joke time

[The Valkyrie]

Me, "You are my drug!"

My ex, "Because you can't live without me?"

Me, "No. Because you cost too much and ruin my life!"

[BrianSoddingBoru4]

Since ‘Borg’ is a Swedish surname and ‘The Borg’ are a race of cybernetic beings, couldn’t we call them ‘Artificial Swedeners’?

Boru

[A. Secular Human]

Since ‘Borg’ is a Swedish surname and ‘The Borg’ are a race of cybernetic beings, couldn’t we call them ‘Artificial Swedeners’?

Boru

My brain automatically provided a rim-shot for my internal dialog.

I'm not sure if it's a bad thing, or just good drugs last night.

[Darinda]

One morning, a man is surprised to see a gorilla lounging on his roof. He flips through the yellow pages and indeed, there’s an advertisement for “Gorilla Removers.”
He dials the provided number, and the gorilla eviction specialist assures him he’ll be there within half an hour.

The gorilla remover shows up, steps out of his van equipped with a ladder, a baseball bat, a shotgun, and a ferocious pit bull. The man, curious, asks, “What’s your plan?”

The specialist explains, “I’m going to set this ladder against the roof, climb up, and use this baseball bat to knock the gorilla off. Once the gorilla hits the ground, my pit bull is trained to latch onto its testicles and not let go. This should mellow the gorilla enough for me to secure it in the cage at the back of my van.”
He passes the shotgun to the man, who then asks, “And the shotgun’s purpose?”

“If the gorilla manages to knock me off the roof,” the specialist quips, “shoot the dog!”

[The Valkyrie]

A theatre is designed in such a way that all sounds from the stage bounce off walls, floors, and ceilings so that people can here what is being said anywhere in the theatre.

But it doesn't work for pigeons.

It's because a-coo-sticks.

[BrianSoddingBoru4]

A theatre is designed in such a way that all sounds from the stage bounce off walls, floors, and ceilings so that people can here what is being said anywhere in the theatre.

But it doesn't work for pigeons.

It's because a-coo-sticks.

Boru

[The Valkyrie]

A theatre is designed in such a way that all sounds from the stage bounce off walls, floors, and ceilings so that people can here what is being said anywhere in the theatre.

But it doesn't work for pigeons.

It's because a-coo-sticks.

Boru

[BrianSoddingBoru4]

A friend of mine once ate a clock. I asked him how it was and he said, ‘Very time consuming.’

Boru

[A. Secular Human]

A theatre is designed in such a way that all sounds from the stage bounce off walls, floors, and ceilings so that people can here what is being said anywhere in the theatre.

But it doesn't work for pigeons.

It's because a-coo-sticks.

Boru

Somehow, I don't think that would be effective as "punishment"...

[BrianSoddingBoru4]

‘May I help you?’

‘Yes - my daughter’s birthday is coming up and I’d like to get her a Barbie.’

‘How about this one?’

‘Very nice! Does she come with Ken?’

‘I’m sorry, no. She comes with GI Joe - she fakes it with Ken.’

Boru