Coming to terms with not finding romantic love

[Regina]

I actually think looking for love makes it harder to find, because you're forcing it.

I said this in another post on a similar thread on this forum a while ago, but I'll repeat because it's relevant here. If you walk into the situation with your cards on the table making it clear you want a relationship, it won't happen. People are turned off by that, they just want to enjoy getting to know you and then, if it feels right, a relationship will happen naturally. Building a relationship takes time, you don't just meet someone, have 5 dates and call it love. It's a long match-making process and it takes time.

I'm 21 and I've never had a serious relationship. I dated guy after guy after guy looking for a relationship until what I just said hit me; people are turned off by the thought of commitment, they're not going to commit to something when they barely know you. You have to get to know people and see if you are compatible before anything like that is going to happen.

They're also turned off by baggage and lack of confidence. Nobody wants a relationship with someone they have to babysit and piece together, it's a romantic thought that we see in movies but it doesn't happen in real life. In reality, people are drawn to confident people who have their shit together.

I'm not really looking for a relationship now, because I got fed up of looking and I just want to work on myself and enjoy being free and un-attached. The irony... everyone suddenly took interest again once I started doing that, and it's because me being emotionally unavailable and focusing on myself is a more attractive me than a desperate clingy me.