Complications with theist companions

[thesummerqueen]

Dave Silverman, president of American Atheists, married a (then) conservative Jew. They're still together as far as I know, with an atheist child.

Things can work out...They just take planning, hard work, and concessions.

[Tonus]

Yes I am, problem is you can't really define how hardcore one is because, in my experience, mediocre theists don't really want to talk about this and/or keep their ears shut. The main problem comes onto the scene when it gets serious and parents (and their beliefs) get in the way.

If she is truly hardcore about her beliefs, she would not be serious about a relationship once she found out you were an atheist, unless she decided that it was her duty/fate to convert you. That can't end well, IMO. But it should be easy enough to find out.

If the relationship progresses enough, you'll have to have a serious heart-to-heart about it. Lots of religious people see religion as just another routine in their lives, and will have practically no issues getting along with an atheist. But you'll want to know for sure before you take the relationship any further.

[Stan]

Yes I am, problem is you can't really define how hardcore one is because, in my experience, mediocre theists don't really want to talk about this and/or keep their ears shut. The main problem comes onto the scene when it gets serious and parents (and their beliefs) get in the way.

If she is truly hardcore about her beliefs, she would not be serious about a relationship once she found out you were an atheist, unless she decided that it was her duty/fate to convert you. That can't end well, IMO. But it should be easy enough to find out.

If the relationship progresses enough, you'll have to have a serious heart-to-heart about it. Lots of religious people see religion as just another routine in their lives, and will have practically no issues getting along with an atheist. But you'll want to know for sure before you take the relationship any further.

Many women tried to convert me before, and I can't quite blame them because I tried to "convert" em too. So I have no say in this.

Anyways, for some time since she was bringing up Christian weddings and baptism issues, that she couldn't thing of not having in the future, our relationship kept going down the drain. I was downright opposed to them and as of 6th of July I had to break up with her. My thread here was mostly a desperate attempt to have second thoughts before my final conclusion.

[Faith No More]

Baptisms? Meh. A silly ritual where they splash magic water on a baby. Not worth the fight, so I let my wife have that one.

Christian wedding? Wasn't too concerned with the details of how the wedding went down, but she had been dreaming of that day since she was young. I let her have that one, too.

Sunday school? My wife doesn't go to church now, but she has mentioned taking my son there. I'll cross that bridge when it comes to that, but I will be much more resistant to that. I'm not too worried about it, though. It's not something that a little critical thinking won't negate. I had fifteen years of it.

ETA: If you're hung up on little things like baptisms, you might want to look for someone completely non-religious.

[Stan]

Baptisms? Meh. A silly ritual where they splash magic water on a baby. Not worth the fight, so I let my wife have that one.

Christian wedding? Wasn't too concerned with the details of how the wedding went down, but she had been dreaming of that day since she was young. I let her have that one, too.

Sunday school? My wife doesn't go to church now, but she has mentioned taking my son there. I'll cross that bridge when it comes to that, but I will be much more resistant to that. I'm not too worried about it, though. It's not something that a little critical thinking won't negate. I had fifteen years of it.

ETA: If you're hung up on little things like baptisms, you might want to look for someone completely non-religious.

I feel oppresed about all the above.

I've been keeping a secret of my atheism due to my work in govenrment for far too long and that gives me a feeling of me being a hypocrite for playing the part of the "good christian" among "good christians".

I feel that if I can oppose even such little thinks like baptisms and traditional weddings at least in my personal life i can lighten up my conscience a bit.

[Faith No More]

You gotta do what you gotta do, but one thing to keep in mind in these situations is that you have to pick your battles carefully. I could have easily opposed a baptism, but there was the concern that I would burn up all of my parenting capital by doing so and that would make it easier for her to get her way on another issue.