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RE: joke time
June 3, 2022 at 7:10 am
Did you hear about the fellow that was talking to his buddy, when he said, “I don’t know what to get my wife for her birthday.
She has everything, and besides, she can afford to buy anything she wants.
So, I’m stumped.” His buddy said, “I have an idea. Why don’t you make up a certificate that says she can have two hours of great sex, any way she wants it. She’ll probably be thrilled!”
So the first fella did just that. The next day his buddy asked, “Well, did you take my suggestion? How did it turn out?”
“She loved it. She jumped up, thanked me, kissed me on the mouth, and ran out the door yelling, ‘I’ll see you in two hours’.”
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RE: joke time
June 3, 2022 at 7:28 am
A rich oil sheikh was in a bind. His son's 12th birthday was coming up and he didn't know what to get him.
Finally, he went to his son and said, "My son, soon it will be your birthday and I don't know what to get you. You have cars, your own plane,servants, even your own palace. What is it you want for your birthday?"
"Father," replied the boy, "What I have always wanted, and have been too afraid to ask for, is a Mickey Mouse outfit!"
So, the next day, the father bought his son the Republican party*
*and he got it cheap.
Playing Cluedo with my mum while I was at Uni:
"You did WHAT? With WHO? WHERE???"
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RE: joke time
June 4, 2022 at 4:08 am
I misunderstood what 'Pride Month' was all about. Anyone wanna buy 15 lions?
Boru
‘I can’t be having with this.’ - Esmeralda Weatherwax
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RE: joke time
June 4, 2022 at 2:21 pm
(June 4, 2022 at 4:08 am)BrianSoddingBoru4 Wrote: I misunderstood what 'Pride Month' was all about. Anyone wanna buy 15 lions?
Boru
I just bought two crows.
Then I was arrested for attempted murder.
Playing Cluedo with my mum while I was at Uni:
"You did WHAT? With WHO? WHERE???"
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RE: joke time
June 4, 2022 at 3:30 pm
A young man called his mother and announced excitedly that he had just met the woman of his dreams. Now what should he do?
His mother had an idea, “Why don’t you send her flowers, and on the card invite her to your place for a home-cooked meal?”
He thought this was a great strategy and arranged a date for a week later. His mother called the day after the big date to see how things had gone.
“The evening was a disaster,” he moaned.
“Why, what happened?” asked his mother.
“Oh, she came over, but she refused to cook.”
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RE: joke time
June 4, 2022 at 4:34 pm
(June 3, 2022 at 7:28 am)The Valkyrie Wrote: A rich oil sheikh was in a bind. His son's 12th birthday was coming up and he didn't know what to get him.
Finally, he went to his son and said, "My son, soon it will be your birthday and I don't know what to get you. You have cars, your own plane,servants, even your own palace. What is it you want for your birthday?"
"Father," replied the boy, "What I have always wanted, and have been too afraid to ask for, is a Mickey Mouse outfit!"
So, the next day, the father bought his son the Republican party*
*and he got it cheap.
Alternative answer to his parents asking him...
"I want a watch!"
So they let him...
Disappointing theists since 1968!
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RE: Job
June 5, 2022 at 3:25 pm
I just saw this joke someone posted on Twitter.
"If your phone autocorrects fuck to duck, you are still using fowl language."
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RE: joke time
June 5, 2022 at 5:06 pm
A wife asks her husband, “How would you describe me?”
He replies, “ABCDEFGHIJK.”
The confused wife asks, “What does that mean?”
Her husband replies, “Adorable, beautiful, cute, delightful, elegant, fashionable, gorgeous, and hot.”
The wife says, “Aw, thank you, but what about IJK?”
“I’m just kidding!”
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RE: joke time
June 8, 2022 at 11:24 pm
I was at the library, when people began throwing Stephen King novels around. I could not figure out why. Then It hit me.
teachings of the Bible are so muddled and self-contradictory that it was possible for Christians to happily burn heretics alive for five long centuries. It was even possible for the most venerated patriarchs of the Church, like St. Augustine and St. Thomas Aquinas, to conclude that heretics should be tortured (Augustine) or killed outright (Aquinas). Martin Luther and John Calvin advocated the wholesale murder of heretics, apostates, Jews, and witches. - Sam Harris, "Letter To A Christian Nation"
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RE: joke time
June 9, 2022 at 1:03 am
(June 3, 2022 at 7:28 am)The Valkyrie Wrote: A rich oil sheikh was in a bind. His son's 12th birthday was coming up and he didn't know what to get him.
Finally, he went to his son and said, "My son, soon it will be your birthday and I don't know what to get you. You have cars, your own plane,servants, even your own palace. What is it you want for your birthday?"
"Father," replied the boy, "What I have always wanted, and have been too afraid to ask for, is a Mickey Mouse outfit!"
So, the next day, the father bought his son the Republican party*
*and he got it cheap.
Same joke - but insert "A Goofy Outfit" and "Democrat."..
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