[Serious] Relationship Advice

[zwanzig]

I am in love with a wonderful lady. She and I were friends from 2019 and wrote stories together. Now we're dating, since June this year. She is my best friend and I am nuts about her.

Everything is perfect and we are pretty evenly matched. I plan on visiting her in the next year when I can gather up the funds.

She has seemed pretty level headed and is very queer friendly and sexually open. But tonight, she revealed to me that she messed with Ouija boards and "other stuff" as a teenager and she believes something attached to her. It gave her intrusive thoughts and her "roughest times" until her family moved out of that house. But she still believes that her occasionally negative internal self talk comes from something other than her, to this day. And she told me this with some wariness, I guess anticipating me being spooked or something (she knows I'm an atheist and ex-Mormon, we've talked about it before). I comforted her about her experience, trying not to say anything directly about the "whatever" it is she thinks is in her thoughts from the cardboard alphabet game board.

Annnnd that tone? ^^^^ Yeah? How do I let her know that I don't believe in spiritual crap without making her feel like shit? Like, if I say right out, "I don't believe in that sorta thing" right after she's told me this personal story, it will be invalidating to her and make her feel like I am saying she is crazy or making it up. So how do you frame it to be not like a jerk? Her tone about it was offputting, like she might scare me away. I don't think she's crazy for believing her negative self talk is Satan or whatever. It's a common, emotional storytelling; i used to do it too back when I believed. I just want to frame it without my natural atheist condescension and bitterness and impatience coming out. Give me sensitive secular humanist words, please.

Edit: also, hi.

[Ahriman]

if I say right out, "I don't believe in that sorta thing" right after she's told me this personal story,

That's exactly what you should tell her. Don't be rude about it, just make it clear that you don't care about that stuff.

[arewethereyet]

So wonderful to see you here again! You have been missed.

Perhaps a conversation is in order to see just how deep this goes. Maybe ask some questions. It's possible she needs some reassurance that we have a little voice in our heads that is internal dialog and not some otherworld spirit or demon or - you get the idea. It's how we work through things.

Sometimes that inner voice is positive and sometimes, not so much. Sounds like she may need some self-confidence building.

Best of luck and, again, welcome back!

[Ahriman]

So wonderful to see you here again!  You have been missed.

Perhaps a conversation is in order to see just how deep this goes.  Maybe ask some questions.  It's possible she needs some reassurance that we have a little voice in our heads that is internal dialog and not some otherworld spirit or demon or - you get the idea.  It's how we work through things.

Sometimes that inner voice is positive and sometimes, not so much.  Sounds like she may need some self-confidence building.

Best of luck and, again, welcome back!

At that point, I would recommend therapy.

[Thumpalumpacus]

What's wrong with "I don't agree and that's okay"? Does she show need for your approval? If so, sure, there's a problem, but if not, don't make it one.

[BrianSoddingBoru4]

If a relationship can't handle some personal and intellectual difference, it's not all that strong to begin with. Since her belief in a bit of occultism isn't a deal-breaker for you, I doubt very much your rejection of it is going to be a deal-breaker for her.

Maybe try the I-don't-believe-in-that-stuff-but-I-believe-you-believe-it approach. Lets her know where you stand without invalidating her. And yeah, gently suggesting counseling might not be the worst idea.

Boru

[Duty]

My SO was into healing crystals and laying on of hands type stuff when we first met. I ripped the piss out of her for those beliefs, going "WOOOooooOOOO!" at her on repeat pretending to be a ghost in her face. She didn't like it at first but now joins in the laughs and has given up those nonsense views, perhaps in part due to my explaining the likelihood of abiogenesis in the proximity of hydrothermal vents and generally how totally absurd, wrong-headed and hilariously laughable religious/paranormal beliefs are. We're good.

[Ranjr]

If it doesn't come up very often, I wouldn't mention it.  If it's just an occasional thing, I would acknowledge the statement but not interject my opinion.  If it becomes a thing, I would light a candle, put on a silk robe, and, to a slow jam, perform an exorcism.

I don't ask my wife to stop praying for the children and me.  No harm, no foul.

[Fake Messiah]

Yeah? How do I let her know that I don't believe in spiritual crap without making her feel like shit? Like, if I say right out, "I don't believe in that sorta thing" right after she's told me this personal story, it will be invalidating to her and make her feel like I am saying she is crazy or making it up. So how do you frame it to be not like a jerk?

Maybe you exclude yourself from the sentence and just go logical. Not as someone who doesn't believe but rather needs to be convinced.

So you could say "There is no evidence that hell or demons exist."

"But many people have witnessed them."

"That is just anecdotal evidence, like when people claim to see Elvis or get abducted by aliens. Or take Muslims, they believe that they get possessed by jinns and even perform exorcisms that you can see on youtube, but you don't believe that." then you both laugh at how silly Muslims are.