The Toilet Seat Dilemma

[Raeven]

I used to be terrified of spiders. I got a pet tarantula (named him Fang), and that got me over it. Snakes used to hink me out... I got a pet Boa Constrictor (named him Monty), and snakes don't bother me anymore. I still dislike scorpions and centipedes, and I don't foresee having either of those as pets to help work out my issues over them.

I've made multiple trips to Australia and have never seen a single snake or spider, despite much tramping around in the brush and actively looking for same. I thought I might see a snake once when I was hiking around the Otway Lighthouse and there were multiple "Mind the Snakes" signs. But no. My husband expended herculean efforts to locate a Huntsman spider to show me, but one was never found.

I'd never let a fear of critters keep me from visiting Australia. The 17-hour plane trip is pretty unpleasant, though, I'll grant you that.

Clueless Morgan, I too am a stealth toilet-paper-roll-reverser. I often wonder if anyone notices.

[Walking Void]

In my opinion, I would rather be attacked by a random spider than have this thing trap me in the bathroom:

[John V]

Methinks the lady doth protest too much.

Nah, it's just funny when he gets his panties all in a bunch.

[Cinjin]

Poor guy has no idea why he thinks those things.. I bet he blames it on the Devil!

Lol ...

"I hate it when the devil makes me suck dick."
"Stupid Devil! Makin me all gay!"

[Clueless Morgan]

How did you get better? I tried flooding myself once by doing a paper on sexual dimorphism in spiders, so I had to learn all about them and look at many pictures, which a lot of people thought would solve the problem. It made it worse.
Fun fact: male spiders fertilize females by oral sex.

We had to do a project on spiders when I was in third grade. All that does to a person with a phobia is to know all the ways their phobia is a living, breathing nightmare.

And I should preface this by saying I'm probably not that much "better" but I feel like I'm getting better at dealing with them because I've progressed past the stage of 100% pure panic and screaming when I see one. I'm to a place of initial panic-flight response and momentary coexistence while I either find someone to kill it for me or spend about ten minutes plotting the best way to do it myself. My strategies include:
1) Throwing heavy things at it, like shoes, boots, encyclopedias, etc.
2) Smashing it with the handle-end of a broom (which I will then have to throw out, or have someone clean off, disinfect and put in the garage for at least a month before I'll use it again)
3) getting out the vacuum and using the 5 foot long hose attachment to suck it up, and then putting the vacuum away in the room farthest from my bedroom
4) Depending on size, color and location I found it at, I might be able to bring myself to cover it with some opaque contain for later disposal by someone else, or I might be able to smash it with the binding-edge of a book, or maybe a shoe box, or a heavy-soled shoe, but definitely something that keeps any part of my body at least 8 or 9 inches away from it. Depending on how badly I'm shaking, I might actually wound it.

And don't let me talk myself up too much: during the ordeal of trying to kill the last one I saw (just last month or so), I was shaking, I couldn't look directly at it or I would have started crying, and it I was in the process of both cowering away from it while standing on a stool and engaging in preparatory calming breathing techniques trying to get myself to stop shaking when it jumped/fell off the wall. All bets were off at that point - I screamed, began crying, fell off the stool and bolted out of the bedroom. Then I had to pull myself together enough to go to work because I sure as fuck wasn't spending the day in a house with a spider in it!

But I cannot deal with black ones. Or big ones. Or hairy ones. Or spindly ones.

I hate those jumping ones that wave their nasty little eyes around. And the big stripy ones. And the widows and recluses. And really all of them except the teeny tiny green ones.

I have size and color limitations: if it's larger than 1/8" diameter, including legs, then there's no way I can kill it myself, especially not if it's black, or dark-colored. And if it's black, of any size, the game's over, someone else has to kill it.

You went to New Zealand...why? Tell me it wasn't for the sheep, please! say it ain't so!

Went to visit my sister who was living there at the time.

[quote]That last ones my favorite There's a spider out there that will literally chase you…They claim its the worlds most aggressive spider. I'm told it lives on the opposite side of the island (from where I'm moving) though

WHAT?!?!? WHY DID YOU JUST TELL ME THAT?!?!?!

[quote='missluckie26' pid='537942' dateline='1383667340']
on a side note I found myself checking the toilet seat last night. and the tp roll. and the towel before drying my hands on it..

I've found so many spiders in my bathroom that it's habit for me to walk in and scan the wall/ceiling crack for them.

And I've has a spider turn up on the toilet paper roll before. One of those moments where if I hadn't been on a toilet already I would have shit myself. lol

[Anomalocaris]

In Tokyo I saw a toilet with control panel that has 37 buttons. It has a lit LCD display with cute cartoon characters. It has a USB port. It plays music, and cancel unpleasant noises. There is a retractable probe with warm water squirt feature tasked with making sure one would never be called upon to offer an excuse for one's lack of diligence. The entire toilet seat elevates and tilts forward to help with the ingress and egress part of the nightly duty. The seat is even electrically warmed to ensure a lady is not rudely shocked awake by the cold as she sleep walks through her nightly convenience. Regretably, the toilet seat still does not automatically come down after a man is done.

So ladies, I am sorry, the god of toilets have spoken, and you are on your own.

[Fruity]

Now every time I use the toilette I think of this thread. Thanks a lot, because before I had nothing to think about when I went and now I have a whole thread to ponder about. Bliss.

[Mystical]

I blame the owl!

Also chuck, one could conversely conclude that the toilet god is just sayin "gentlemen need to be gentlemen and put the goddamn seat down!"

---

Morgan your spider phobia resembles my reaction to being in the ocean. Like exactly Exposure therapy is the best way to get over something like that but I fear exposure to the Australian coast might bolster my phobia. Do you ever feel guilty for killing spiders? I killed this gifuckingnormous wolf spider while screaming Braveheart style: and I had the worst guilt! I'd cornered it and when I'd go left it went right and vice versa. I imagine it was screaming in spider too.

[Clueless Morgan]

In Tokyo I saw a toilet with control panel that has 37 buttons. It has a lit LCD display with cute cartoon characters. It has a USB port. It plays music, and cancel unpleasant noises. There is a retractable probe with warm water squirt feature tasked with making sure one would never be called upon to offer an excuse for one's lack of diligence. The entire toilet seat elevates and tilts forward to help with the ingress and egress part of the nightly duty. The seat is even electrically warmed to ensure a lady is not rudely shocked awake by the cold as she sleep walks through her nightly convenience. Regretably, the toilet seat still does not automatically come down after a man is done.

So ladies, I am sorry, the god of toilets have spoken, and you are on your own.

Whenever I hear about heated toilet seats, I always think of that episode of the Simpson where Homer presses the button for a heated seat and a big ol' fat guy is lowered to the seat with his pants down and a magazine in his hands and he's like "Be ready in few minutes."

*shudder*

It's intensely weird when I sit on a toilet seat that's still warm from the previous user.

[Anomalocaris]

Whenever I hear about heated toilet seats, I always think of that episode of the Simpson where Homer presses the button for a heated seat and a big ol' fat guy is lowered to the seat with his pants down and a magazine in his hands and he's like "Be ready in few minutes."

*shudder*

It's intensely weird when I sit on a toilet seat that's still warm from the previous user.

Maybe you should suggest refrigerated toilet seats to Toto, the slogan can be something like "Ice cold everytime, like it's never been sat upon".