Spare the rod, spoil the child

[vorlon13]

(IANMTU)

When I was a kid, I was terribly jealous of another family at church. They were all smart and handsome people. They were really a team and took fantastic rugged adventure type vacations. They worked hard they played hard, and everyone else at church wanted to be like them.


40 years later:

One son is estranged and living with his family at the opposite end of the country. Once a year the mom (dad passed) gets a card from them stating they are OK, and please respect their privacy

One daughter is a raging alcoholic. She is destitute after being decertified in her profession and is to be sentenced for a 4th offense DUI in September, probably going away for quite a while

Another son married, fathered 3 kids, and all the while had a mistress on the side. When his marriage imploded, he married the slut immediately, but to this day denies they had an affair

The last son has had 2 bankruptcies, cheats on a wife who could care less, has started several scam type businesses and POd everyone in his community. He is estranged from his 2 kids, and I don't know what became of them



Damned if I know what went wrong with that bunch. I'd swear the parents put in 110%, and it looked like everything was fine. When the oldest (the estranged son that moved away) came back from college is when the rest of us noticed something was amiss. Probably by 1990, the de-evolution was complete with the daughters first DUI. The family has cousins in the area, they are all, as they say, delightfully ordinary.

Just a big head scratcher as to what went wrong . . .

[Mystical]

---

Jacob,

I honestly feel like spanking bottoms is baby talk. It's primal, and needed when they're babies and have no other language to communicate with, and it's not even remembered or harmful to their psyche. They learn from it.
The second those kids can start reasoning-- I think spanking's off the table. Threatening a child with physical pain is barbaric. They're in your care, and if you're too lazy to follow through and discipline them correctly: shame on you. Like these people.



CMON, a paddle spank?? For an accident?????? Then she is so unsure of herself she must get on facebook and get other dipwads who don't know how to parent, to re-affirm her.

I can think of a million better ways to handle that incident. Like having the kids go into their rooms and dish out all of the money they own out of their piggy banks, and be told that their future allowances will go towards the new lamp. Then, yes, sent to bed early. Accidents happen, but if you just spank their butts then how are they supposed to know the repurcussions of their actions?






So you're telling me that not only did this child have an emotional breakdown over a very understandable no-choice event--but then she smacked his bottom? In public. Seems to me she was more upset about him not listening to her for an hour, that she felt she had to have retribution when he did come out. For her arrogance, not his well being. Then her *feeling bad about it just re-inforces the child's impressions that what she did was wrong! Cuz it was.

All she just did was show how much of a weak individual she is, to her children by spanking them not on her own volition but out of the "spare the rod spoil the child" bible book rules that she has no power over either. She simply multiplied their feeling of powerlessness in doctors offices, and they lost respect for her ultimately if not in short term as well.

What I would have done is told the child to come out, that we won't be doing this test today, take him home, talk with him about it after he's spent time in timeout, and taken privileges away from him while re-iterating that he has to take care of himself like his brother who got the shot did, before he can play this or do that. Then take him back in another day when he's decided its what he has to do, for him.



This.. this just makes me think they're evil people.





Here's how abuse happens. It starts off with well meaning corrections and ends up a battle of wills. Kids, will, test you. Don't fail the fucking test.

Oh and Adolescents getting spanked is just a joke. An absolute disdainful shameful act that hurts their self confidence and psyche more than anything.


I'm glad you haven't swatted your kids. They'll be better off for it, studies say. I know what it's like to get into a headstrong disagreement testing of power moment with a kid. You just have to remember that you're the adult, they're the child, and the very food they eat is provided for, by you. Remind them of that. Tell her that if she doesn't eat her breakfast this morning, then that's the only breakfast she'll be able to eat for a month. Or give her a choice (choices are always nice as it gets a kid to back out of the corner). She can eat this breakfast, or choose not to eat it and opt out of supper. Simple. When suppertime comes and she begs for food and you feel bad for starving her: offer her that cereal It's food. And she'll be so hungry it'll probably taste good, too.

Be smarter than the kids and you'll never have to raise a finger at them.

Anyways that's my opinion on the matter.

---

Our of interest, do you have kids?

I have been raising a 6 &8 yr old for three years while my sister finished RN school and worked FT, often leaving town for several days out of the week. In summer, I watched the kids. I got them ready and smelt their breaths after brushing teeth every day. When they got on each others cases I learned not to get drawn into their dramas. When they talked back, I sent them to their beds and then went in and explained how they ended up in timeout. When they had a tummy ache they came to me. I'm not saying its not easier being the Auntie rather than the mom. In the beginming I would have to appeal to authority of their mother and we would call her on speakerphone and that did the trick. I wont lie, they're terrified of her for good reason. They also call her by her first name sometimes and call me mom on accident. I only ever held up their moms authority-- if you wouldn't do it when mom's around, don't do it with me. It took me a long time to get to know the kids but. The fact that I was there every day earned me authority because I knew what was going on with them. I knew their moods and could call them on bad ones. I was there when they ate a whole pizza between the two of them, so when they refused to eat a bowl of healthy food I could just refer to that. That's what I mean by being smarter than the kids. I got to know them, and that's really all the boy wanted.
One time I took them to the store and I had to warn the boy not to smack the signs in the isles constantly. Finally I just took the sucker I'd bought him out of his mouth and trashed it. Sure, it cost me more to buy another one to save for another day, but the point was made and he respects me. Sans hitting.
Never not once did I need to spank them, and they're VEry well behaved in public and at home. The boy has problems eating the food he's served sometimes, but its not a big issue. He eats most if not all of it in the end. There isn't really a debate about it. I had to go through the 'testing' stage and it wasn't easy, but yeah Supernanny show helped a lot. Plus I'd just channel my grandma

My sis was raised getting punched and kicked on the ground, duct taped to the wall, and beat with a belt by her dad. She has anger management issues and she knows it. Unfortunately she treats it with alcohol. Fuck her Bible thumping assfu k father and his spare the rod bullshit.

[Mystical]

Napoleon thanks, I reported that page too.

[CindysRain]

I think it's abuse.

My mom was wicked when it came to spanking. She really shouldn't have had children to begin with....her tolerance for even the smallest offenses, was damn near zero, most of the time.

Whatever she could grab became her spanking tool. I don't even know how many wooden spoons she busted on me? She also "seemed" to enjoy making me pick my own switch from the bushes. I would have welts all up and down my legs and arms (trying to protect myself).

How the fuck was this ever considered acceptable?

[The Grand Nudger]

Oh shit, picking your own switch is heinous isn't it? My grandmother used to do that to me, before I started showing up with logs. Corporal punishment chicken, she blinked.

[rexbeccarox]

---

(IANMTU)

When I was a kid, I was terribly jealous of another family at church. They were all smart and handsome people. They were really a team and took fantastic rugged adventure type vacations. They worked hard they played hard, and everyone else at church wanted to be like them.


40 years later:

One son is estranged and living with his family at the opposite end of the country. Once a year the mom (dad passed) gets a card from them stating they are OK, and please respect their privacy

One daughter is a raging alcoholic. She is destitute after being decertified in her profession and is to be sentenced for a 4th offense DUI in September, probably going away for quite a while

Another son married, fathered 3 kids, and all the while had a mistress on the side. When his marriage imploded, he married the slut immediately, but to this day denies they had an affair

The last son has had 2 bankruptcies, cheats on a wife who could care less, has started several scam type businesses and POd everyone in his community. He is estranged from his 2 kids, and I don't know what became of them



Damned if I know what went wrong with that bunch. I'd swear the parents put in 110%, and it looked like everything was fine. When the oldest (the estranged son that moved away) came back from college is when the rest of us noticed something was amiss. Probably by 1990, the de-evolution was complete with the daughters first DUI. The family has cousins in the area, they are all, as they say, delightfully ordinary.

Just a big head scratcher as to what went wrong . . .

---

I guarantee you things weren't as picture-perfect as they seemed. My dad and stepmom we're really good at making things seem like they were perfect to the outside world, while they emotionally abused us to no end. I remember being a sullen teenager, walking into church with a sour look on my face, and my stepmother pinching the back of my arm until I smiled my biggest, sappiest smile. I disowned my father about a year before he died, and only spoke to him again about a week prior; because he was on his deathbed.

[The Valkyrie]

I think it's abuse.

My mom was wicked when it came to spanking. She really shouldn't have had children to begin with....her tolerance for even the smallest offenses, was damn near zero, most of the time.

Whatever she could grab became her spanking tool. I don't even know how many wooden spoons she busted on me? She also "seemed" to enjoy making me pick my own switch from the bushes. I would have welts all up and down my legs and arms (trying to protect myself).

How the fuck was this ever considered acceptable?

To be absoluetly honest it's part of the reason I've decided not to have kids. I don't have a lot of patience and I have a very bad temper.

I don't think I'd make a very good mother.

[Mystical]

I think you'd make a great mother for that very reason, Beccs.

[The Valkyrie]

I think you'd make a great mother for that very reason, Beccs.

Have you been talking to my mother?

[Mystical]

Occasionally. She says you need to get your nose out of the books, eat more vegetables, and bear her an heir of worthy lineage.