Spare the rod, spoil the child

[Jenny A]

And the overlap between BDSM and the other two groups?

All closet atheists. Theists don't condone sexual adventure, particularly if there's the slightest chance of it being fun and enjoyable.

Actually there is a whole contingent of them. God put man in charge and all that: http://www.lavendermagazine.com/uncatego...cessarily/ I'm not even entirely sure fun is always the point.

But regardless, each BDSM person must be either theist or atheist. It isn't a religion.

[Jackalope]

Life can get even more miserable for a kid than they think it already is. In all reality the law requires you to feed and clothe them and send them to school. So.. whats that? Oh your DS. Its gone. TV/internet too. Cell phone? Not anymore You've been signed up for softball or public service after school. Huh what? Oh thats right you didnt clean your room so I had to. You had too much stuff, it turns out.

Thing is, such measures don't work all the time - they weren't very effective on my son. Just built resentment and didn't really get to the root of the problem. Took him to a child psychologist, and she recommended not taking his stuff away, but rather creating immediate consequences for bad behavior.

The way it was explained was that (for example), taking away his Xbox and computer away for a period of time builds resentment when the reason for the punishment has been long forgotten.

Instead, he gets a time out, or is sent out to do some yard work, or some other unpleasant task that will give him an opportunity to think over his actions - and afterwards, we sit down and talk. Not a lecture, but a face-to-face to try and get to the root of what he's thinking, and what we can do to solve the problem (obviously, there has to be a certain level of maturity). He's given as much opportunity to talk and to listen.

[Cato]

Actually there is a whole contingent of them. God put man in charge and all that: http://www.lavendermagazine.com/uncatego...cessarily/ I'm not even entirely sure fun is always the point.

But regardless, each BDSM person must be either theist or atheist. It isn't a religion.

Thanks for the link. Holy fuck, that's brilliant. Let me give this some thought and propose how to launch my immeidate idea, we'll share the profits.

What I'm thinking is basically the prosperity gospel for the bedroom. Adam and Eve as corporate sponsers. Can you imagine the retreats? I can envision "Oh God fuck, me harder" exultation classes. Power be to his glory...the hole nine yards. Jesus tits, can you imagine what we could do with Glory Hole? We'll probably have to increase the diameter of our Rosary beads though. The Knights of Columbus will owe me a mint for my ideas about the Catholic's constant desire to be on their knees.

This idea has so much fucking potential.

[Jenny A]

Actually there is a whole contingent of them. God put man in charge and all that: http://www.lavendermagazine.com/uncatego...cessarily/ I'm not even entirely sure fun is always the point.

But regardless, each BDSM person must be either theist or atheist. It isn't a religion.

Thanks for the link. Holy fuck, that's brilliant. Let me give this some thought and propose how to launch my immeidate idea, we'll share the profits.

What I'm thinking is basically the prosperity gospel for the bedroom. Adam and Eve as corporate sponsers. Can you imagine the retreats? I can envision "Oh God fuck, me harder" exultation classes. Power be to his glory...the hole nine yards. Jesus tits, can you imagine what we could do with Glory Hole? We'll probably have to increase the diameter of our Rosary beads though. The Knights of Columbus will owe me a mint for my ideas about the Catholic's constant desire to be on their knees.

This idea has so much fucking potential.

hock: FUCKING potential is right.

[Losty]

I mean, I'm not saying I think it's wrong. It just doesn't make sense to me in that circumstance. When my daughter was 3 almost 4, she looked right at an oncoming car the looked at me and stepped into to the street. I jerked her out of the street by her hair. I felt awful, but it was the only thing I could reach there was no other option and it wasn't about discipline. The discipline was obvious to me, you can't be trusted to be safe so now you don't get to play outside.

Wow, I can't imagine having a small child near a street and not holding their hand the entire time. Did you really need such an incident to know that a 3-year-old can't be trusted to be safe?

You probably also cannot imagine being a pregnant single mother of 2 babysitting an infant and 3 other toddlers. I don't have to imagine it because I lived it. I lived on a really small road the speed limit 10 mph. I would take all the kids out and let them play sometimes. I stood by the road. I'm not an idiot, I knew she couldn't be trusted to keep herself safe. That's why I was standing there, I was honestly surprised that she just stepped out, but I was prepared also.

[The Grand Nudger]

I was just saying I have a hard time understanding why people's gut reaction is to slap the hand away instead of something less violent.

Probably a bit of conditioning, a bit of confidence (or the lack thereof), a sense of urgency, maybe panic. Gut reactions are hard to quantify.

[Jacob(smooth)]

---

Makes it tougher certainly. That's where the toolkit comes in.

I remember thing 1 having an epic temper tantrum. I sat calmly with her, refused to let her rile me, explained why her behaviour was inappropriate and talked her Down. She apologised and understood.

Next day she did it again. Same strategy, same result.

Next day again.
And again. Morning AND evening.
For a week and a bit.

Figured out in the end that she was relishing the attention and quality time! And was thus flipping out so I would spend the time calming her down. On the last day I lost it, yelled at her and told her if she spoke to me like that again I would send her to her room when she got home, give her dinner in there and not let her down until she could behave in a decent manner.

And that was that.

---

Yeah, I hear you. I make it a point to never let my anger go unchecked in front of or directed towards my son. He's had motivation issues at the alternative school that was a bitch to get him into, and one afternoon when he brought a note home from a very frustrated teacher...

I dressed him down with the command voice I learned as an NCO in the army. Message received loud and clear - kid knows Dad is serious when the volume goes up. Dad doesn't get angry. Dad doesn't yell. Oh fuck, Dad is serious about this shit.

Trick is, you can't yell at 'em all the time or they get numb to it.

I'm no model parent to be sure, and no two kids are alike - which is why I'm not absolutely anti-corporal punishment. It's the wrong tool for *me*, and it seems very often misused, over-used, unnecessary, and sends a very confusing message.

LOL. Truth. I think its the contrast. Mrs Jacob does a lot of shouting and it has very little impact. I use it very rarely but when I do it does get results (although I hate doing it).

I suspect that corperal punishment is similar. If people use it every week it would become background. Swat your child once in 5 years when they run into the road and the impact will be infinitely greater.

Still not found a situation where its the only option I can think of, but I wouldn't rule it out!

Oh and as to being model parents, the only model parents I know are people who are not yet parents. Those "supernanny" programs make me want to hurl stuff at the tv. Very easy to be smug and detatched and sactimonious when you have no emotional attachment, are well rested, can go home and have a cup of tea afterward. At 829 in the morning, you're sleep deprived, when you have to be out by 830 and thing one has just poured shampoo into thing two's school bag and thing two hit thing one with a transformer in retaliation, and you have to stay calm and explain to them the reasons their behavior is wrong so they can grow into well adjusted and thoughtful adults...

[Losty]

I like the supernanny because she has a lot of really good ideas. I hate her (take that lightly I don't literally hate her) because she assumes everyone has unlimited time. No I am not going to sit in my child's doorway facing out all night while I listen to her cry, who has time for that? Bedtime is time to sweep and mop and laundry and shower and all the stuff I can't do when I have three small kids running around.

[BrianSoddingBoru4]

I'm sensing a theme here: People who hit children seem to be looking for excuses to hit children.

Boru

[Mr Greene]

I remember thing 1 having an epic temper tantrum. I sat calmly with her, refused to let her rile me, explained why her behaviour was inappropriate and talked her Down. She apologised and understood.

Next day she did it again. Same strategy, same result.

Next day again.
And again. Morning AND evening.
For a week and a bit.

Figured out in the end that she was relishing the attention and quality time! And was thus flipping out so I would spend the time calming her down. On the last day I lost it, yelled at her and told her if she spoke to me like that again I would send her to her room when she got home, give her dinner in there and not let her down until she could behave in a decent manner.

And that was that.

Hmmm. This starts to sound familiar, I've noticed that my stepdaughter has started doing some sort of Cato-like attacks on me whilst I'm trying to cook her tea.