|
joke time
|
 
H0ary H0bbit Religious Views: “Never to suffer would never to have been blessed.” - Edgar Allan Poe
God has been on form today...
"She seems to have an invisible touch." (Genesis 19:86). "9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15." (Numbers 9-15). I've said it before and I'll say it again: the Bible is 100% accurate. Especially when thrown at close range. 
What did the lesbian vampire say to the other lesbian vampire ?
![[Image: eUdzMRc.gif]](https://images.weserv.nl/?url=i.imgur.com%2FeUdzMRc.gif)
This is one of my all time favourite Peter Ustinov jokes.
A Priest and a Rabbi were taking a journey on a train. As fortune would have it, they found themselves together in the same carriage compartment. They exchanged pleasantries then sat quietly watching the scenery fly past. After 20 minutes or so the Priest leaned over and spoke to the Rabbi, 'Do you mind if I ask a question?' the Priest enquired. 'No, not at all,' replied the Rabbi, 'go ahead.' 'Well,' began the Priest, 'have you ever eaten pork?' The Rabbi sat back for a moment and thought, 'Yes,' he said, 'once many years ago as a student I ate a bacon sandwich.' 'What did you think of it?' asked the Priest. 'A bit salty but OK.' said the Rabbi. The journey continued in thoughtful contemplation for another ten minutes until eventually the Rabbi leaned across to the Priest, 'Would you mind if I asked you a question?' he said. 'Not at all.' replied the Priest. 'Have you ever had sex with a woman?' asked the Rabbi. 'Once when I was a young man, before I took the cloth, I spent a night with a woman, yes.' said the Priest honestly. The Rabbi leaned closer and said, 'It's better than bacon isn't it.' _____________________________________ I went to the doctor last week. He said to me, 'I'm going to have to ask you to stop masturbating.' 'Why?' I asked He said, 'Because I'm trying to examine you.' _________________________________________________ MM
"The greatest deception men suffer is from their own opinions" - Leonardo da Vinci
"I think I use the term “radical” rather loosely, just for emphasis. If you describe yourself as “atheist,” some people will say, “Don’t you mean ‘agnostic’?” I have to reply that I really do mean atheist, I really do not believe that there is a god; in fact, I am convinced that there is not a god (a subtle difference). I see not a shred of evidence to suggest that there is one ... etc., etc. It’s easier to say that I am a radical atheist, just to signal that I really mean it, have thought about it a great deal, and that it’s an opinion I hold seriously." - Douglas Adams (and I echo the sentiment)  (December 16, 2014 at 10:54 am)Marsellus Wallace Wrote: What did the lesbian vampire say to the other lesbian vampire ? I think I've posted this elsewhere but it's one of my fave limericks. A young vampires named Mabel Had periods that were quite stable So one night in her tomb She sat down with a spoon And drank herself under the table. Playing Cluedo with my mum while I was at Uni: "You did WHAT? With WHO? WHERE???"  
I was on the bus today, talking on my mobile. After I hung up, I felt a tap on my shoulder. I turned round and there were two young girls in school uniform.
"Scuse me," said the blonde, "me and my mate Sharon heard your phone and we were wondering. She says it was Beyoncé and I say it was Rihanna." "You're both wrong," I said. "It was my dad."
At the age of five, Skagra decided emphatically that God did not exist. This revelation tends to make most people in the universe who have it react in one of two ways - with relief or with despair. Only Skagra responded to it by thinking, 'Wait a second. That means there's a situation vacant.'
 Quote:Once upon a time there lived a beautiful Queen with queenly large breasts. 
A hunter is out hunting bear in the woods. He sees one, lines up his sights, takes a shot, and misses. The bear sees the hunter and charges towards him. The hunter tries to take another shot, but finds he's out of ammo. He throws down the gun and starts running away, but he realizes that the bear is going to catch up to him.
The hunter falls to his knees and starts praying. He says, "Dear Lord, I ask that you let this bear find some religion before he does me in." He turns around, and the bear stops, falls to its knees, and starts praying. The bear says, "Dear Lord, for this food I am about to receive, I am truly grateful…"
You make people miserable and there's nothing they can do about it, just like god.
-- Homer Simpson God has no place within these walls, just as facts have no place within organized religion. -- Superintendent Chalmers Science is like a blabbermouth who ruins a movie by telling you how it ends. There are some things we don't want to know. Important things. -- Ned Flanders Once something's been approved by the government, it's no longer immoral. -- The Rev Lovejoy |
|
« Next Oldest | Next Newest »
|
| Possibly Related Threads... | |||||
| Thread | Author | Replies | Views | Last Post | |
| No joke -- I have decided to convert to Christianity! | Jehanne | 10 | 2748 |
April 23, 2021 at 9:54 pm Last Post: arewethereyet |
|
| A sacred joke. | Mystic | 15 | 3310 |
January 20, 2018 at 10:00 pm Last Post: Cyberman |
|
| Big Bang Theory Neil Tyson joke | Brian37 | 1 | 1607 |
May 18, 2016 at 8:07 pm Last Post: vorlon13 |
|
| There Has To Be A Joke Here, Somewhere! | Minimalist | 3 | 2539 |
October 1, 2014 at 10:57 pm Last Post: Zidneya |
|
| Joke | Minimalist | 59 | 18802 |
June 27, 2014 at 12:25 am Last Post: Ravenshire |
|
| A little joke | Sup | 11 | 4743 |
April 10, 2014 at 7:33 pm Last Post: BrianSoddingBoru4 |
|
| Evolution (is a) joke | JesusLover1 | 12 | 9434 |
March 2, 2014 at 6:24 pm Last Post: Minimalist |
|
| Preacher joke 02 | Drich | 2 | 1993 |
February 12, 2014 at 7:15 am Last Post: NoraBrimstone |
|
| Preacher joke 01 | Drich | 8 | 4844 |
January 20, 2014 at 12:31 am Last Post: Drich |
|
| Make Up An Atheist Joke | freedomfromforum | 5 | 3050 |
October 6, 2013 at 12:30 am Last Post: Angrboda |
|
