More proof god hates me

[Faith No More]

and no faith i dont drink

Good. It's best to stay away from drugs all together. I know people in your situation use them as a coping mechanism, but they offer only short term releif and cause more problems in the long run.

As for the rest of your post, I get the feeling that you desperately want us to assure you, or convince you, that god does not exist. What you ought to do though, is put this whole question of why god is doing this on the back burner, and concentrate on what you need to do to get better. Once you figure out what needs to be done in your life, then you can move on to the issue of the existence of god.

And do you really have control over your life? I know in my bad times people would tell me to take control, and I was assured that I did have control. I had not truly examined my life, however, to actually figure out what I needed to take control of. In other words, I thought I had control, but I really didn't. So, I ask again, do you really have control over all the things that you can have control over?

[zentor]

yes but guys alos forgeting point

i was never depressed as a child

my depression started AFTER I BECAME CHRISTIATn at age 16!!

[Faith No More]

Well, then reigion could be exacerbating your depression, or it could just be a coinicidence. Either way, I believe it is an issue that you should avoid all together until you can straighten out all of your other issues.

(Disclaimer: I feel at this point, since I have given so much advice, that I must reiterate that I am not a psychological professional nor can anything I say be a substitute for anything a professional tells you. I am simply offering my views as someone who has dealt with mental health issues all of his life.)

[Jackalope]

sorry, paul that was directed at jesus not you, was goign to merge post - but then u posted i guess

---

and i agree life is defintiely over rated

Seriously dude, look at your other posts. You're oscillating between being one way and then totally "IMMA GONNA DIEEE!!"

Does that not strike you as bizarre?

Clearly I don't have all of the information or qualifications needed for a diagnosis but two words come to mind: rapid cycling.

@zentor - please, do yourself a favor, see a doctor immediately, and if you're still mixing acohol and lithium, stop. I've been in a place that's similar to where you are now, and I know it sucks, but it can get better. Please, get medical help right now.

[Autumnlicious]

Dude no - i am not taking alchohol with lithium! I took that picture the otherday because i told my guild that i would OD and die with my meds, and they said "pics or it didnt happen" so i took that pic an dposted it on the forum

They don't have time or the care to deal with someone who is unstable.

That's what crisis hotlines are for.

And dude i am upset, because no matter HOW HARD i try to get better - I NEVER DO

That's the depression talking. I said the same thing this morning when I missed the train that I've been trying to get up early for weeks and stuck to that for 10 minutes.

I know that it seems lost. Angering. Despair. Rage. And fatalism.

Soldier through it.

because i know that god is screwing me. please i know u guys are like , yeah we are in control of our lives
but i am NOT
i try my best to be stable, to get better to do things right

There are things we can control and things we cannot.

Most of all, you must stop obsessing on your depression and 'feeling bad'.

Tell the bad feelings that they'll be gone, they'll go away.

Talk to yourself in a mirror and instead of talking down, talk yourself up.

You need to establish a working relationship with yourself before you can see what is making your life more difficult.

but my situations i end up in ARE NOT JUST COINCIDENCE

That's what you think.

god screws with me

ie: when my gf cheated on me, i was just depresed, but ALL day god would show me all the happy couples on campus - he was rubbing it in

Did it ever occur to you that you were feeling bad and finding a REASON TO FEEL BAD?

Come on man, YOU'RE LOOKING FOR THE BAD.

Of course every silver lining has a cloud.

Don't obsess on it.

Wish those happy couples well. Take joy in their love. Be happy for them.

That is the only way I can combat my incredible lonliness, which I have known since 7 years old and ostracized at a small mountain school of 70 students.

and last week i was thinking okay ill never do college ill be on disability - well mom took me out, and i saw all the college kids in our town partying down town and having fun

DO YOU SEE? CAN U EVEN SEE WHAT I AM GORING THROUGH? i know most atheists just believe in science - BUT PLEAES TRY TO SEE WHAT I SEE

I see it.

And you're attributing MAJOR things to MINOR observations.

How many happy couples are there in the world walking everyday? A lot of them.

Why should any day be different?

Why should GOD personally intervene and show you WHAT HAPPENS EVERY FUCKING DAY?!?!

You're obsessed with the bad.

Learn to obsess on the good.

That's truly the only coping mechanism we have when we're depressed and down.

[Paul the Human]

The best advice anyone can give you is...

Dude. Get a fuckin' grip.

And stop crying wolf. Eventually a real one will show up and no one will believe you. In fact, I find myself there now.

[zentor]

Today I feel worse than I have in a long time
Gonna YouTube some clips of that fucking Jew getting his ass kicked in passion of Christ
That dochebag fucking deserved it and I wish I could go back and goug e his fucking eyes out

[Autumnlicious]

Today I feel worse than I have in a long time
Gonna YouTube some clips of that fucking Jew getting his ass kicked in passion of Christ
That dochebag fucking deserved it and I wish I could go back and goug e his fucking eyes out

You're still not securing control of yourself.

[zentor]

Please understand 2011 was one of the worst years
I spent it all crying everyday in home or in hospital didn't talk to a single peron irl I couldnt

When I started college this spring I was determined to negs experiencethat again
And now again I'm with parents crying on the living room floor while they arrange to send me to a group home
And when we lived in nc, my Internet was intermittend it would randomly loose connection like 10 times a day
Now we are here and it was fine but again this iternet which a whole new company and cable not dsl, has been intermittent
I call charter and I keep getting disconected
And when a lady picks up, she transfers me to automated support.

Can you please see how I'm getting fucked?
There's no way anyone can say, this is all coincidence
How can so many bad things happen In one day?
Also called suicide hotline and lady said she will send police so I hung up... No police yet so idk
And I called my doctor and screamed at the secretary so idk what will happen there
I'm gonna lay down cuz I'm mentally exhausted, please just tell god to lay off. I can't take anymore

[Autumnlicious]

You're obsessed with the idea that you're "being fucked over"

Drop that idea.

Also, quit working yourself into a paranoid, frantic rage. All it does is make it worse.

You do understand 'worse', don't you?

You need to calm.

Be a rock. Be unfazable.