The Taboo of Number Two

[Exian]

More kid poop stories.

I took my 6yo nephew to see Captain America. The big loud previews had just ended and the screen goes black, complete with that intentional silence that builds antici....pation. My nephew decides to use that silence to say "Uncle Exian, I have to poop." The whole theater starts doing a horrible job of holding in their laughter. Which is, like, whatever. I was more concerned with who the hell goes to the theater with a slug in the chamber!?! Not only that, but this means I'm going to miss the entire first half of the movie. A number 1 would have been bad enough.

So, we go to the bathroom and I'm just standing there waiting for him to get done. And waiting. And waiting. I can literally feel every moment of the movie I'm missing. It can't get worse.

That's when an old dude walks in, we exchange the mandatory half-ass smile (eye contact included), and he shoots for the stall. The look he gave me was pretty apologetic, and rightfully so. The racket he makes raises my nephews curiosity "What are you doing Uncle Exian?"
"Shush, just finish."

Then the dude unleashes the floppiest sound imaginable. "What's that Uncle Exian?" I couldn't help it anymore, I start laughing my ass off. "Just shut up and finish." *more wet slaps* "Who's making that sound?" Hahaha God I wanted to die. My nephew wouldn't stop. To make it worse, I made eye contact with this guy, and he knows my name. The fake sense of anonymity you get by not knowing details can soften the blow, but me and that guy know too much now. We felt the full force of that awkwardness.