The Taboo of Number Two

[Exian]

I usually just say I have to use the toilet. Effective enough

*leans in to the other guests at the table and whispers loudly* "He's gonna go poop."

C_L, you're speaking my language now. Poo has never been taboo in my family. Can't think of anything that's taboo in my family actually.

When Alex was talking about changing diapers, I wanted to share this story but TMI, so now here it is:

When my daughter was a baby, we eventually put her on formula (sensitive nips on the Ex). Well, we found some soy formula and decide to try that for a while. One night my daughter wakes up screaming her head off with that distinctive unvoiced infant screech. The type of scream that forgoes the vocal chords and just uses the sheer force of the throat slapping together at high speeds. Horrid. Does she want a bottle? No. Bounced? No. Ah, must need a diaper change. Nope! Clean diaper. And still screaming. But hang on a minute! What's this? Ah, here's the problem; a super dehydrated turd nugget twice the circumference of her normal movements stuck in her butthole! Apparently, the soy formula is a baaaad idea. So, of course, my lady nominates me to extract the turd. Which only took about a second of decision making, since the screeching sort of hurries you along. I dive in and grab the turtle head and start easing it out. It snaps off and now its flush with her butthole...
It snaps off and now its flush with her butthole...thought I should say that twice. Now I gotta dig in to get the bugger out, which I did. End of story.

I was a big hero. My daughter stopped crying immediately and fell asleep. I stayed up and went to work.