Your Ideal Relationship Arrangement

[FrustratedFool]

I think my family was too female heavy for me to escape childhood thinking that a harem would be swell.  I know better.

My ideal arrangement is pretty close to the one I have.  One life, one man, one woman, lots of kids.  Could use more fuckin money though.

You assume you're living with them.

[The Grand Nudger]

I'd need even more money for an offsite harem. The whole thing sounds like a nightmare.

[FrustratedFool]

I'd need even more money for an offsite harem.  The whole thing sounds like a nightmare.

Why money?

[The Grand Nudger]

Even if you kept them in a chicken coop you'd still be out the plywood and wire. I guess you could leave them staked in the yard but then you have to think about all the labor to clean them when their services are required and how much excess mortality you'd have to deal with in the colder months. I think it's instructive that guys who had harems had people to do all this for them - it was..essentially.... a livestock operation. Fun fact, peacocks were really cost efficient guard dogs for harems. Somebody figured that out - bet it wasn't the guy who owned the harem...bet that guy didn't like peacocks, either.

Harems are, imo, one of those things that only sounds good -as- a fantasy, the reality being more irksome even if it were desirable. Like, if you ask me why on site or why more money I start to think you have something more like prostitution or a string of unrelated one night stands in mind. Those don't appeal to me either. Never have. I guess I'm just a family man down to my core, you know? No family, no relationship.

[FrustratedFool]

I think you're imagining it incorrectly.

I didn't mean a literal sultan-like harem.

I meant a dozen or so people with their own lives, incomes, etc, who loved meeting up with you for company and sex whenever you wanted, however you wanted. And whatever else you wanted. A roster of highly attractive people who only and exclusively cared about you and desired whatever you desired.

[The Grand Nudger]

Ah, roger. No. That doesn't work for me either. One wife, one life. In my single years I tended to be the partner on the other end of that description. Wasn't great. I gave it a shot once, out of anger I think. Figure out you're not the only one, go fuck the other one. Silly stuff.

I don't think there's anything wrong with casual sex or multiple partners - it's just not a thing that ever sparked joy for me. Plus I have an inherent trust deficit to overcome. Alot of people who would be fine with an open relationship, in my experience anyway, are fine so long as they're only competing for attention with other members of their own sex. AKA, it's fine until you steal one of their boyfriends - see above.

[FrustratedFool]

If it's not for you, then that's what you want.

But most people I've ever met, certainly men, would like a wife (and a great relationship) with all the benefits that come with making a life together with someone, but also want an outlet for their natural desire for sexual variation, and so be able to have totally guiltless sex with someone else every now and again, and to also know that person is exclusively only having sex with them.

For me, I'd like something similar, but with multiple spouses.

[The Grand Nudger]

I guess it depends on the circles we move in. I've not met many guys like that - but I mostly meet other husbands like me.

I think there's more than a little bit of misandry in the idea that All Guys or even most guys are that particular way - and it wouldn't really matter whether or not we were...at least to what you want or what I want. If it's rare for a guy to want what either of us wants..well..we still want it.

[FrustratedFool]

All I can go on is my own extremely limited experience.
Most men I've ever met, and many women and other genders, want more sexual variety than monogamy provides them with.

[The Grand Nudger]

Seems like you'd be a great matchmaker, then, for that demo. You know men and women both who want something that amounts to the number one cause of divorce. If it were me, I'd already be thinking of ways to monetize that. IDK how much money ashley madison made after settlements and whatnot, it's probably not zero.