No more Mr Nice Stimbo?

[Gilgamesh]

Everything feels much worse when you haven't slept well. But I agree with the others. Pretending to be somebody else almost always ends badly. Your better off being you and finding somebody you actually want to be around.

Sorry, just wanted to comment on this before my brain fogs up completely. There's no way of saying this without coming across as pathetically self-pitying and I honestly do take the point; however, I actually have found someone I want to be around. The only thing is, she doesn't want to be around me in the same way I want to be around her, especially since I told her just what my feelings are for her. Up to then she hadn't known that I do have feelings for her, and I didn't want to upset anything by opening up to her. The funny thing is, she's done exactly that same thing with someone else, another person that she didn't want to upset things with by revealing her feelings. Like me, she only wants a more open friendship but with this person.

The result of all this is that she now has got precisely what I hoped to achieve, while by doing almost the exact same thing I'm essentially a creepy stalker who's endangered the trust we had. Don't get me wrong, I'm very happy for her; she's not had the best of deals this past few years herself. The only glimmer of hope in this for me is that she doesn't think it will last more than a couple of months, though the chances of me being considered after that time, or even before, are not very good. And I don't blame her.

And on that note, I really need to be unconscious for several hours.

If she didn't feel the same way about you, then what's the problem? Surely, you don't want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with you just as much.

Also, the friend-zone exists and every nice guy gets sucked into it. Girls don't like nice guys. Nobody likes nice guys - not even nice guys.

[Rhizomorph13]

Wow Stimbo, that sounds rough. I've been there so many times it makes me want to throw up just thinking about how my brain reeled inside my head trying to figure out the right course of events that would lead to my getting what I wanted. I have since realized that to be successful in courting women one must admit their feelings and see what happens. If you are shot down, smile and move on to the next potential. You might be reconsidered, but only in your absence. If you have any pull with this female it will only be realized by your moving away from her.

I could bang on about "nice guy" syndrome, expectations, and the horibbly debilitating sense of entitlement brought about by watching too many sitcoms and movies, but that wouldn't help you would it?

[Violet]

Also, the friend-zone exists and every nice guy gets sucked into it. Girls don't like nice guys. Nobody likes nice guys - not even nice guys.

I find nice guys cute and dorky and charming

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4WjX1m4sxTk

[Kayenneh]

I'll settle for Miss Good-Enough-For-Now; some simple warm human contact with soft personnel.

I have to warn you about this one. I once settled with something I shouldn't have done, since I was desperate and just needed companionship and it resulted in a horrible one-sided and somewhat abusive relationship. Never settle, always go for the best girl, the one that you deserve.

And no, never change. You are wonderful Stimbo! I admire you so much for your intellect, personality and eloquence. You're a good man, and there is already too few of them in the world. Hell, if I wasn't in a wonderful relationship, I would pack my bags and come visit you on the spot (to give you a hug at least)!

[Ryantology]

It will work out if you persevere. If you try to be something you're not, you're only going to get a woman who wants what you're not, and keeping up the illusion will drain you.

I'm married, but it took a few disasters and a serious crisis of confidence before I got here.

[Rayaan]

I just got a great idea for you, Stimbo. Concerning about the change of character, what if you like entirely transform yourself into a different human being (like a Jekyll and Hyde transformation)? I'm not thinking of a change in your personality only, but a change with a much, much badder, scarier, and hairier appearance as well.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uN4Di8DEPf8


I suppose the only problem is that first you will have to find out how to create a drug like that.

[Jackalope]

I'm wholly unqualified to give advice on this subject. So, the sensible thing to do is to do it anyway, amirite?

Whatever you do, be true to yourself and the values you hold dear.

[fr0d0]

Great love story Stimbo. Isn't that situation a life restrictor. I know I'd be exactly the same.

[Cyberman]

I like that you're nice and I'm sure there are plenty of women out there who would enjoy the company of a gentle soul.

You'd think so, wouldn't you? Actually I can relate to this. For instance, the person to whom I've been referring does enjoy being in my company, as I do hers. We make each other laugh, in a nice way I mean; we can be a shoulder for the other to cry on; we confide in each other things that nobody else even dreams of. Last year at the birth of her little boy, she even rang me up from hospital immediately after the delivery and we had the longest chat. I was so honoured that she felt comfortable enough for me to be the first person she spoke to at such a vulnerable time (as for what happened to her then-partner, well that's another story and not mine to tell).

She took me for a drink yesterday, to celebrate some good news she was over the Moon to hear, and a couple of Guinnesses and Baileys later we were like giddy schoolgirls. Basically we do pretty much everything that flirting couples do, short of actually being one. I do so completely respect that she has boundaries and that she doesn't want me to do the bloke thing of reading more into the situation than there is, yet I wish... oh I wish.

[John V]

She took me for a drink yesterday, to celebrate some good news she was over the Moon to hear, and a couple of Guinnesses and Baileys later we were like giddy schoolgirls. Basically we do pretty much everything that flirting couples do, short of actually being one. I do so completely respect that she has boundaries and that she doesn't want me to do the bloke thing of reading more into the situation than there is, yet I wish... oh I wish.

Unless she's a lesbian (and apparently she isn't), you don't want to be a giddy schoolgirl around her. You need to learn how to be a man. Consider this:
http://boldanddetermined.com/2012/04/12/...should-do/

Note that being the shoulder-to-cry-on-giddy-schoolgirl type isn't bad per se. It's a matter of timing. You need to be a real man until you get the goods, or at least some of them. AFTER YOU ESTABLISH THE PHYSICAL SIDE you can start letting your natural effeminate personality come out. Not all at once though!

Also note that it's probably too late with this particular chick, and time spent with her is time you could spend with another one.

Sorry to be blunt (we all know that's a lie) but that's the way it is.