waited to 65, I wouldn't have made it. It was about 1.5 years before I recovered some sense of well-being (now I'm 69). There were 3 people doing what I used to do, after I retired.

That’s management for you - why lay out pay and benefits for two people when your can save money by working one person like a dray horse?


Boru

[Fireball]

A lot of people are carrying the load for other people. When I was still working, I wasn't just burning the candle at both ends, I broke it in half so that I could double my output. I retired at 62, and am pretty sure that if I had waited to 65, I wouldn't have made it. It was about 1.5 years before I recovered some sense of well-being (now I'm 69). There were 3 people doing what I used to do, after I retired.

That’s management for you - why lay out pay and benefits for two people when your can save money by working one person like a dray horse?


Boru

So true. I was up for a promotion that would have netted ~ $25k more a year, but after the mismanagement dragging their feet for over 2 years, I decided that retiring was the thing to do. At 62 years of age, I doubt that I would have been able to find another job like that. Interestingly, the contracts I worked on allowed the company to charge for the number of people working on them (within limits, obviously). So, they make more money on the three who replaced me. The irony.

BoT, looks like the joke was on me!

[The Valkyrie]

Did Shrodinger have an open casket funeral?

You know, just in case.

[The Valkyrie]

As a kid we had a pet cow.

We discovered it was bi-polar and had to get rid of her.

Too many moo-swings.

[ignoramus]

[BrianSoddingBoru4]

As a kid we had a pet cow.

We discovered it was bi-polar and had to get rid of her.

Too many moo-swings.

What a coincidence! I was just reading about a depressed Eskimo who was eaten by a bi-polar bear.

Boru

[Fireball]

How does one capture a Polar bear?

Cut a large hole in the ice, and place peas around the perimeter. When the bear comes to take a pea, kick it in the ice-hole.

[ignoramus]

^ OK, no need to swear!

[Darinda]

Two old drunks are sitting in a bar when the first one says, “Ya know, when I was thirty and got an erection, I couldn’t bend it, even using both hands.
By the time I was forty, I could bend it about ten degrees if I tried really hard.
By the time I was fifty, I could bend it about forty five degrees, no problem.
I’m gonna be sixty next week, and now I can bend it in half with just one hand.”
“So,” says the second drunk, “what’s your point?”
“Well, I’m just wondering how much stronger I’m gonna get.”